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Original poster

If you're an only child, did you ever wish you had a sibling?

164 replies

redmalt · 27/09/2023 20:14

I've always thought I was one and done but here I am having a second! I never envisioned my son having a sibling.

I've always wondered though, do those who are an only child ever wish they had a sibling? There is me and my older brother and I couldn't imagine being an only child.

Interested to hear opinions Smile

OP posts:
LemonTreeSkies · 28/09/2023 04:43

Yes. I had a horrible childhood with parents both verbally and physically abusing each other. As a kid I wished I had a sibling for support instead of having to hear and watch what I did alone.

Fruitandclottedcream · 28/09/2023 05:28

Not in terms of loneliness. I had the odd bit of jealousy as a child. It was because I was an only child to a single mum and all my friends had "perfect" families with a dad and siblings. I didn't like being the odd one out.

But once I got over that I was more than fine with being an only child. I got to do lots of things, I wouldn't have been able to do if I had siblings; including going to Australia as a milestone birthday present.

Also... I did acquire step siblings as a teen. The experience just reinforced why I like being an only child. I do dread when my mum is old and frail though. It's a lot of responsibility for me.

PeloMom · 28/09/2023 06:05

@JoanChitty there’s never a guarantee. My uncle (younger than my mom) passed away recently and their mom (my grandma ) is still alive.

Beezknees · 28/09/2023 06:34

From reading this thread, it sounds like a lot of people who don't like being an only child had difficult parents. That's the crux of the issue, not being an only.

DutchCowgirl · 28/09/2023 07:14

I am an only child and only grandchild. I was very lonely as a kid and always dreamt of having a sibling. When my parents got elderly and my mother died it was a very hard time making difficult decisions on my own. And now there is nobody left to share childhood memories with.

whatchagonnado · 28/09/2023 07:24

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 27/09/2023 20:30

BTW, my children fight endlessly, even now they are adults, but they are still better off for having one another.

It's really interesting, that one.

My two DCs (15 and 17) bicker and argue a lot - but are good to each other a lot too. I've tried to intervene to keep the peace when they're arguing. I've been told not to, because they like the argument. It's an eye opener to me - that's how they like sorting things out between them. Which is fine. I let them get on with it now.

We went on holiday recently and I asked if they wanted separate rooms - nope, they like being in with each other. Confused

whatchagonnado · 28/09/2023 07:26

Btw, they not me not to intervene with the arguments

Mxflamingnoravera · 28/09/2023 07:42

Only now in my sixties do I wish I had a sibling. I have full responsibility for my mum and her sister (both in their eighties one with dementia and the other neurotic) and it's exhausting.

erlangshen · 28/09/2023 08:02

Beezknees · 28/09/2023 06:34

From reading this thread, it sounds like a lot of people who don't like being an only child had difficult parents. That's the crux of the issue, not being an only.

I agree! I had a happy childhood being an only mostly because my parents were always there for me. They have a good marriage, never seen them arguing in front of me. There was never financial struggles and they did everything they could to support me. My extended family too, we were very close and always had good time getting together. When I think about childhood, I know I was surrounded with lots of love.

Laiste · 28/09/2023 08:29

My parents were basically good people, and their marriage was happy, and my life was 'normal' in that there was no abuse or hardship. I was allowed friends round and was allowed to other kids houses ect. Bou can't have mates round all the time. 'Playing out' was a big thing when i grew up (80s) and winter and Xmas holidays ect, ... well you can't be playing out in all weathers. Seeing my friends going on holiday with their siblings ect., I roamed around on my own a lot on holiday like a lost soul! Once when i was about 10 i was allowed to bring one of my friends on our summer holiday and i loved it so much. Someone not adult and not sensible to bugger about with.

Also, being an only put a certain weight of expectation on my shoulders which i still feel today. The best parenting in the world doesn't remove the logic of the fact that you are IT. And for some onlys that weighs heavy. Not all obvs, but it did for me. At 10 or 11ish i guess i began to feel it.

I felt that i alone had the responsibility for reflecting my parents in a good light. If that makes sense? There's no one else to blame for anything when you're an only. No one else to providing joy. No one else causing anger. This search light shines on you all your life.

Later on in life it's changed to just a general sadness that i'm the only one. Yes some of my friends have siblings they don't see eye to eye with all the time, but others have sisters and brothers who have a special bond. No one else remembers my childhood the way it was from a child's perspective. It's hard to explain.

My own older DDs (20s and early 30s) are there for each other and love each other dearly. They are loving sisters to their youngest sibling also. 12 year gap.

Beezknees · 28/09/2023 08:31

Laiste · 28/09/2023 08:29

My parents were basically good people, and their marriage was happy, and my life was 'normal' in that there was no abuse or hardship. I was allowed friends round and was allowed to other kids houses ect. Bou can't have mates round all the time. 'Playing out' was a big thing when i grew up (80s) and winter and Xmas holidays ect, ... well you can't be playing out in all weathers. Seeing my friends going on holiday with their siblings ect., I roamed around on my own a lot on holiday like a lost soul! Once when i was about 10 i was allowed to bring one of my friends on our summer holiday and i loved it so much. Someone not adult and not sensible to bugger about with.

Also, being an only put a certain weight of expectation on my shoulders which i still feel today. The best parenting in the world doesn't remove the logic of the fact that you are IT. And for some onlys that weighs heavy. Not all obvs, but it did for me. At 10 or 11ish i guess i began to feel it.

I felt that i alone had the responsibility for reflecting my parents in a good light. If that makes sense? There's no one else to blame for anything when you're an only. No one else to providing joy. No one else causing anger. This search light shines on you all your life.

Later on in life it's changed to just a general sadness that i'm the only one. Yes some of my friends have siblings they don't see eye to eye with all the time, but others have sisters and brothers who have a special bond. No one else remembers my childhood the way it was from a child's perspective. It's hard to explain.

My own older DDs (20s and early 30s) are there for each other and love each other dearly. They are loving sisters to their youngest sibling also. 12 year gap.

I'm an only and nothing about this resonates with me. I just don't care I suppose. 😂

BrokenButNotFinished · 28/09/2023 08:50

All the time. Some of my closest friends over the years have been other only children. Sometimes we've joked about having 'sibling envy'.

givemeasunnyday · 28/09/2023 08:56

Beezknees · 28/09/2023 08:31

I'm an only and nothing about this resonates with me. I just don't care I suppose. 😂

Show quote history

It doesn't resonate with me either.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 28/09/2023 09:01

Nope never! But i have very good friends from childhood. We pretty much lived at each others houses as kids so I have them for support with my parents, as they have mine also. Our families holiday together even now. I don't know how I would have felt if I didn't have this.

Laiste · 28/09/2023 09:06

@Beezknees - lol, well this is it isn't? We all have different childhoods within different cultures and within different dynamics in the family, and we all feel differently.

I had no cousins either incidentally. Both my parents were onlies too. Maybe in my case that made things just that little bit too ... isolated? I don't know the word i'm after. Every single one of my relatives were my parents age or elderly. Or elderly and living in Australia!

I can honestly say though, that even though i'd class myself as not content to be an only, i don't resent, or feel bitterness or blame towards my parents. The way i feel about my lack of siblings doesn't define me. In response to a straight 'Do You Wish You Had A Sibling' question (which this thread is) then i say yes. In response to a 'do you resent your parents choices' i'd say no. No bitterness. I just wish they were different.

Without wishing to start the argument back up, i really don't think it's fair to call an only child expressing the way they feel as ''bashing''. I took that badly.

HamBone · 28/09/2023 15:31

One trait they I’ve noticed in myself, my friends who are onlies and my children’s only friends is that we tend to think we’re abit special. 😂. Not in an arrogant way, I think it’s just having more parental attention and no siblings to spar with and tell you that you’re annoying, etc.

I think having siblings or cousins whom you spend a lot of time with knocks those corners off you earlier which is a good thing. My corners are gone now, it just took more life experience.

crystal1983 · 28/09/2023 17:40

Used to ask my mum for a sibling for my birthday but that was more kids being kids rather than being desperate for one. I was/am very independent and good at entertaining myself so it didn’t bother me too much.

now I’m older I would have liked a sibling or two as everything family wise falls on me and would feel nice to be part of a larger family, but I know it’s not straightforward as that!

5128gap · 28/09/2023 17:50

Yes. Throughout my childhood and more so as an adult who's parents are both dead.
But I'd also have liked to be musical, to have grown up by the sea and have a wealthy aunt who'd leave me her fortune. Its something that I feel would have enhanced my life, but my life hasn't been ruined it by its absence.

TheLightProgramme · 28/09/2023 17:52

*MereDintofPandiculation · Yesterday 20:20

No, never wanted a sibling. Have always been able to amuse myself. Think I got more say in family decisions than I would have got had I merely been one of “the children”*

This is a very good reason to have more than one children. Children who "have a say" are a PITA.

This with spots on

Glitterbiscuits · 28/09/2023 18:03

Yes, every single day and more so after I had children and my own parents passed.
My DC have no family outside of our house.
I married an only child too.

Rimmer08 · 28/09/2023 18:33

I am an only child . I never felt lonely growing up . My parents gave me loads of attention , I was and am pretty creative and happy in my own company . I never wanted a sibling growing up . I can’t even remember thinking about it . It seems to be other people who are obsessed with the idea I might be lonely . My daughter is also an only child and openly says she doesn’t want a sibling !

shellyleppard · 28/09/2023 18:41

Single child so yes I was very lonely growing up. Now have two sons (18 and 15) but......they have really struggled to get on with each other. Only past year they have become closer. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

BrawnWild · 28/09/2023 18:41

I have a blood sibling I have virtually no relationship with. Lots of lovely step siblings. I was an only pretty much all of my teen years and it was amazing. As a child my sibling and I fought almost constantly.

So on balance, glad i have siblings as adults.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 28/09/2023 19:31

whatchagonnado · 28/09/2023 07:24

It's really interesting, that one.

My two DCs (15 and 17) bicker and argue a lot - but are good to each other a lot too. I've tried to intervene to keep the peace when they're arguing. I've been told not to, because they like the argument. It's an eye opener to me - that's how they like sorting things out between them. Which is fine. I let them get on with it now.

We went on holiday recently and I asked if they wanted separate rooms - nope, they like being in with each other. Confused

Show quote history

That made me laugh. Mine would be exactly the same. One minute it's "banter", and the next minute it's mortal wounding. But they still can't stay away from one another. There have been some memorable flounces in our house (Child 1 declaring they are leaving home FOREVER because they are not spending a single second more with Child 2, etc).

I am sure there are lots of good things about being an only child or having an only child. However, I think all of mine would have been insufferable if they hadn't had one another to tell them "you're a dick" on a regular basis. Siblings can do this in a way that parents can't. Parents of more than one child also tend to be more able to see their children's faults because they witness their children being foul to one another - whereas parents of only children often find it hard to believe that their children are imperfect because they don't have the evidence to the contrary regularly presented to them.

I personally liked growing up with noise and chaos and built-in people to play cricket with, and my DC have been the same. I have loved having more than one child for the 'noise and chaos' aspect, but maybe if I'd only ever known peace and quiet, I'd have felt happy with one child.

Fancyfencepost · 28/09/2023 19:39

For those of those saying that it helps when your parents are older….

I have elderly parents, one is currently in hospital and this is the first time this week that I’ve been home before 9pm. I don’t begrudge my parents at all, I want to do my best for them.

I’m not an only child but I’m only getting a rest as one of the grandchildren is being great and helping tonight.

Caring for elderly parents is not always easier if you have siblings.

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