Page 11 | Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 28/09/2023 14:01

Haven’t RTFT. Absolutely not if it was a daycare type nursery and it was every day. Being a parent is hard, hard work, and I totally get parents need a break. But if you don’t work, having a ‘break’ from your baby (because that’s what one year olds are) 5 full days a week is IMO not on. The only caveat would be maybe if there was a health issue (of any kind) with the mum. If there was a way to get a break a few hours a week then great, but no, absolutely not in daycare full time.

DietCokeNaPizzaPlease · 28/09/2023 14:06

Are you saying they don't need to work, financially, or that they are not going to work?

Big difference.

We could just about manage on one income, but I plan to go back to work after a year to keep my foot in the door in a career I find rewarding.

cloudydays2 · 28/09/2023 14:09

My daughter got a place at a council nursery at 6 months old and had done 3 hours a week in nursery until I went back to work and she was in full time. Those three hours gave me time to breathe and recover from PND. If I didnt need to work and could afford it, I would certainly send her in still ! I wouldn't do full days or 5 days a week but she has came on exceptionally well since starting. I always say your baby your decision, as long as baby is happy and well looked after.

Thinkbiglittleone · 28/09/2023 14:16

No, I absolutely wouldn't (and didn't) but I also appreciate everyone is different and there is no wrong or right way to do it.

People need to do what's best for them in their situation. This blanket judgement of other peoples choices is so ridiculous. To believe people can pass a valid judgement on this is ridiculous.

The sooner women stop pulling other women down for their choices on this, the better.

Puggsy · 28/09/2023 14:28

Questioning another Mum's decision for their family is always judgey even if it isn't intended.
I did not enjoy the baby phase at all and had a very poor sleeper day and night so the option of childcare to rest after being up all night would have been a god send. We had no help whatsover and the mum friends I was looking forward to hanging out and having play dates with didnt materialise and the few we did see infrequently went back to work at 1year.
Not everyone loves motherhood and you don't really find out until your knee deep into it.
Mine went at 2yrs for 2 mornings, would have been more and sooner if we had the funds and no covid at the time as she really needed to learn to be around other people other than just me all day and to support her speech. The expertise there was invaluable in knowing mine needed to be referred to other services as when it's your first you dont really know whats normal. Im actually am dreading school now as I really love being a mum now and the cuddles are still plentiful.
It's not all rainbows and sunshine for every mum in the baby phase especially those without any help and a more challenging baby.

Why not see if she wants a coffee and ask your friend how she is. I'm sure she would appreciate it, I certainly would have.

strawberry2017 · 28/09/2023 14:31

Not full time no. Maybe a little bit so they could socialise and learn to be away from me.

Oliotya · 28/09/2023 14:34

Mrsgreen100 · 28/09/2023 13:47

No
unless you are financially screwed without working,
its beyond me that people have children, and farm them out to childcare as if it’s normal.
it’s bonkers , small children are meant to be with their mothers . Humans are not born independent of their mother .
what is wrong with the western world

That's a nonsense thing to say because neither should women be expected to do everything as they are in "western society". Don't judge other women for their choices.

Rachel0405 · 28/09/2023 14:37

You are lucky that you had a lovely cuddly one year old but not everyone is so lucky. People who have an easy ride with their babies don’t seem to understand how hard others may have it so yes this does come across as very judgemental

PeppermintMandy · 28/09/2023 14:43

My DS has been in nursery 3 half days a week from 18 months. I don’t work.

I don’t know how old your kids are now but it is absolutely not all “lovely and cuddly” all the time and I think you are looking back with rose tinted glasses.

My DS is thriving in nursery. He’s having an experience I cannot give him. His world is so much bigger and more exciting now. When I am with him (which is still 5.5 days a week btw) I am more patient, I’ve had time to plan more exciting activities for us to do, I’m healthier, happier, I’m making him lovely home cooked meals that I couldn’t do while he was home with me.

I see it this way…some people plonk their kid in front of a screen for an hour so they can get a decent meal ready for their kid. My son has zero screen time. Instead I meal prep while he’s at nursery. No matter how you parent you absolutely have to pass the buck at times in order to get stuff done. For some that’s nursery. Others it’s screen time. Others it’s having family look after their kids. No option is right. We’re all just doing our best to survive the toddler years.

Cartrouble1 · 28/09/2023 14:43

My wife is a SAHM. We've tried to take our almost 3 year old to pre-school for 3 hours a day. He's been in a couple of times but now he's not having any of it.

We forced our first DC to go in at the same age and we said we'd never do it again. It's completely different if you have to put them in if you have work, or if they are a bit older and need to get a bit of time away from parents under their belt before school.

We wouldn't have dreamed to put either of ours into childcare at 1 or 2 when M is at home all the time but that was our decision and everyone else has different children and different circumstances.

Pebblesontheside · 28/09/2023 14:49

I mean, good for you if you find a 1 year old stimulating company all day every day - but some of us didn’t!

Rosieroo20 · 28/09/2023 14:58

Like yourself not being judgey but I don't understand either.a couple of mornings or afternoons as we did with our little one as we had no help or breaks at all but full time?if you have to work it's maybe a bit different but if your at home what is the point.
Why would you have kids.
Nursery's are good for helping children socialise and they teach them a lot but they are variable in how good they are.parenting is hard for a lot of us but even if I had the money I would not send a child of that age there every day.
Does she have no help from family if she is struggling?
Sorry to be blunt but it sounds selfish to me.
All mums have days where you could sit and cry and its all too much.

Original poster

Comeonautumn · 28/09/2023 15:07

@SpideyWoman1 Thank you 😊
Many things missed on this thread. I was talking full time, 8/9 until 4/5 daily. I did say I understood it was really hard @Rachel0405 Nope, I didn’t have an easy Dc, a very v active child, now diagnosed with adhd, some days were pure hell. I also didn’t have any help, all
family live 3 hours away.

OP posts:

Hufflepods · 28/09/2023 15:19

@Comeonautumn Many things missed on this thread. I was talking full time, 8/9 until 4/5 daily. I did say I understood it was really hard @Rachel0405 Nope, I didn’t have an easy Dc, a very v active child, now diagnosed with adhd, some days were pure hell. I also didn’t have any help, all
family live 3 hours away.

All entirely irrelevant to what your friend of a friend apparently chooses to do.

SENDintheClowns101 · 28/09/2023 15:20

No, I couldn’t have afforded to if I wasn’t working! Maybe 1/2 mornings a week from 18/24months just to get them used to being with other people

LT1982 · 28/09/2023 15:25

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

Why do you need to understand someone else's reasons? If she's your friend and you want to know so badly why not ask her rather than post online about it?

Rosieroo20 · 28/09/2023 15:48

She's asking a question.jeez why bother to reply if you aren't going to contribute.
At the end of the day it's just opinions and different points of view.
No need for being arsey.

oksothisisusnow · 28/09/2023 15:56

No, but then I do often think, if I could do food shopping, cleaning and go to my appts without my son, life might be nicer all around.
Can't help but admit I get stressed I can't clean as much as I would like, he barely naps.

I have heard worse. One mum I met told me she puts her child into their high chair, snack, drink, tablet and leaves her for a few hours.

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 16:02

oksothisisusnow · 28/09/2023 15:56

No, but then I do often think, if I could do food shopping, cleaning and go to my appts without my son, life might be nicer all around.
Can't help but admit I get stressed I can't clean as much as I would like, he barely naps.

I have heard worse. One mum I met told me she puts her child into their high chair, snack, drink, tablet and leaves her for a few hours.

Hours? Does the child not just climb out?

MrsB74 · 28/09/2023 16:14

I think similarly to you and just wouldn’t have and I had twins, no family nearby and a husband that worked very long hours. Having said that I loved being at home with them (most of the time) and had good mental and physical health. I can honestly say I never found it boring, but know many who did/do. You never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives.

Cornflakes44 · 28/09/2023 16:16

I feel like this thread is now a lot of SAHMs bragging about how they're better parents than people who put their kids in childcare.

Rachel0405 · 28/09/2023 16:20

Sorry I didn’t mean you had it easy as all kids are hard in their own right. But you clearly found your one year old easier than some given you described life with them as “cuddly and lovely”, not everyone is that lucky. 8-5 every day in nursery is fine for a one year old if it means mum can cope with whatever else they have on - I’d say it is likely she has a lot more on her plate than you know about.

AuntMarch · 28/09/2023 16:25

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:18

I understand a few mornings a week from 3 maybe but at 1 if you don’t have to?
I’d have missed my son 😩I don’t know if I could have sat at home wondering what he was up to

OP, still "not judging"??

Zanatdy · 28/09/2023 16:27

No I personally wouldn’t have

AuntMarch · 28/09/2023 16:35

I kept my child with the childminder 2x a week despite quitting my job 3 months or so after going back. It meant I could do washing, cleaning shopping etc while I knew he was having fun elsewhere, and then enjoy my time with him the rest of the week as I wasn't trying to do it all at once/staying up late to fit it in.