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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not travel for christening

234 replies

Waddlequack · 30/09/2023 09:53

Sorry this might be a bit long.

It's my husband's niece's christening coming up soon and it would be at least a five hour drive without stops, traffic ect.

We have been asked to be god parents. Very honored of course although we are not religious. Nor are the parents.

I have 3 very small children. One is 8 months and absolutely hates being in the car seat. She used to sleep but now just screams until she is out again. It's horrendous and so stressful driving anywhere. My eldest was like this aswell and I remember the absolute hell of trying to do long journeys with him and I never wanted to go through it again.

Of course I want to visit family but was just going to wait until the baby is a bit older and happier to be in the car. I cannot face it!

We also have a family wedding coming up a few weeks after the christening which is another really long drive. This has been booked for years and I absolutely have to go to this. I cannot face doing two of these massive journeys just weeks apart.

Another issue is we are planning on staying at a relatives home for the christening. Very kind of them to have us but this home is really not baby friendly at all.

We also don't have a travel cot plus the baby only sleeps when Co sleeping really so I have to sleep on a single matatress on the floor with the baby whilst the older children sleep in the bed with my husband. All in the same room where I can imagine them all waking each other up ect. Not the end of the world but just another thing really putting me off.

Also, these parents are not religious. None if us are. It's just one of those 'for the sake of it' type of christenings so it all seems a lot of effort for something so pointless. Sorry that sounds a bit mean. I think they just want a family party so it does seem such effort for no real reason.

The whole thing is just causing me massive dead and anxiety to be honest.

What do you think? Do I need to suck it up or am I reasonable to give it a miss.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
RoachFish · 30/09/2023 10:23

Can you travel there by train instead? Your DH could take the older ones in the car and then pick you and the little one up on route.

Mariposista · 30/09/2023 10:26

Catlover77 · 30/09/2023 10:04

Why would you consider being a godparent if you are not religious?

This! And why on Earth are the parents even having one if they are not.
It all smacks of trying to get their kid into the parish school or just wanting to be centre of attention for a few hours.

phoenixrosehere · 30/09/2023 10:30

Catlover77 · 30/09/2023 10:04

Why would you consider being a godparent if you are not religious?

Why have a christening if you’re not religious?

Naming ceremonies are a possibility.

OP, I think you should apologise and decline being godmother and your DH takes one or two of the children with them.

Mine were lovely in the car but if they weren’t and then had to stay at someone’s home, knowing I would be getting little sleep, and then having to stand and participate in something I don’t believe in and I know is just for show, and rubs me the wrong way it would be a no. A wedding is not the same thing. If some family members get annoyed or hold a grudge about you not attending the christening, that’s their choice.

users953269 · 30/09/2023 10:45

@StaySpicy Where did OP say she was an atheist?

smallshinybutton · 30/09/2023 10:47

Just say you're really sorry but the kids are going to struggle so your DH is going on his own

RobinGet · 30/09/2023 10:48

Of course OP’s sister’s wedding is more important to her than her niece’s christening. It would be to me too.

OP, just let husband go and you stay home with the baby.

Enko · 30/09/2023 10:49

As Godparents you should show for the christening. Yes it will be a pain for you but you agreed to take on that commitment. If you didn't want to do so then you should uave said no.

The wedding is a red herring as its not the same weekend.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 30/09/2023 10:52

Lots of tongue twisting about why an atheist shouldn't cross a church's threshold to attend a Christening, but this isn't just about religion, its about cultural heritage and community. Being an atheist doesn't divorce you from your culture or community. I wanted my sister, an atheist to take a God Parent role, my Priest suggested she be up there with us but as a Witness if that made her more comfortable. Its a good job the actual church are more accommodating to atheists than mumsnetters! Atheists still celebrate Christmas and probably Easter, Halloween even ties with All Saints Day.

Beautiful3 · 30/09/2023 11:01

I wouldn't travel 5 hours with an 8 month old who cries in the car seat. Also I don't think it's right to take vows before God, if you don't believe in them! I think that's terrible really, because it's a serious thing. Your husband could go and leave you all at home? Or you could decline the god parent roles.

catbla2957 · 30/09/2023 11:01

Send your husband in the car with the older kids and you take the baby on the train.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/09/2023 11:02

I bet the wedding would still mean something and be more important if it was a traditional church wedding regardless of beliefs. Yes the wedding is OPs sister but the christening is the child of DH sister or brother. And if she is honoured to be asked then she should be taking it on. Travelling and all the other reasons are just excuses if she is prepared to do all of them for the wedding.

Bumble1983 · 30/09/2023 11:03

Some religions you can have non religious godparents as long as one of them is

WickedSerious · 30/09/2023 11:07

UncleHerbie · 30/09/2023 09:59

Your luck is in …

“Can someone serve as godparent by proxy (stand-in) if the godparent is unable to participate in the baptism ceremony? If a godparent cannot attend the baptism ceremony, a proxy can stand in the place of the missing godparent. The name of that person will be entered as “proxy” in the Sacramental Record Book.”

My parents were godparents to my cousin's children,they weren't even invited to the christening.

WasThereAnotherTroyforHertoBurn · 30/09/2023 11:07

A pound to a penny this is to do with entrance to a faith school at a later date.

PreetyinPurple · 30/09/2023 11:11

I’d have a sick baby and give it a miss personally. There’s a bit of a trend of non-religious people having christenings and then having parties/presents. Just an excuse.
If I was local I would go, but I wouldn’t travel for that.

TigerQueenie · 30/09/2023 11:13

I won't go to any christenings, because they're crap and I'm not religious. Nobody in their sane mind would expect people to travel 5 hours for a christening.

I'd also absolutely prioritise my sister's wedding over literally any christenings.

However, you agreed to be godparents so this is your own fault.

Elphame · 30/09/2023 11:15

I'd have a prior engagement and not go

If you are not religious do you really think it's appropriate to stand there and promise to bring the child up in a faith that neither you nor the parents actually practice?

DilemmaDelilah · 30/09/2023 11:19

If you are going to be godparents then you have to go. If you don't want to go you shouldn't have agreed to be godparents. We travelled at least 5 hours for the christening of my nephew's child because a) I believe and think christenings are important
b) it was a big family event and a good opportunity to catch up with more distant relatives. However we broke the journey by staying with my sibling half way there on the way and on the way back and, if that hadn't been possible we would have found a cheap hotel.
I do understand how you feel - I frequently have to make myself go to family events on DH side, but he goes to mine so only fair I go to his. Just unfortunate timing for you this time.

JudgeRudy · 30/09/2023 11:21

If I wasn't prepared to travel to the Christening, I wouldnt be a godparent. I mean, let's face it neither family has God in their lives and you're not in a position to be prepared to act up and take on the responsibility of the role. I don't understand why they haven't just opted for a naming ceremony.
Personally I think you could attend if it was important enough to you. The other option is your OH attends on his own. Either way you should not be 'godparents'.

CostelloJones · 30/09/2023 11:25

It is starting to sound like you don’t like your husbands side of the family. Just saying.

Gettingbysomehow · 30/09/2023 11:29

I refused to be my own sisters godparent because I. Pagan not Christian. What's the point in that. Godparents are supposed to be Christian. It's in the name. I am their self styled fairy godmother. They love that.

Upwiththelark76 · 30/09/2023 11:34

YABU . Just suck it up and do something for his family . Not a huge ask .

Testina · 30/09/2023 11:39

YABU for ever having accepted the request to be a godparent in the first place. You’re hiding behind it’s all your husband’s fault, but it isn’t - you chose to say yes.

All but one of your reasons not to want to are legitimate - but also pre-existing. Even the baby that was OK in a car, was predictable possible to change. So not going is rude.
The one that I think isn’t legitimate is you thinking it’s not a proper christening anyway… because you chose to buy into the charade.

Which doesn’t mean you have to go - but I think you have to recognise the rudeness.

HerRoyalHeinzness · 30/09/2023 11:41

Could you be there by video link instead?

Dontcallmescarface · 30/09/2023 11:47

Can he go to the Christening on his own and you go to the wedding on your own? That way no family is "favoured" above the other.

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