School mums asking for money

[Nesquik1]

Well not quite that but…..on WhatsApp group Someone suggested for birthdays we should not buy any presents but just give cash. I’ve got no issue with that but one of them has now volunteered herself to collect all the money for all birthdays! I don’t know why but I’m finding all this really odd and dictatorship.

If you want to give a present or cash do it but now there’s a list going “I’ve just transferred x amount did you get it?” etc. plus this volunteer is now going to make a list of all the parents names and how much each one giving?! I’m finding it so bloody odd, am I being weird or is this set up weird? The kids are 4/5 surely they want to open presents rather than get money put into mums account.

What would you do? Follow the sheep and transfer money and it’s done or decide yourself for each child whether to buy a gift or give cash?

Huh that's odd, I'd just tell them I love pickin out gifts and leave it at that. No one should decide what u do with you money that's just mad

We did this but everyone gave their own cards with money

In my kids school, there always used to be a ‘class mum’ who would be the organiser of the whatsapp group to get the money, it was alway the same amount for all kids ie £5 and along with the mums birthday kid will get the ideas on what to buy, no money will ever be gifted and every kid would have a present to give to the birthday kid on the day of the party that he/she actually wanted and liked instead of 22 presents that might be repeated or just bought on the pound shop 😆 I guess everyone is different but I loved to have that mum in my life!! 😜

Also, if parents just transfer money how do the kids learn about generosity and get the excitement of choosing and buying an appropriately priced and hopefully enjoyed gift? My daughter loved choosing and wrapping gifts, often colouring in the paper herself or making a card - actually she still does love it

I think a polite message to say you’ll do your own thing is best. I’m sure the person organising has good intentions, however there have been cases where collections have had money out for themselves and not tranferred the full amount. I wouldn’t be comfortable at all.

The reason is no one is brave enough to make a stand.

Had a similar thing at work where people had to transfer money to an account instead someone just collecting in an envelope plus there was a suggested amount which isn't on. Did it the first time as bowed to pressure but won't be doing it again esp as one collection was for someone who was a particularly nasty piece of work.

No way would I be giving money. Bad for kids and bad for the recipient. I'd politely decline. You'll probably find that you have a lot of support. Just that nobody wants to stick their head above the parapet.

We do something like this for our class and works very well. One of the parents suggested last year and since then we have been following this approach. IF you want to participante to a class present (but you do not have to) you contribute with £10 (or more or less, that is just a suggestion, which we tend to follow). Each party a different parent volunteers to collect the money, and at the end they discuss with the parent of the birthday child what present the child would like to have. To be honest I prefer to a) not having to think of 20 different presents to give b) that when is my child's birthday, he has one present that he really liked that loads of presents that will just not end up being given the warranted attention. It is not compulsory, and if you don't want to participate, you can give your own present (there was one time I forgot to contribute and had to do just that as when I remembered the present had already been bought), or just get a card. I think it makes life easier, but in our case it is not compulsory, and it should not be. If you prefer not to do that you should not have to.

I haven't read the full thread, and I am sure this point has already been made many times, but this person could just run off with the money?!

Not on the east side of the pond.

I think there should be flexibility around the decision to give money or buy presents.
Personally, it's more fun buying presents and children will remember presents more than money.

However if it has already been decided by majority of the group to give only money, then it should be a fixed and reasonable amount by all E.g £3 per person.

Monetary donations should be anonymous and names should not be published to avoid problems amongst the mums/dads in the group.

Someone may be going through financial problems and a £2 contribution for example could mean a lot to this person, while others may see this as an insult.

Monetary contributions should be given directly to the parent without publishing it.

There are probably other parents who feel the same as you OP but they don’t want to rock the boat this early on in reception, especially if this is their 1st Child to start primary school.
I was way more confident when it came to (respectfully) disagreeing with some of the more batshit class WhatsApp ideas when my 2nd child started.
Eldest now at secondary school and youngest in year 5 so 2 more years left of this sort of thing and tbh it is one of the things I won’t miss about the primary school years.
Definately say you would rather put money in a card yourself or buy the. Birthday child a gift, also don’t feel pressured into doing the whole class party thing if it isn’t for you or your DC, another thing I decided not to do with DC2, just invited the children he played with and was much less stressful.

Absolutely ridiculous and grabby.
I wouldn't do this.

Yes weird, I never got involved with this type of thing as it escalates over the year, people sharing pictures of their kids they end up on your camera roll, people get bitchy and talk about teachers etc
i would archive the chat and do your own thing.
keep well away.

I think lots of parents will be feeling that same as you but worried to go against the grain so early into school…
once you respond that you find cash impersonal and would rather buy a gift, but apologise for going against the grain… you may find half the parents agree with you!
But always do you!!

How odd, never heard of anything like this. As a pp said "Thanks for offering to set this up, but we're just going to carry on buying individual gifts. DC like to choose for their friends." is a good reply. I wouldn't subscribe to this madness.

But.....but.....where is the birthday fun in this? The stack of colourfull gifts, the exitement? To me this comes over as a fee you pay to be admitted to the party 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally I'd opt out, better still leave WhatsApp group. I just don't have the headspace for this type of stuff anymore.

We do fiver fever, each child gives a card with a fiver in it. If you have between 12 and 25 children giving that it is more than enough . The child gets gifts from family and cousins etc and then a stack of cards and a trip to the toyshop to pick out something they actually want and learn a lesson about money and value too. It avoids a house filled with rubbish and presents of toys they already have and rakes all of the headache out of buying gifts etc. My son even prefers the homemade cards from his friends he treasures them.

I bet most kids of this age group would rather have a small gift, £5.00 or £25 means nothing to them it is just paper and they don't get it.
A small toy, jigsaw or book would mean more.

What??? Bonkers! Children love having a present - they’re just little folk! Don’t spoil childhood.

It's not spoiling childhood for a child to choose what they would like themselves and avoid mountins of unwanted gifts.
I wonder if some pp realise how much of this stuff goes to landfill?

That is odd, weird and controlling. I don't think anybody should be telling anybody what to give to the children for their birthday. It's not a work leaving present. It also puts people under pressure to contribute a certain amount - there's a kind of shaming thing going on. Yes I'd say it's a nice idea but you're happy to sort out presents or money yourself.

This all reminds me of the PTA treasurer at my ex's old school, who stole the bank balance and when found out went to the Head with a sob story.
Rather than involve the police the silly sods hushed the whole thing up and arranged for her to repay it gradually (which of course she didn't)

Imagine my surprise when attending a later event, to find they'd entrusted her with collecting the subs

Just fyi you can use the Splitwise app as a much easier solution than chasing people (assuming you will continue). Can see who owes what etc and who’s paid who