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Original poster

If you're an only child, did you ever wish you had a sibling?

164 replies

redmalt · 27/09/2023 20:14

I've always thought I was one and done but here I am having a second! I never envisioned my son having a sibling.

I've always wondered though, do those who are an only child ever wish they had a sibling? There is me and my older brother and I couldn't imagine being an only child.

Interested to hear opinions Smile

OP posts:
BeenThereDoneThat101 · 27/09/2023 21:15

Laiste · 27/09/2023 21:10

It's still not ''bashing'' anyone to ask for lived experiences, or to give them.

It is by stealth.

Anyone who starts one of these threads knows that it’s not just going to be people giving their experiences. They know that there will be posters coming on to these threads proclaiming how selfish it is not to have more than one child.

FWIW I have a friend who wanted a sibling growing up. Finally her parents had one when she was 8. They pretty much grew up hating one another and are now NC. And looking back she says she wishes she’d stayed an only child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2023 21:15

Laiste · 27/09/2023 21:10

It's still not ''bashing'' anyone to ask for lived experiences, or to give them.

Your PA comment about guilt was meant as bashing though. At least own it.

I have no guilt. DD is happier than I was.

Beezknees · 27/09/2023 21:16

No, I'm an only and never wished for a sibling.

Hullabalooza · 27/09/2023 21:19

Only child and only grandchild one one side here. On the other side, my mum is one of 4 so there are lots of cousins but all quite distant.

Until I was about 30, I never regretted being an only child. I had a picture perfect upbringing, still very close to my parents.

However, I can’t imagine how lovely it must be to have nieces and nephews, cousins for my children to play with. There are none on my DH’s side either, for various reasons. When my friends go out with siblings and children, I do think how lovely that would be.

The biggest sticking point for me is thought of parent care as they become elderly, alone bearing the emotional burden is a bit scary. I love my parents and will do anything for them but no one to share it with is a daunting prospect. I have my Dh but it’s not the same.

it’s a mixed bag and there are no guarantees with this thing, but I was adamant on having two children, and I’m glad I did.

Ambroserock · 27/09/2023 21:19

Yes, I was quite lonely as a child and can remember begging my mum for a little brother or sister. My best friend at school was one of three and I was so envious of their relationships.
DH is also an only, we have gone on to have three as both felt the need for a bigger family.

Beezknees · 27/09/2023 21:20

Laiste · 27/09/2023 21:03

Why is it ''bashing'' anyone to speak honestly of your life and your feelings?

If anyone's got guilt about being the parent of an only child then don't lay it on the child or deny their honest experience of it.

If anyone should feel guilty it's only children who are bitter at their parents for not having more children that they obviously didn't want.

givemeasunnyday · 27/09/2023 21:21

Pixiedust49 · 27/09/2023 20:56

I’m one of 6 and when my mum was in a nursing home I was still on my own 😞

Show quote history

This. I don't know why everyone thinks having siblings makes the care of elderly parents a breeze. Most of my friends ended up dealing with it mostly by themselves due to being the only family member living nearby. It's also not uncommon to have family members disagreeing on aspects of care, which I think would be much harder.

I'm an only, with no partner and no children, and just got on with it - it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/09/2023 21:24

As an "only" looking after an elderly father, I'm very glad not to have a sibling. I've read too many reports of sibling disagreements over care, resentment over unequal shares of the work, and so on.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 27/09/2023 21:26

Yes, so much.

I relate a lot to this article: https://theweek.com/articles/684148/im-only-child-ill-always-wish-wasnt-

and this one (sorry for DM link):

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2236525/amp/Even-40-I-STILL-hate-child.html

One thing I will say, though, is that I think growing up as an only children in the 80s and 90s was a very different experience to now. I was always the only only child in my class of 30. Now, my son’s in a class with loads of them.

I'm an only child. I'll always wish I wasn't.

Growing up with siblings teaches children lessons that I never got to learn

https://theweek.com/articles/684148/im-only-child-ill-always-wish-wasnt-

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/09/2023 21:28

offyoufuckcuntychops · 27/09/2023 20:30

This is a very good reason to have more than one children. Children who "have a say" are a PITA.

Show quote history

That's ridiculous. If you're going to spoil a child, it's just as easy to spoil two while you're at it.

ActuallyYes · 27/09/2023 21:29

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 27/09/2023 20:29

My ex husband was an idiot, but the one sensible thing he did was agree to have more than one child with me.

And left you a single parent?

Really sensible of him.

ToniTTtopaz · 27/09/2023 21:29

I liked being an only child.

But I also wished I had a sibling when I was younger to play with. I spent a lot of time playing on my own.

I do sometimes now wish as an adult I had a sister. I know not all siblings are close but I have a few friends who have sisters who they are really close with.

Luckily I have two lovely sister in laws and we always refer to ourselves as 'sisters'

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/09/2023 21:31

Growing up with siblings teaches children lessons that I never got to learn I think that's true, there are things that you have to make an effort to learn as an adult. But there are things, like not being dependent on others for your enjoyment, that it's easier to learn as an only.

ZickZack · 27/09/2023 21:33

I hated being an only. I used to dream of a sibling. Likely contributed to my decision to have a second(wasn't the only reason though ... I wanted a second because we just wanted another child). I have two boys and it's lovely seeing their relationship develop.

NotDonna · 27/09/2023 21:38

I HATED being an only child growing up. Every Christmas I’d ask Santa for a sibling. You’re always the 3rd wheel to your parents. It was very lonely. I’ve got used to it but I do envy friends who have siblings - or at least those with pleasant siblings.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 27/09/2023 21:39

If anyone should feel guilty it's only children who are bitter at their parents for not having more children that they obviously didn't want.

I don’t think many people have said they’re bitter at their parents about being only children, have they? Just that they didn’t like being only children or have wished on occasion that they had a sibling.

Not liking something/wishing things had been different doesn’t mean you’re bitter towards other people about it.

Also it’s worth pointing out that lots of people have only children not through choice. Medical reasons for my parents. I don’t blame them at all. But that doesn’t mean I’m required to like it.

pontipinemum · 27/09/2023 21:41

I have a fairly unique perspective on this, I was raised from a few weeks to 12 years by my grandparents they had a lot of kids and I slotted right in, my aunt is only 2 years older than me so I had 'siblings'

I then went to live with my mum ages 12. I missed the Hubble, comradery, support, care and love I had from my 'siblings'. I would have loved to have a 'real' sibling. To share my experiences with.

Funny someone said about big age gaps and not being close. DH is 12 yrs younger than his sister and they are very close

DustyLee123 · 27/09/2023 21:42

No

ChestnutShell3 · 27/09/2023 21:43

DH says he’s always wished he had a sibling. Me and DB get on brilliantly, always have, and I think he sees in us what he has missed out on. No guarantees of course, not all siblings are friends, but when we got married he was very keen for us to have 2 children (as was I). He gets on well with my brother and does feel a lovely brotherly bond with him though, which is lovely.

DM is also an only child and wanted a sibling. She has a best friend who is an only child too and they are each other’s chosen sister.

Msblueskies · 27/09/2023 21:47

I feel like I was practically an only when growing up. I have one half-brother (from my mum) who was 9 when I was born. He had moved out by the time I was 10 (and I barely remember him being around in the years before that, was a typical teenager bush and always out the house)

I found it very lonely growing up, and definitely relate to a PP saying you always feel like a third wheel to your parents. One saving grace was that my parents were both from big-ish families and I had lots of cousins nearby, including at my school. We would often all holiday together and I got to experience big family Christmases. I hated the holidays where it was just me and my parents.

I feel like I’ve reconnected with my brother in adulthood as we both have similar age kids and I adore my nephews and nieces. But I’ll always feel a bit sad that I didn’t have the whole proper growing up with a sibling experience.

Oxonc3 · 27/09/2023 21:48

yes. I saw the arguments and problems but still
would have liked a sibling. There seems an unspoken bond that just does not seem the same as with even the closest friends. But wasn’t miserable. Definitely did not want to have an only myself and feel lucky was able to have a bigger family than my mum

kitchenSink5 · 27/09/2023 21:53

Yes I would have loved a sibling. Now I've lost both parents, i would love one even more. But saying that - I know it would have changed my relationship with my parents and I wouldn't have wanted that. Also very aware that I have a rose-tinted view of siblings which isn't always a reality.

I only have one DC after a long time trying. I know I'm sooo lucky to have him but still feel guilty I haven't been able to give him a sibling.

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 27/09/2023 21:55

I'm the eldest of four and we're quite spread out age wise. We weren't especially close growing up because we were sort of pitted against each other. Lots of 'you're like this' and 'he's like that.' I thought we'd get closer as we all grew up but actually the collaboratesd to try and ruin my life in an extraordinarily nasty way.

My DH has two siblings we are a lot and they're nice and normal and great.

OspreyLambo · 27/09/2023 21:55

Only child, nope no siblings. Had cousins and while they were nice always happy to return to my own peaceful home!
A 'sibling' IMO is a bit like marriage many people have an idealised view but life doesn't work like that.
All the 'lonely onlies' here think about how nice it would be to have a siblings, a close relationship etc. Not about the possibility of a sibling who hated them, was difficult/had high needs etc.

I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult looking back it probably escaped notice for so long thanks to being an only child. I don't think I'd have coped with another sibling, especially if they had higher needs than mine.

blushroses6 · 27/09/2023 21:55

I’m an only child of a single parent, when I was younger I wasn’t bothered about having a sibling at all. It’s only as i’ve got older, I realise that once my mum is gone i’ll be really alone and there will be no one to say “remember when…” to. I have no cousins or wider family really either. While I know there’s no guarantees you’ll get along, my partner has a lovely relationship with his sisters. I have a baby now and if I can, I will definitely be giving her siblings. The fact she already has cousins and a wider family on her dads side provides some comfort.

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