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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
asosStalker · 28/09/2023 07:25

A few mornings or a couple of full days I would, if financially viable. For sleep, to go to the gym/pool/cycling etc., to catch up on housework… for loads of reasons actually. Not being glued to my kids 24/7 makes me a better mum.

jeaux90 · 28/09/2023 07:32

I don't think it's any of your business OP. She might have PND, might be studying etc and you say no judgement but clearly you are.

FriendofDorothy · 28/09/2023 07:39

Yeah you are being judgey.
Totally none of your business.
Maybe she wants time to clean the house, do chores.
Maybe she wants to sit in her pants and drink tea alone.

Sjh15 · 28/09/2023 07:40

My DS is nearly 2. He is not in nursery. DP
works full time, I work part time mainly evenings I have a very lucky job (a training role) where I have a high hourly rate And work 7 evenings a month and teach a course a few times a year. I know my situation is extremely rare and I’m very lucky, but no, we don’t put him in nursery. We can’t afford to pay for nursery for the sake of it. I do appreciate however that my Ds is a dream and some people need a break especially if they don’t work.

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 28/09/2023 07:43

'NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.'

With all due respect @Comeonautumn, you don't need to understand someone else's life circumstances.

Beachywave · 28/09/2023 07:53

My friend carried on sending her 2/3 year old to nursery full time at great expense when she was on maternity leave. Madness to me but they can afford it.

GlitteryGreen · 28/09/2023 07:56

No, my 1 year old is starting nursery on Monday (because of my return to work) and I'm gutted. Wish I could stay home with her a few days a week.

IvyIvyIvy · 28/09/2023 08:56

You have a lot of SAHM who stick their kids in front of a telly for an hour or more a day so they can have a break. 7-14 hours a week is the equivalent of a couple of days of nursery. I'd say two days at nursery would be far more beneficial, with proper interaction with other adults and peers.

toddlermom99 · 28/09/2023 08:59

Not every day but I'd happily have a couple days a week break

miniaturepixieonacid · 28/09/2023 08:59

Hufflepods · 27/09/2023 12:22

@miniaturepixieonacid No. What would be the point in paying s fortune for childcare you can give yourself?

By that logic what would be the point in paying for anything that you can do yourself? And yet plenty of people use cleaners, gardeners, tradesmen, have meals out etc.

Yes, true. But the cost of a cleaner or gardner is tiny compared with full time nursery fees. And I don't have the skills or the time to do what a tradesman does. If I did, I would. I do balk at the cost of restaurant food but it doubles as social time. I wouldn't pay solely to have someone else cook my food. Nursery takes most of an average salary to pay for. If I didn't need to pay for it, I absolutely wouldn't.

I have no opinion on what's best for the children or parents - there's good points both ways and I suspect it's swings and roundabouts. My emphatic 'no' to nursery with a SAHP is purely based on money.

IvyIvyIvy · 28/09/2023 09:03

Beachywave · 28/09/2023 07:53

My friend carried on sending her 2/3 year old to nursery full time at great expense when she was on maternity leave. Madness to me but they can afford it.

This is common. Many reasons to do this- free hours kicking in, beneficial for first child to get interaction with peers, more time to focus on second child, holding a nursery place to return to, consistency in routines for eldest, not having to resettle eldest again after a year.

SallyWD · 28/09/2023 09:10

I did for only two mornings a week - it was just so I could get chores done really.

Hufflepods · 28/09/2023 09:15

@Beachywave My friend carried on sending her 2/3 year old to nursery full time at great expense when she was on maternity leave. Madness to me but they can afford it.

Why is it madness?
I'm doing this with my 2 year old. Full time fees for a private day nursery.

Why would I risk losing her place, messing up her routine, keep her stuck with me 24/7 while I'm also attending to a baby and therefore her play is much more limited, plus force her to adapt to not being in nursery only to resettle her again towards the end of maternity leave?

To me it is madness to do that and put costs above providing consistency for your young child. Pulling kids in and out of different settings is unnecessarily disruptive.

Mew2 · 28/09/2023 09:27

We did from 14 months- she has done 3 x 5hr sessions Mon, weds, Fri since then... hubby is the stay at home dad- has epilepsy and fits became weekly when he was at home full time with her whilst i work fulltime in the nhs.. she loves it.... and my little one was crawling at 3. 5 months, and walking by 8 months so it wasn't easy at that age either... to be fair if we have another one I will pop them in nursery from about 10 months for 15hrs a week... his fits since her being at nursery have become one a year- so very much more manageable for everyone!! She is now 3 and still does 15hrs a week

ColleenDonaghy · 28/09/2023 09:32

Beachywave · 28/09/2023 07:53

My friend carried on sending her 2/3 year old to nursery full time at great expense when she was on maternity leave. Madness to me but they can afford it.

Loads of people do this. You have to pay to keep the spot, and if the DC like nursery you may as well keep them in their routine and entertained and settled. Then you get nice one on one time with the baby. Worked really well for us (especially because it was covid so I wouldn't have been able to do anything with them!).

Sunandsea26 · 28/09/2023 09:38

These things are very individual. We don’t need any mums judging other mums. You don’t know what people’s financial situations are, their mental health, what they have to juggle. What’s right for someone is different for someone else. Just let people do what they need to do

Sunandsea26 · 28/09/2023 09:39

ColleenDonaghy · 28/09/2023 09:32

Loads of people do this. You have to pay to keep the spot, and if the DC like nursery you may as well keep them in their routine and entertained and settled. Then you get nice one on one time with the baby. Worked really well for us (especially because it was covid so I wouldn't have been able to do anything with them!).

Show quote history

Agree! I wanted quality time with my baby! Eldest was in 2 days a week as that’s what I could afford and she loved it.

Libra24 · 28/09/2023 10:00

This is how we hold each other back as women.
These posts make me sick.

None of your business. You are being judgey, there's no other way around it.

Thinking because a parent isn't employed they should spend their time with their child is madness. None of us would choose to do all the house work, shopping, life admin, staying fit, mindful etc etc with one eye on a child and feel strung out if we have the choice.
So if your friend is choosing to use childcare and live their life focused on other things when they aren't around who are you to judge.
Imagine making a post to get strangers to judge another mum.

Shame on you.
We seem to want others to agree with us to validate our struggle and it drives me mad.

Mummma9420 · 28/09/2023 10:30

Absolutely not, my son (3.5) now attends preschool attached to the local primary and I hate that he’s now gone for half the day every day :( I see the pluses of course! It’s great for his development and helps get him used to the atmosphere and structure of school but unless you have to for work reasons, I wouldn’t. I don’t judge those who do, we all have different capacities but I personally wouldn’t

Mariposista · 28/09/2023 10:42

I would never not work. I'd rather set my kids an example that if we want things in life we have to work for them.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/09/2023 10:45

Blackcoffee1 · 27/09/2023 12:20

Yes; from 18 months. I think nursery is hugely beneficial. Only a few days a week.

Not everyone will have the same opinion as you.

So....no, then? As the question is daily from 1 year old?

@Comeonautumn Mine were in nursery from 8 months but that was because we both worked. I think I might have considered half days for a couple of days a week if we could have afforded it. Not full time though,

Abbie22222 · 28/09/2023 10:47

'NOT being judgey' 😂

My second child was a difficult baby, and I had PND for months afterwards. He didn't sleep, wouldn't be put down for more than 5 minutes, and quite frankly pushed me almost to breaking point. He was supposed to start nursery at 9 months old when I went back to work, but I started sending him a couple of days a week from 5 months. It saved me.

Before being in that situation, would I have judged someone who sent their child to nursery at 5 months when they weren't back at work yet? Most probably. Would I have started a post asking strangers on the Internet to join in with that judging? Nope.

Until you've been in a situation, you can't possibly know why that mum needs/wants that time to herself. It's great that you didn't need it, but you're not every person. You don't need to understand why someone else is doing something different to you, and you don't need to start a post asking everyone else to judge a strangers decisions.

KvotheTheBloodless · 28/09/2023 10:57

Full time? No. Part time? Depends on other factors, such as sleep deprivation, mental health, other things requiring my involvement.

I think everyone needs a break, so I'd not be judging another parent who is presumably just trying to parent and live as best she can like most of us do.

Tryingmybestadhd · 28/09/2023 11:35

No , there is nil benefits to putting a baby in school unless there are other issues as home as disabled parents or the child needs extra care

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 11:41

The vast majority, if not all the people defending this are from people saying they sent their DC to nursery part time when they weren’t working.

OP made it very clear it’s the full time aspect she took issue with.

Which makes the majority of the replies irrelevant as they don’t really explore the main point, but project to something else.

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