School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

I only give a gift to a child if we are going to their party or they are a personal friend. This is too much!

Ignore it, and either put a fiver in a card or take a gift. I wouldn't even get involved it won't last, as soon as the kids have smaller parties who's going to shell out for the whole lot. BONKERS

Me too.😊 they used to do something similar at a toddler group I took my kids to. You just contributed what you could afford and if you couldn't afford any you didn't have to. Most the others asked for 50p or £1.Was at the salvation army so has a charity shop there as well. So if they need to replace any of the toys they take some from the shop.

Don't even reply - just don't get involved. Seems really money grabby. I'd rather give money in a card or a present and make the choice myself based on the child.

I don't even like the collections for teachers now as they got a load of tat at the end of term last year. I thought the whole idea was to prevent a load of tat and get a big present or voucher. With the cost of living crisis and crap pay that teaching staff get I would rather give cash in a card so they can spend it on whatever they want.

Mute that what's app group ASAP! 😆

I've heard of this. It's called a "£5 party". So every parent gives a fiver if they want to. It's less than many spend on presents. Then say 20/30 kids give a fiver, you have £100 to buy the kid a present they actually want e.g. scooter/ bike etc. They open it at the party and it saves the waste of loads of plastic rubbish, getting 5 footballs, 8 sets of pens and 3 lego sets the same etc

Though I've not been to one, I think it sounds sensible. I usually spend more than a fiver and easier than buying for a kid you don’t know.

We do £5 straight to the parent of the kid whose birthday it is. Parent buys them a present and gives it to them at the party. Usually something a bit bigger that the kid wants/ needs.

The end. It’s awesome. I never go looking for a card or a present.

I do hope that all of the people here who love getting little Johnny a £10 present that will go straight to landfill never ever complain about mental load….

bonkers.

Our posts crossed! Everyone seems really riled by this don't they! I think it's a great idea. Why get the child a whole host of expensive rubbishy presents fir £8-£10 that take up space, when they can all spend less and take less time and get the kid something decent. So much better for the environment.

We do this for the teacher. So the teacher gets some nice presents/vouchers instead of eg 30 mugs

I would decide for myself, likely a wrapped gift, cash and a smaller gift if I felt that was more appropriate x

That's ridiculous I wouldn't be doing that either no thanks I'll sort own card and present or gift out at time of party.

I'm finding the same op the app for my reception age child is a bit bonkers.

Just weird and joyless - great idea for teachers etc but little kids like opening presents from their friends

I think many teachers (me at least) also prefer random little goodbye presents from kids on the last day as opposed to a £150 voucher or whatever presented by a parent. Primary school teachers get really attached to the kids in their class, so it’s lovely tor receive a little personal gift, or just a handwritten card. But for some reason many parents seem to think teachers love the Big Voucher type present.

@TakeMe2Insanity
I’d rather the mugs! (even when I was an NQT barely scraping 20k 😅)

I'm so grateful that WhatsApp groups for school mums weren't a thing when mine were younger, I would hate this.

My child been invited to a similar party in the past. It was a joint party for 3 kids who had their birthdays within the same 2 weeks so they decided to do a 1 big party. Instead of gifts they asked for some piggy bank money for each child in a card so every child can then put their money together and get something they truly wanted.

That was a non brainer to me I just put 5 pounds into each card and got a small additional little gift in a bag (like chocolates, smiggle crayons)The point was because it's a joint party realistically u would not want to spend too much money as its 3 gifts and not just one so it works out financially better for guests. If u r not comfortable putting it into account put it in a card. Why does it make u so angry though that's a real question? It is not your child's birthday this particular child perhaps is saving up for something really special and he doesn't want to receive another lego set or crayons they don't actually need.

I would just not make a fuzz as this is not my childs birthday and if you dont like it you can just refuse an invitation to a party.

I'd prefer this, but kids like getting and choosing presents for friends, it's a good lesson for them to go into a toy shop and choose for another person, so I wouldn't be joining in

I’m so glad to read this.

Yes weird. I’d do my own thing and not get sucked in personally.

It's quite selfish in my opinion to say ' my child loves choosing presents' so I won't be doing that nonsense. Birthdays are a special day for someone else and are not really about your child. They can do a handmade card if they want and choose some sweets to go with it that is normally enough for 5 years olds. I think OP is overthinking the whole situation and makes it personal because she believes this money won't reach a kid, that the kids would rather get a present etc. When the parents have probably discussed it with their child and agreed on that.

There is loads of batshittery on my youngest dc class WhatsApp. We haven’t had this yet but I’m pretty sure that’s only because no one has thought of it yet. Thank fuck he’s not my first or I would think this was normal!

We’ve had blow-by-blow screen shots of an entirely non essential school meeting to help “poor working parents who can’t go”. We’ve got one mum who forwards every screenshot from school into it. And one who posts about little Fred’s medical progress on an almost daily basis.

Id go for ignoring it all and doing whatever you fancy for gifts. “So sorry I must not have seen that “ or “oh I don’t think ds would like that - he loves choosing the gifts” probably covers it if anyone raises it.

That said, I’m all for fewer presents. No one needs 22 bits of plastic tat they can’t bill because it was a birthday gift!

It's quite selfish in my opinion to say ' my child loves choosing presents' so I won't be doing that nonsense.

It really isn't. It's where children learn to give, to be generous, and to think (as a pp said) about what their friend would enjoy, rather than what they would want.

A sector of a generation of a children who don't learn the art of gift giving and expect their parents to just shove some money in a card, will be the spouses moaned about on MN in twenty years, because they haven't learned how to give, and give thoughtfully.

Precisely. It isn't a bad idea, but only if it's optional.

I always put a tenner in a card for birthdays because I'm lazy but couldn't be bothered to participate in a group collection. So glad our class doesn't have a WhatsApp group. Just stay out of it, you can do your own thing.

Most of my colleagues (primary school teachers) much prefer a £150 voucher to lots of teacher mugs.....

It’s a weird suggestion and the fact that someone feels the need to collect the money is very weird. So it’s not even £10 in a card?

I’d opt out straight away using the text suggested by PPs.

Also, is there any chance that the cash collector is hard up and sees this as an opportunity to cream a little off the top each time?

I think choosing presents is the opposite of selfish and a good life skill. It encourages children to consider what another person might like. It's part of the ritual of a kids party...choosing, wrapping and handing over a gift. It also teaches the child receiving the gift how to show gratitude and appreciation even if it's not exactly what you wanted. Parents doing bank transfers is horribly detached and impersonal.