Is this CF, and have I been out of order?

[IDontCareMatthewImSpeakingToRachel]

I don't think I am, but this has caused massive fallout.

A few months back 'friend' messaged me, telling me about a big event she was invited to and if I could help her with an outfit / shoes etc. friend is quite a glass half empty sort of person and has incredibly low self esteem so I've always been there for her to help / lift her spirits and just be an all round good friend to her.

I lent her a very expensive pair of shoes, I drove to her and helped with her hair and make up (she's not local to me) as I wanted her to look and feel fabulous for her event.
Yesterday I asked for my shoes back as I have an upcoming wedding to go to. Long story short she sent me an essay about how tough life is for her, and how ashamed she is, that she has sold my pair of shoes. (These are Christian louboutin shoes that were given to me as a wedding present a couple of years back) I told her that I was really angry at this, they weren't her shoes to sell. Friend went on to say she was under the impression that I GAVE her the shoes, and they were her shoes to sell.
I went back to the original message of when I offered them to her and it reads as follows..

'I have a pair of X you can wear, I won't need them for the time being so you can wear these if they fit you, you will look fabulous.'

From my understanding there was nothing about her being able to keep the shoes.

Anyway, I asked her who she sold them to and they were pawned. I called the store, explained that the shoes were mine and they confirmed they still have them and they haven't been sold on.
I told friend this, and told her she must buy the shoes back immediately.

She's agreed to buy them back, but has said that she will go without food, not be able to pay her mortgage for the month, and basically made me sound like a CF for asking her to do this. She's basically turning this whole thing back around on me, telling me that I could easily buy another pair of shoes. (I can't.. I don't have that disposable money as everyone knows how expensive life is at the mo!)

AIBU? I'm lucky I found the store she pawned them to and I'm lucky they haven't been sold on, she sold them recently and I gave them to her only a few months back so it's not as if they've been laying collecting dust under her bed!

She's now saying she won't be able to feed her kids (who are both in their late teens / early twenties May I add) and is trying to guilt trip me into saying don't worry about it.

The shoes have sentimental value, they were given to me by someone very special which is why I would rather have those specific shoes back rather than giving me the money for them. I guess it is my fault really for letting her borrow them. Needless to say, the friendship (of 15 years) is over.

If I could have edited my post, I would have. I couldn't.

Don't really GAFS about when it was posted. It is just a loser looking for attention on Tattler. Color me shocked.

Whilst your friend is there and you’re composing your letter OP you should also write a complaint to the FCA (or other relevant financial body) to raise a strongly worded concern about the pawn shop’s failure to have procedures in place to avoid this sort of scenario and their refusal to return your stolen property.

Well this post really took a crazy turn. Why the hell is Tattle involved?!

OP, have a good catch up with your friend later!

That letter to the pawn broker was really good. Needs to copy in their licensing body as well though.

Perhaps just worry about yourself

Tbh the tattle poster has been around a long time. It's a battle of the CFs

This friend can't be so awful if she travelled for over 2 hours just to babysit your child while you went for a meal.

Perhaps the request for money was to cover the travel costs of her 4-hour round trip.

That hardly excuses theft now does it?

@BlurredEdges - are you seriously suggesting that driving to the OP’s, to babysit for her, justifies the ‘friend’ selling a pair of expensive shoes that she was lent??

I don't remember where the OP mentioned that the Cfer travelled for two hours. Maybe the OP drove her child there and picked them up after OP/DH date?

I went back and double-checked. Nope, OP doesn't mention that the woman drove for 2 hours to child-sit. Frankly, I think the CFer's true colors showed when she expected payment for doing what should have been a favor. Especially since OP had done the CFer so many favors. Relationships are supposed to be a two-way street but CF is in a one-way alley, her way.

It seems it was a one-sided relationship where CFer took advantage of and victimized the OP, her friends and her family.

What a twat-waffle.

Just go and get the shoes back yourself.

"DF" will dilly dally for months over it, and in that time there's no guarantee the shoes will still be available.

Just cut her out, swallow the cost of getting them back, and call that the cost of buying yourself out of the relationship with this utter CF.

"Dear CF, as you have come up with excuse after excuse for not going and retrieving my shoes and returning them to me, I went to the shop and bought them back myself. Don't contact me again. I won't be responding."

@BlurredEdges

You seem pretty determined to pick my thread apart don't you.

CF moved 2 hours away, she hasn't always been 2 hours away. I wouldn't ever expect anyone to come and look after my child who lives 2 hours away. Also, even if she was 2 hours away, that still doesn't mean she can steal my things and sell them on and leave me hundreds of pounds down.

If you're going to pick everything apart just leave the thread and return to your tattle thread.

Good come back OP. I am rooting for you & your friends all the way!! NO excuses or sympathy for CF

Nope. I'm suggesting it might have been why she asked for money. To cover the costs of a 4 hour round trip to babysit.

No.

So therefore your comment is irrelevant to the subject of the post 🙄

OP - FWIW I think you're 100 percent telling the truth

But I think you're starting to enjoy the drama of this thread a bit too much !

Part 2? Why??

So I have an update.

I've just spent the past 2 hours with my DF. We've written the letter, with the help of some posters on here. I will post it tomorrow.

CF owes a couple of our friends money, but I think my friends are going to cut their losses here and block her. I've never told my friends / family how I met this woman and what happened in her past as I was always told to keep it a secret. Which I stupidly did. She got into my head as a teenager and it turns out that a lot of what she has told me is probably lies. I introduced her into my friendship circle in my 20s and everyone assumed she was someone I met out and about. No one ever really questioned it. Looking back when I was young and after confiding in my friend about how the friendship started, there is a lot of manipulation and coercive control that's come to light. She has told things to my friends about her past that are different to what she told me.

This woman is a total catfish and has me hooked for 15 years. She's a con artist and a scammer.

I'm desperately hurt, questioning my own boundaries at the tender age of 15 but as I said I was incredibly vulnerable myself and lost in the world at the time, and CF picked up on this and pounced. She's got away with it for 15 years but this is all now going to stop.

The letter is typed and printed, my shoes are on their way, and once I have my shoes and my money, CF will be made aware that we have all found out who she really is.

I can't believe this has all happened but with the help of all of you lovely posters on here, and my lovely bunch of friends, we've got to the bottom of it. We've figured this woman out. She's a very clever woman, she probably thought all her christmases came at once when I invited her in and she made friends with such a lovely, giving group.

Im hurt and angry. The fact that I let her look after my little girl. I thought I could trust her. I thought she was a lovely woman who had a shit hand at life, who turned her life around and just wanted to be love and accepted, which is what we all did.

I wonder if she offered to pay OP for traveling to help her get ready for a party?

Yes and you should be bitter! My guess is the large majority of people who steal and end up in prison don’t do it just for the thrill of it and do it due to necessity - but that doesn’t mean those who have been stolen from should just let others get away with it.

I had an ex who did something similar, but at least there was nothing of sentimental value. I ended up not even trying to get a penny back as so many others seemed to think that the stress would have been too much that it wasn’t worth it, or seemed to feel sorry for him as he must have been desperate. Others said just to see it as a very expensive lesson. So he just got away with it and eventually I had to take out a loan to pay the debt and put myself back a few years with this! Don’t be a mug like me. Even if the police/small claims court don’t manage to sort anything for you, you absolutely must report it.

You owe absolutely nothing to the ex-friend and it’s entirely of her own doing.

Sorry that you have had to go through this. My blood is boiling reading about it! The entitlement that some people have is unbelievable. Send me a DM if you want to chat!

I'm not, I'm just aware that many posters have put a lot of time helping me, typing out letter templates, and the thread is close to being closed.

So I will keep those posters, who helped me updated.

This whole thing has been extremely upsetting and this thread has really helped me.

Glad you got your shoes back - I hope you’ve binned the so called friend x

You see from certain posters on this thread and posters generally on MN prove WHY its so so difficult to get convictions for certain offences in this country. The constant victim blaming. Picking apart anything in the OP’s account to suggest its not all it seems. I see it constantly on MN. Some posters even make up bits of the “facts”to fit their own narrative of victim blaming 🤬

OP - glad shoes are on the way. Personally Id get the shoes first and then report the matter to the police. You have no idea what else the police already know about CF. Plus it will put the boot in for the pawn ( fence ) shop 👠👠

Thank you so so much. I really appreciate it.
I'm definitely not going down without a fight and everything (with the help of my friends) will be reported to the official channels!