To think my husband should help pay for my car?

[strawberryscones]

I drive, my husband does not and never learned to drive as no interest. I have a car which I bought myself 8 years ago. I work from home these days so I don't use the car for work, but we live quite rurally so the car is needed to get about at weekends, food shopping etc. I don't use it much for solo drives these days.

I have always paid for the insurance, service, MOT, repairs etc. this seemed fair enough when I was using the car for work, but now i use the car for mainly joint 'leisure' activities, I feel this is unfair. Husband also works from home, with maybe 1 trip every two months to the office, so he doesn't have the travel costs he used to.

I said the next time the insurance, service etc is due, I believe the joint account should be used to cover it. He went ballistic, and said it's my car so I should pay for it. He said if it was jointly paid for, he would expect me to basically be his taxi driver and provide lifts whenever he wants, wherever he wants. I said I can't do that as I have a job etc, and it's my time as well as the car.

He then said ok, get rid of the car then. But I think it would be difficult with where we live to do so.

AIBU to expect the car to be a joint expect, even if he doesn't drive it?

I should also add he earns £80k whereas I am on under £30k. He puts slightly more in the joint account than I do, but even after that he still has £2k more than I do in disposable 'fun' money every month.

I would give him the choice of either accepting that all car costs come out of the joint account, or he pays you every single time he gets in your car.

Work out how much your car costs you in insurance and maintenance each year, and add a figure for annual depreciation. Divide by 365. This is your daily cost of owning the car, petrol not included. Every time he gets in the car with you he pays you half the daily cost, plus half the cost of however much petrol you are using for that journey.

Sounds stupid? That's because it is.

The alternative is paying your car costs from the joint account.

Oh and even then you wouldn't be his taxi driver. Tell him he can either learn to drive or learn to use public transport if he wants to go places just for his own benefit.

They're usually in my OWN EXPERIENCE - what part of this didn't you read? I'm allowed to state my experience, of course I don't know billions of people who occupy this Earth.

Agree your financial situation is abusive.
your money should be pooled together every month, everything paid, and then the rest split between you equally. As in 50:50.
it shouldn’t make any difference that he earns more than you as you are married.
he is being very very unreasonable and you are being financially abused imo. It’s not just about the car but about the overall split of finances. X

I work PT as I have a baby under 1, partner works full time.
I drive, he doesn't. I use the car almost every day for either work, baby groups, to see family, shopping, etc etc.

Car tax, insurance, mot and petrol all come out of the joint account that partner pays more into.
As does the pet insurance for the dog we have that was already 8 years old before partner even came onto the scene.

All bills come out of joint, we have a joint savings (which doesn't have much in it anymore admittedly,) and a savings account for the baby when they're older. We don't have separate savings accounts yet but plan on once I'm full time and we have more income.
We have our own spending accounts that we are paid into.

I really struggle to understand people who are selfish with money.
You share your lives but not your money?

Myself and my partner have been doing finances like this since we moved in together a year into the relationship.

Your car expenses should definitely be coming out of the joint account.
If he refuses I would refuse to drive to the shops and demand you pay for it to be delivered from now on, to save the wear and tear on the car you have to solely pay for, and fuel. Any time he needs to go out he can get the bus or taxi. Going out for dinner together? He can pay half the fuel.

At the minute we are a one car family.

even when we were 2 cars we’d pay separately for our own insurance and fuel but services and MOTs we pay for out the family money and any big trips we use the family money for that. We both know we could jump in each others car and it wouldn’t matter.

at The minute I’m still paying for my car and putting the fuel in but he’s adding extra in the family fund to cover the extra petrol I’m using and he said he’ll put the money he would have used for his tax and insurance in as well

id be so annoyed if he didn’t. We don’t live rural but he works 20 minutes away by car so we’re sharing at the moment while we save for a new one 😂

he also earns approximately double than me (24k vs 45k)

definitely not unreasonable and get charging!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I didn't use to drive and now do, both have own cars but my DH is still the main driver for 'family' stuff as he is more confident driver.

I don't really think he should pay into buying the car, the MOT/service/repairs or pay on the insurance as those are things in your name that YOU would soley keep if you split.

Petrol I can maybe see being fair to share from a household pot if you have that but it feels very petty to be like 'you owe me £3.60 in petrol for driving to Asda twice last week'.

Tax could go either way especially if paid monthly.

Frankly I never seen the point of 'household' pot though. We keep finances separate, we divvied up bills and then just pay our bills and the household bills that are our responsibility (so I pay electric, internet/phone etc... in my name and he pays gas, water etc... in his name).

Then, he shouldn't be using OP has a personal chauffeur. He can use his two legs and walk or get the bus! (Which is almost impossible living rurally).

He's on more than double OP is and has £2,000 a month fun money...

Driving brings on convenience which he has no problem exploiting.

Lugging grocery on the bus isn't much fun in the rain!

He definitely needs to be at paying at least half of cars upkeep, plus petrol. Otherwise pay for a taxi.

Is there some medical reason as to why he has never learned to/ can't drive?

He's treating you like a taxi, so charge him as if you were a taxi driver
What a dick...

Plus, it's possibly just me, but I really judge people who can't be arsed to learn to drive and assume that someone else will always do it for them.
It's an essential life skill imo and would completely put me off a partner who couldn't be bothered....

Put me off a neighbour who never learnt, probably a good thing for other road users though ...

When you say he went ballistic, I sometimes use words that exaggerate things a bit so I wanted to ask if he did actually shout and get very angry with you? Because if he did, given how much more he earns, I’d find his attitude to sharing money between you seriously worrying.

It depends for me. In a rural area? Of course but somewhere like London? I don't think so.

It's the inconvenience for me, more than the money. Neighbour, I gave very local lifts to, ended up demanding 24/7 care. Numerous calls in the middle of night. Very rude to me when a hospital appointment was cancelled, then possibly on, as I'd arranged to do something else.
She then stopped all contact. No good deed etc

I just don't get this at all. There was no "your money or my money" in my marriage - it was all our money. There were times when he was earning more and times when I was; but it made no difference to us.

YABU!

it’s your car! Your problem.
I think some money towards fuel for trips/paying for parking might be fair but asking for stuff around general maintenance is not!
I do think you need to find a better way for finances though.
my husband pays for our household bills etc. as he earns substantially more. My pay is split between us for ‘fun’ money inc fuel, pet food etc. anything after is split between us so we have equal money after

There are people who live in London who still choose to drive. I know plenty, they chose to because they wanted to go on road trips and explore the country and not be limited to public transport.

Its a ballache having to lug luggage in cold weather.

Then, there's others who use London as an excuse.

If you didn't have a car already and couldn't afford one, what would he do?
Likely he would buy you one so you could both benefit from it
Or, he would learn to drive and get his own car
You both use the car so you should both pay for it. You also have to drive every time which is even more reason for him to help pay.
Silly man. Tell him if he doesn't like it, he can learn to drive and get his own car. He'll soon realise that paying half for yours is much less effort

So you're bankrolled by your spouse and you think OP should bankroll hers. 🙄

Why don't you get a better paying job and stop freeloading off your husband.

I'm aware, I'm in London. There's also plenty that don't, not everyone is interested in road trips and some people manage to explore the country just fine on public transport.

I can drive to be fair but I don't own a car.

Public transport with luggage is headache, then bring on kids. So many delays, cancellations and train strikes. Very risky at the moment.

That's exactly what I am saying.

You don't have to own a car, as long as you know how to drive one then you can hire a car for a trip. You don't need it 365 days of the year.

For me the weather aspect probably puts me off using public transport, luggage then my kids.

No point owning a car when you won't use it, just know the basics of how to drive is key and owning a licence. Then, when you want to travel - hire a car.

I’m afraid I would sit back at the weekend and let him source the transport required for everything that needs the car and say sorry I don’t want to put unnecessary mileage on it as I’m selling as you suggested

@strawberryscones are you going to come back?

Have you had a reflect?

Wow. How can you live with this man?!! He earns more than twice your salary, you’re married and he won’t pay for half your car? I wouldn’t be married to him long if I were you!!