To think my husband should help pay for my car?

[strawberryscones]

I drive, my husband does not and never learned to drive as no interest. I have a car which I bought myself 8 years ago. I work from home these days so I don't use the car for work, but we live quite rurally so the car is needed to get about at weekends, food shopping etc. I don't use it much for solo drives these days.

I have always paid for the insurance, service, MOT, repairs etc. this seemed fair enough when I was using the car for work, but now i use the car for mainly joint 'leisure' activities, I feel this is unfair. Husband also works from home, with maybe 1 trip every two months to the office, so he doesn't have the travel costs he used to.

I said the next time the insurance, service etc is due, I believe the joint account should be used to cover it. He went ballistic, and said it's my car so I should pay for it. He said if it was jointly paid for, he would expect me to basically be his taxi driver and provide lifts whenever he wants, wherever he wants. I said I can't do that as I have a job etc, and it's my time as well as the car.

He then said ok, get rid of the car then. But I think it would be difficult with where we live to do so.

AIBU to expect the car to be a joint expect, even if he doesn't drive it?

I should also add he earns £80k whereas I am on under £30k. He puts slightly more in the joint account than I do, but even after that he still has £2k more than I do in disposable 'fun' money every month.

The answer to this question is Yes, even before I've read the OP.

Because in marriage everything is joint so it doesn't matter who pays.

But having read the OP your husband is a dick and your money arrangemnts represent a dysfunctional marriage.

A marriage where one person has more money than the other and this is assumed to be fair has a great big fault line in it that this arrangement represents.

People with these kinds are sperate buut together arrangements for a marraige are more likely to divorce.

why wouldn’t he contribute? You’re married and he benefits.

I think the bigger issue is the way you divide and manage your money generally.

What an utter prick…. Honestly what planet is he on. He needs a wake up call! I wouldn’t be taking him anywhere from now on in….

We have, what we consider a joint car. I drive it weekdays as my work is a 40 minute commute. When we go out of a weekend Hubby normally drives. I paid for the car and I pay for the petrol. Hubby pays tax and insurance. I earn double what my husband earns that’s why we have this arrangement. I would never want to split everything equally as this would leave him with very little money and I kinda love him. He’s alright I suppose 😂

disregarding any financial situation etc, tbh you would still have to cover the cost of insurance, tax, MOT etc even if you didn’t have a husband, equally if he did have his own vehicle he would be responsible for those things himself too, so couldn’t be expected to cover yours as well. he should totally contribute to the fuel though, the activities you use the car for are joint household. If/when you might have children, would you also be expected to solely to cover the cost of all the additional fuel it will take to get them to nursery/school etc everyday? My partner contributes to fuel and occasionally servicing costs when needed etc. cause my car is the family car, he uses a van, and there isn’t even as big a pay gap with us. Think it also depends on the bigger picture as well in terms of how much more he contributes to the joint account, how similar your working hours are, who contributes to most of the household chores etc. my partner does earn more than me
but he works more than me in a physical trade. He pays about 70% of the household bills, but I do majority of the housework and childcare things. But then he’s doing most of the renovating/decorating etc. it’s very give and take to what’s needed when so no one is really disadvantaged.
overall in your situation my partner would contribute to the car as a whole and not just fuel as even having the car available would benefit him too.

I would tell him when you do joint activities/leisure activities that requires the car that you will meet him there. See how long he feels that the car is solely your responsibility.

New counterproposal: he pays for the car completely, you provide the driving services. When you're available and not working obviously, unless he wants to pay you a full time chauffeur salary too.

If I’ve ever used a credit card in the past it was just because I didn’t have the money in my current account but I would have it to pay it off by the due date. There’s never been a bill that has been unaffordable and the service plan covers most of it and that’s only £20 a month for 3 years services and MOTs. If there was an unexpected bill then it would come from our savings but although it’s the family car, it’s my car. If he left he wouldn’t have it. We only have joint savings, I have never wanted a joint current account. He gives me x amount every month towards bills, everything comes out of my current account and what is left from my wages is mine and what is left from his wages is his. I know what he earns, he doesn’t know what I earn, he doesn’t want or need to know. Our finances work for us. If I need anything my DH would happily give me his last £ and vice versa. Despite finances being quite separate we both know that ultimately it’s our money (but my car).

I don’t want to be reliant on my DH, I pay my own way for my car. What would you do if your husband wasn’t in a position to pay for absolutely everything?

So you get the privilege of paying to drive him around?

This is the way. OP should start charging him each time she drives him. Also charge him half fare any time she uses the car to pick up household shopping.

Why isn’t your money going into a joint account for you both to benefit from?? Then all joint expenses come out of the same place! You’re married so everything should be shared! I don’t get it when couples don’t do this.

How exactly am I freeloading off my husband?

he sorts household bills. I cover the food shop and our 2 dogs food. Plus split the remainder between us to spend, I still put money out of what I have into my own savings and he has his own savings pot too.
it’s not quite 50/50, let’s face it no one’s is but I still contribute about 40% of our total outgoings.

I don’t drive, my husband does.
pits his car, not mine, he pay’s everything that’s involved with the car, I pay nothing and he takes me places, shopping, visit families and friends, drives us on holiday and he never asks me for a penny towards it!

@anonymousxoxo

Public transport with luggage is headache, then bring on kids. So many delays, cancellations and train strikes. Very risky at the moment.

Not to mention where the last train of the day is at 7:15 pm and it only runs every two hours anyway, so if one is cancelled (happens too often) or you miss it, that's one hell of a wait, meaning missed appointments, late for work, etc. Even worse if you are late out of work, miss the 5:15 and wait on the station until 7:15 and then the sods cancel it and you're stranded. Then people wonder why so many want to use their cars instead of public transport.

I'm clearly in the minority here but I'm with your husband. It's your car so you should be paying for it, obviously this means going where you want when you want and if he wants a lift somewhere then he should be paying petrol money but if he's expected to pay towards it then yes he should be able to ask for lifts to where he wants to go. He could be expected to contribute to petrol and wear and tear but things like insurance and tax that you would have to pay regardless should still be paid by you.

Same here. All our earnings have gone into a joint account ever since we married and bought a house. All household expenses, motoring costs, phone contracts, etc come out of the joint account. Then what's left over goes into savings accounts and/or our own personal "spending money" account for small personal stuff, presents for each other, etc. Even car park costs come out of the joint account, as do takeaways, etc. It never crosses our minds to be awkward about which one of us puts more in, we're a partnership and trust each other not to spend/waste money randomly - we discuss and agree everything more than a few pounds, i.e. household gadgets, TVs, mobile phone contracts, etc. Finances etc were things we discussed and agreed long before we started going down the road of marriage/house buying, so there were no surprises nor arguments. Had we not been able to agree, then I wouldn't have married him!

It seems some marriages are more of a constant argument rather than a partnership - I couldn't be doing with all that drama and hassle.

It's a marriage, there should be no "his money" nor "her money".

If he doesn't want to pay, don't let him benefit from it. Don't collect shopping, do errands or drive him anywhere.

He needs to pay for shopping delivery and taxis. If you're going somewhere together, let him make his own way there.

Agreed, then people keep talking about London like that’s the whole of UK

Do you earn a lot more than him?
If he did ask you, would you contribute or maybe go ballistic?

We earn the same and apart from the groceries which we pay for alternative weeks, he pays every bill!

Should the DH of @Bertiesmum3 do the same to her? What’s good for the goose…..

I don't see why not @AmandasFleckerl. Obviously it depends on children, work etc.

For the OP, ferrying her husband around who earns 3x what she does is not economically viable.

He is an arse. I was on maternity leave and we only had one car. Dh looked at joint finances and decided we could afford a 2nd car so I could get out and about. These things should be shared