If you're an only child, did you ever wish you had a sibling?

[redmalt]

I've always thought I was one and done but here I am having a second! I never envisioned my son having a sibling.

I've always wondered though, do those who are an only child ever wish they had a sibling? There is me and my older brother and I couldn't imagine being an only child.

Interested to hear opinions

Some people are worse off for having siblings. Most people are on balance better off, though.

Actually, I think the research on this is mixed. Some studies suggest that close sibling relationships have a positive impact on health and well-being. Others suggest that children become less content and less confident with each sibling that is added to their household.

There are so many other factors that feed into whether a child is happy. We always planned to have two but ended up with one due to secondary infertility. I wouldn't have it any other way now, as there have been so many benefits and so few negatives. DD has never wished for a sibling.

I do have a sibling and we get on well, but it definitely made aspects of my childhood much harder and I have no doubt that it had a negative impact on my confidence. And I'm still dealing with elderly parent care by myself, so no benefits there.

I really don't think that you can generalise. There are pros and cons to having siblings, and there are pros and cons to being an only child. How exactly it pans out for each individual will depend on multiple other factors. I don't think one type of family is necessarily any better than another.

I'd be very surprised if someone thought they had a miserable and lonely childhood purely because they didn't have a sibling, with no other factors involved. It surely can't affect you that much?
If it did, I'd be questioning the parenting. If an only child felt lonely, I'd like to think their parents would do whatever they could to arrange play dates, see wider family, etc.

Yes but I think mainly thanks to the very complicated relationship with my mother.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I agree 100%.

I'm an only and loved it to the extent that I was genuinely frightened that my parents would spring a sibling on me. Actually had nightmares about it as a child.

If only I'd known my Dad had had a vasectomy when I was 3 months old 🙄

They're just being dramatic honestly. If the worst thing to happen to you was being an only child, then you're lucky. Of all the things that happened to me in childhood that have negatively affected me, being an only doesn't even factor on the list. Actually I'm quite glad I'm an only because I wouldn't have wanted another child going through what I did!

Yes! Being an only child means I have to deal with elderly parents on my own. It's a huge and difficult responsibility.

I've only wished I had a sibling when my dad had cancer and sometimes when I wonder how I'll do it all when my parents are older and need more help.

He did something unforgivable. I left him.

I am glad I had more than one child as being a single parent without a break is not easy, but my children and I have overall had a noisy, chaotic, reasonably happy family life without him. I would say that they have overall benefited from having one another more than DC1 would have benefited just from having me. Their father has also been quite a big shared experience for them, and one which only they understand.

Agreed. I don't there any piece of 'research' can prove the benefits, or otherwise of sibling relationships conclusively.
You can have easy or difficult children. Just the same way you can have easy, or difficult siblings.

Nah. I'm an only raising another only. I have no deluded or romantic notions of what could have been. It was (still is) so much easier being the only kid in the family. I have good memories of a close knit relationship between myself and my parents whilst growing up. And I hope DS looks back fondly at the ease, privilege and dynamics of his own childhood.

It is indeed difficult, but what makes you think having a sibling would mean that the responsibility is automatically shared?

More often than not, the burden of caring for older parents falls to one child. In my mum's case, it was her. In my case, it's me. I have friends who have fallen out with their siblings over this issue and gone NC. Simply having siblings is no guarantee that you won't have to deal with elderly parents alone.

Honestly, I often feel that it would be easier if it was just me, and then at least I wouldn't feel any resentment towards anyone for not doing their fair share. Then again, if I was an only child, perhaps I would just wish that i did have a sibling based on the erroneous assumption that they would help if they existed!

I'm the youngest of four so I can't answer your question directly. However, I now have three kids knowing I didn't want one child in case they were lonely. I loved being part of a little tribe myself. My boys do argue sometimes, they're nearly 6 and 4 BUT, if either of them get hurt, the other is the first to be there, check on each other and look after one another. That's not scripted from me or DH. When they play together it's pretty amazing 😍. I now have a 1 yo DD and the way they treat her is pure magic 🥰 I'm very happy with my brood. We're three and done (I think)

For me this is a tricky one. I have 3/5 siblings 3 in my life who are mums kids 2 others that are just dads which I never had much contact with and still don’t even though my dad is dead.

i love my siblings ( 2 sisters,1 brother) however not one of us have a good partner between us and life is stressful. They bring me drama and headache however I do have fun with them too and I know in the future as we all get older we will become each other’s rock even further but it is hard. My brothers only just left school but he’ll be totally the opposite to us.

i have a two year old and I’m debating now whether I’d have another because on one hand I’d love for me and mu daughter to go abroad live life together but also give her the best shot at creating her own life better than the one I’ve got. But I also don’t want her to be lonely. That being said her dad has 4 children 2 of them no contact but the eldest she does see regularly however I don’t think this is the same as look at the state of me and my dads other children.

im only 29 next year so I’ve got time but I really am thinking about it but it’s also about where life takes me. I’m not wanting to even consider it until she’s 4 though.

Only child here. Rest of my cousins were all one of 2 or even 3. All my parents’ friends had 2 kids at least. Most of my friends too. Always felt like the odd one out. Had a particularly unhappy childhood. All my parent’s expectations centred on me which put a lot of pressure on me to conform. Rightly or wrongly I always felt a sibling would have equalled out that attention which was quite toxic. I ended up having 2 DC who now they are older actually really get on and on the whole are far more relaxed and confident than I have ever been..

Nope.
Would theoretically have liked to have been a twin, but since I wasn't, didn't ever want any other siblings. Very grateful parents were one and done.

Don't have any living relatives left now, but have friends and partner, so don't feel any lack.

I was sad at being the only child and I really loved being with my cousins and having them over. Would draw fantasy family pics where I pretended my cousin is my little sister.

After that didn't think too much about it.

My DH has nice siblings, couple much closer than another.

funny how no-one ever starts a thread questioning whether people despised their siblings growing up

Nobody needs to start one - those posters always crash the threads about only children!

Only when my parents briefly separated when I was about 25. It was very hard being the only emotional support child and mediator for both instead of telling them both to piss off and talk to Pippa or whatever my made up sister would be called.

but apart from that, no. I used to say stuff about wanting a little sibling when I was small, but I didn’t really mean it or understand it. By the time I was in my teens, I loved my calm home and opportunities I had as an only.

I see friends with very close siblings and get a slight pang, but it’s never guaranteed. I know plenty of apathetic siblings who don’t bother with each other minus a text at Christmas. In some situations there were 3+ kids but only one sister was left to care for their parents with no help. To the more extreme end of the spectrum, I know someone who was sexually abused by their brother for years. You cannot promise that siblings will help, support and enhance your existing child’s life.

I have my own family now. My child will be an only (unless I have a surprise, late-discovered pregnancy….but i’m actively planning for OAD). I don’t want another child and there are no guarantees that any sibling will benefit or enhance her life. Probably would. But maybe not.

I don't remember ever being lonely when I was a child. I had friends who I spent a lot of time with, and the two other girls in my neighbourhood only had brothers so we spent a lot of time together.

I also had a good relationship with my parents, and they didn't have unrealistic expectations of me doing well at school, work, etc. - they simply accepted me as I was. I did attend a lot of adult functions, which I think was good for me. I think I can cope better with problems than others do - there is only me, so I just have to get on with it.

My Mum was an only and always wished for a sibling.

My Dad was one of ten so she married into a huge family.

My sister is so precious to me, I'm so grateful to have her and I always wanted two so they'd have eachother. I have 1 DD and another on the way with the same age gap as my sister and I.

Always. My parents had a very unhealthy relationship and I was always the 'adult' whilst they were the children. It was a lot to deal with and I longed for a sibling to share the load with.

Yes, being an only myself definitely made me decide that I wanted to have more than one child.

My parents were loving, but had health problems (one physical, the other mental) from my early childhood and it was a lot to cope with. I had friends, but as a child/teen, you can’t really share what it’s like to be constantly worried about one or both parents!

My teenagers are very different personalities and inevitably bicker/ sometimes, but we’ve tried to teach them to always have each other’s backs and I think they will. My DH was brought up to be like that with his siblings and even though they’re v. different people, they’re always kind and nice to each other, and boost each other up. It’s nice to see.

Yes, I desperately wanted a sibling. I was very lonely and it framed a lot of my childhood. I always imagined having two kids but then I was hit with secondary infertility. It took me years to conceive and I needed IVF. But thankfully got there eventually. I would have been devastated if i we had never got there

I never missed having siblings growing up. But my Mum died in May and I would have loved to have had someone to help sort out the funeral etc. Also, I have to return to UK again next week to empty the house and it would be very very good to have someone to share that with.