To not travel for christening

[Waddlequack]

Sorry this might be a bit long.

It's my husband's niece's christening coming up soon and it would be at least a five hour drive without stops, traffic ect.

We have been asked to be god parents. Very honored of course although we are not religious. Nor are the parents.

I have 3 very small children. One is 8 months and absolutely hates being in the car seat. She used to sleep but now just screams until she is out again. It's horrendous and so stressful driving anywhere. My eldest was like this aswell and I remember the absolute hell of trying to do long journeys with him and I never wanted to go through it again.

Of course I want to visit family but was just going to wait until the baby is a bit older and happier to be in the car. I cannot face it!

We also have a family wedding coming up a few weeks after the christening which is another really long drive. This has been booked for years and I absolutely have to go to this. I cannot face doing two of these massive journeys just weeks apart.

Another issue is we are planning on staying at a relatives home for the christening. Very kind of them to have us but this home is really not baby friendly at all.

We also don't have a travel cot plus the baby only sleeps when Co sleeping really so I have to sleep on a single matatress on the floor with the baby whilst the older children sleep in the bed with my husband. All in the same room where I can imagine them all waking each other up ect. Not the end of the world but just another thing really putting me off.

Also, these parents are not religious. None if us are. It's just one of those 'for the sake of it' type of christenings so it all seems a lot of effort for something so pointless. Sorry that sounds a bit mean. I think they just want a family party so it does seem such effort for no real reason.

The whole thing is just causing me massive dead and anxiety to be honest.

What do you think? Do I need to suck it up or am I reasonable to give it a miss.

Thanks for reading.

I agree.
I don't want to cause any upset to anyone. I thought he would understand a bit more but it is more important to him than I thought.

That's a pity that DH isn't on board. :( In your position I'd probably try to go then, more for the sake of being supportive of DH than for any other reason (wouldn't be saying that if you hadn't already accepted, but it's harder to pull out of things than to decline from the start). If it makes you feel better about the hypocritical side of things, as you're not Catholic it won't actually be you making promises you can't keep - it will be the parents and DH. Just plan as easy a trip for yourself and the baby as you possibly can (throw a bit of money at it if necessary), chalk it up to experience and refuse to say an immediate yes to future invitations until you've had a chance to think them through properly.

I’m guessing the christening is for your DH sisters child and she’s asked your dh if you’d both to be god parents. I’m not surprised he wants to go. He probably feels very honoured by his sister’s dc christening.
I know you think your sister’s wedding is more important, as it is to you, but I’m not surprised your husband wants his family there.
Try to identify why you do doesn’t like the car, is it because they’re bored, uncomfortable or can’t see you? Is it the noise or is it habit. You say dc used to ok, so it’s unlikely that it’s noise so I’d start with looking at the car seat, then at what their next need is.

I wouldn’t particularly want to go either, but why do you keep bringing up the reason that your sister’s wedding has been in the calendar for 2 years and the Christening only since last month? No Christening is going to be booked far in advance - by their very nature they are usually arranged with fairly short notice, so please don’t use that as an excuse to your in laws.

Is he the one doing most of the driving if you all go?

Can he cope with a baby crying off and on for hours and the possibility of several stops, possible road works and even traffic jams?

If you have time, could you all do a 1 hour trip somewhere and back and see how that works?

I know my own DH struggles when our oldest gets upset in the car (he’s 8 and autistic) and starts screeching for 15-20 minutes without a cause we can see and our son loves car rides.

It’s easy for him to be annoyed about the prospect when he hasn’t done the drive yet. If he can cope with it, then you’ll have to unfortunately go too, despite your reasonable reservations, but if he can’t, you have shown him what you both will likely be dealing with for the entire trip there and back.

I think he should go to his nieces christening but its too much for you he can go alone or take the older two. Personally I'd get a hotel and do the drive slow and try and make a think of it though as his family's events are as important as yours.

@Waddlequack

If you've agreed to go and be Godparents then yes you really should go.

It is also not your place to judge whether this Christening should even be taking place. Your in-laws might have religious or spiritual faith that is personal to them even if they are not outwardly religious. Not every irreligious person is an atheist as some atheists incorrectly assume.

Godparents do not need to be religious as they are not expected to take a religious role in the child's life. Rather they are promising to be a guide in the child's life so that they grow to be happy and compassionate (qualities that are important in Christianity) as opposed to being horrible and selfish. Saying that you wouldn't do this because it's 'before God' and 'you don't believe in it' is just being pedantic.

That might be true for most babies, but it is certainly not true for all. We had a screamer who would not relent. Our move across the country was torture for all of us even with many stops. Much, much later got a diagnosis and everything made sense, but you just don’t know what is going on with a baby who screams bloody murder every second in a car seat.

Just a thought. Do you need a new car seat. Guessing you will have used for the other children.

is the padding worn out? Is it the correct size for your child?

Could you borrow one from someone and take little one for a drive, see if makes a difference?

Is baby wearing comfortable clothes for a long journey?

Sounds obvious, but with life being busy we all overlook these things sometimes.