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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not travel for christening

234 replies

Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 09:53

Sorry this might be a bit long.

It's my husband's niece's christening coming up soon and it would be at least a five hour drive without stops, traffic ect.

We have been asked to be god parents. Very honored of course although we are not religious. Nor are the parents.

I have 3 very small children. One is 8 months and absolutely hates being in the car seat. She used to sleep but now just screams until she is out again. It's horrendous and so stressful driving anywhere. My eldest was like this aswell and I remember the absolute hell of trying to do long journeys with him and I never wanted to go through it again.

Of course I want to visit family but was just going to wait until the baby is a bit older and happier to be in the car. I cannot face it!

We also have a family wedding coming up a few weeks after the christening which is another really long drive. This has been booked for years and I absolutely have to go to this. I cannot face doing two of these massive journeys just weeks apart.

Another issue is we are planning on staying at a relatives home for the christening. Very kind of them to have us but this home is really not baby friendly at all.

We also don't have a travel cot plus the baby only sleeps when Co sleeping really so I have to sleep on a single matatress on the floor with the baby whilst the older children sleep in the bed with my husband. All in the same room where I can imagine them all waking each other up ect. Not the end of the world but just another thing really putting me off.

Also, these parents are not religious. None if us are. It's just one of those 'for the sake of it' type of christenings so it all seems a lot of effort for something so pointless. Sorry that sounds a bit mean. I think they just want a family party so it does seem such effort for no real reason.

The whole thing is just causing me massive dead and anxiety to be honest.

What do you think? Do I need to suck it up or am I reasonable to give it a miss.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Birch101 · 30/09/2023 18:36

Sorry I'd say you have to go as it's family, I'd be annoyed at my partner for signing me up as a Godparent when I'm not religious though, I have turned down being godmother due to this before.

We find travelling after dinner with little one easier and as it's such a long distance it's a nice way to decline somewhere to stay, get a couple rooms in a premier Inn instead. If it works out too much I'd send partner with 2 older children and stay at home with baby.

HisNibs · 30/09/2023 18:41

Thementalloadisreal · 30/09/2023 18:35

Fair enough but the honest truth will offend them, there’s no way around that. Even if you and posters on here think you’re not BU they will think you are.

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Completely agree with this. If they then find out Op then went to her sister's wedding, it'll likely cause a feud.

Spacecowboys · 30/09/2023 18:44

user14699084658 · 30/09/2023 18:33

I think I’d send DH and two eldest children to the christening and you take the two eldest to the wedding leaving DH home with the baby.
If the baby will really be that distressed surely both trips are too much!

Exactly what I was going to say.

PreetyinPurple · 30/09/2023 18:45

Why do people always say on here that an invite isn’t a summons. They obviously do think it is.

When you live a distance from relatives you have to pick and choose what journeys you make. We’ve missed all sorts of things in DHs family, especially now we have DC. His family is massive. It’s impractical to go to everything esp with work and school. I also find they won’t make the journeys they expect you to make as it’s ‘too far’.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 18:45

Thementalloadisreal · 30/09/2023 18:35

Fair enough but the honest truth will offend them, there’s no way around that. Even if you and posters on here think you’re not BU they will think you are.

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But why?
Why would I put my child through that just to attend a party.
If it were nearer of course we would go.
I can't see how anyone wouldn't understand it

OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 30/09/2023 18:48

Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 14:17

I don't have any one to watch my kids. And I wouldn't leave my 8 month breastfed baby anyway.
They are more important to me than travelling to a christening.

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8mo is very very different to newborn, that's not really a valid excuse.

I agree that if not religious, not being godparents (or having a christening for that matter)

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 18:56

Harrysmummy246 · 30/09/2023 18:48

8mo is very very different to newborn, that's not really a valid excuse.

I agree that if not religious, not being godparents (or having a christening for that matter)

Show quote history

Well it is.
She breastfeeds loads still. Still breastfeeds to sleep ect. Still needs it and I wouldn't be apart from her at this age anyway so that isn't an option at all.

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 30/09/2023 18:58

Screaming baby in car seat is horrendous and dangerous. Ours would only travel in a front facing seat by that age (had one of the swivel ones).
I didn't attend one of my niece's christenings as I was packing to go away (long planned holiday, last minute christening!).
Also one of my niece's godparents couldn't get to the christening last minute, but his wife (another godparent) was there - it was fine!
Have to look after yourself - apologise and say you didn't really think through things at the time - really not practical to go.

Sigmama · 30/09/2023 19:01

A breastfeeding 8 month old is not much different to a breastfeeding newborn

VelvetUndergrounds · 30/09/2023 19:01

I imagine others have said it but I've only read your posts and not every part of the thread - can your husband not go on his own? Apologies if you've already addressed this.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:02

VelvetUndergrounds · 30/09/2023 19:01

I imagine others have said it but I've only read your posts and not every part of the thread - can your husband not go on his own? Apologies if you've already addressed this.

Yes absolutely he can.
I think it's that there's an expectation that we all go..and the godparent issue

OP posts:
VelvetUndergrounds · 30/09/2023 19:04

@Waddlequack well, that's unrealistic of them to have those expectations and your husband going by himself is an expression of how important they are to him. I, personally, would be honoured if he did that. It's a fair compromise and it shows you all still care.

phoenixrosehere · 30/09/2023 19:07

Harrysmummy246 · 30/09/2023 18:48

8mo is very very different to newborn, that's not really a valid excuse.

I agree that if not religious, not being godparents (or having a christening for that matter)

Show quote history

It is when it’s a baby that will scream for hours on end in the car.

It’s a dangerous distraction when driving and having to stop several times when it’s already a long journey is going to only add more stress.

I would never expect a family member with a baby or child who struggles with long car journeys to show up to an event nor make them feel guilty for not doing so.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:23

phoenixrosehere · 30/09/2023 19:07

It is when it’s a baby that will scream for hours on end in the car.

It’s a dangerous distraction when driving and having to stop several times when it’s already a long journey is going to only add more stress.

I would never expect a family member with a baby or child who struggles with long car journeys to show up to an event nor make them feel guilty for not doing so.

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Exactly this.
It just wouldn't be worth it and feel it would be unfair of them not to understand this.
I don't want to upset them and let them down but it really isn't worth it

OP posts:
Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:24

And to those who don't understand why I am doing the wedding journey.
I don't want to do that either! But I will.
And can't you see that doing two would be so much worse than just one? Getting through it then having to face it all over again.
I just cannot do that.

OP posts:
Hyppogriff · 30/09/2023 19:30

of course you should go if you’ve agreed to be godparents. If you can’t be arsed to go then don’t be godparents - extremely rude.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:38

Hyppogriff · 30/09/2023 19:30

of course you should go if you’ve agreed to be godparents. If you can’t be arsed to go then don’t be godparents - extremely rude.

Have you even read my replies at all?
Where have I stated that I can't be 'arsed' to go.
What a horrible way of putting it.
I have said many times I would go if I didn't have the baby-not putting my baby through absolute distress is my reason.
Ridiculous thing to say

OP posts:
DappledThings · 30/09/2023 19:39

We are both christened.
Actually one is catholic. One christian
That must make a difference
What do you mean? Catholics are Christian. Not all Christians are Catholic but all Catholics are Christian.

If the Christening is CofE that will be fine. If it's a Catholic Christening I don't know what the rules are and if it rules out whichever one of you was Christened in a non-Catholic denomination.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:40

Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:38

Have you even read my replies at all?
Where have I stated that I can't be 'arsed' to go.
What a horrible way of putting it.
I have said many times I would go if I didn't have the baby-not putting my baby through absolute distress is my reason.
Ridiculous thing to say

Show quote history

It's also hard to take the role seriously when no one is even religious.
I mean what would it even entail?
So yes it isn't an absolutely essential event for me to attend when none of us are really there for the right reasons are we?
They just want a day for the baby. Fair enough for them but not worth the stress and upset it would cause myself and my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:42

DappledThings · 30/09/2023 19:39

We are both christened.
Actually one is catholic. One christian
That must make a difference
What do you mean? Catholics are Christian. Not all Christians are Catholic but all Catholics are Christian.

If the Christening is CofE that will be fine. If it's a Catholic Christening I don't know what the rules are and if it rules out whichever one of you was Christened in a non-Catholic denomination.

Christening is catholic.
I honestly don't think they have even checked this

OP posts:
Americano75 · 30/09/2023 19:51

At least one of you has to be Catholic if it's a Catholic baptism.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 19:59

Americano75 · 30/09/2023 19:51

At least one of you has to be Catholic if it's a Catholic baptism.

One of us is

OP posts:
BrawnWild · 30/09/2023 20:04

Send husband with the other two kids.

No reason they cant go. You stay home with baby.

Original poster
Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 20:10

BrawnWild · 30/09/2023 20:04

Send husband with the other two kids.

No reason they cant go. You stay home with baby.

Yes I think this might be the best idea.
Just have to break the news and feeling a bit awkward!

OP posts:
wouldbeus · 30/09/2023 20:25

Have you ever taken your baby to a cranial osteopath? My sister was the same in the car and after a visit to the osteopath she was much better and slept better as well.