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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
GreyhoundGurl · 28/09/2023 11:48

Umm, so you are being judgey??! Extremely so. I went back to work when my son was 1 so wasn't in this position - but work was, and is, a 'break'. My son didn't start sleeping more than 2 hours at a time until he was 2. I was fighting with GPs to get medical issues diagnosed. I was exhausted and really at the end of my tether. This woman is likely doing what she can (taking a well deserved break a couple of days a week) so she can be a present and focused mummy the rest of the time. I note she didn't tell you this herself - I wonder why, when you're "friends"....?

Mumma212 · 28/09/2023 11:56

No I absolutely wouldn’t but if other women want to that’s up to them.
The science proves that it is best for babies to be cared for by the primary caregiver for as much time and for as long as possible.
Everyone has different priorities thought.
I m curious why you’re asking?

Atticustheaardvark · 28/09/2023 12:07

I'm a 60's child and 'back in the day' very few Mums worked until the children started school, me included.

I think I did struggle at bit more in the first few weeks at school, compared to those who had been to nursery (or playgroup as it was called then!). However, my memories of spending my early years doing all sorts of lovely stuff with Mum are still vivid and so precious to me even now.

Did I miss out on a touch of early learning and socialising with other kids? Yes, probably. Did it go on to affect me as an adult? No way. I love that I am equally as happy with my friends as I am being at home with my own company. Interestingly, I have a friend my age who did spend her early years in playgroup as her Mum was a full time GP - she absolutely hates being on her own and is much happier when surrounded by a group of people. I do wonder if there might be a connection?

Cakeandcardio · 28/09/2023 12:10

I had to go back to work when mine was 1. I was so sad to leave him. But now he's older, I realise he did probably benefit from being with other kids. So it wasn't such a big change when he was, say, 3 etc but it was also only part time.

mindutopia · 28/09/2023 12:15

If I could afford it, yes, if I was otherwise home every day with them and not working. You need time for yourself and even going back to work and putting dc in nursery made a massive difference to my mental health and sense of self. I love my kids, but we don't need to spend every waking moment together. I have friends who stayed home with their dc until school age, despite the significant financial impact that not working had. And I have friends who never transitioned back to work and have kept their dc home to home educate. Not my cup of tea, but it seems to work for them - though one is a bit self righteous about it (even though it was only facilitated by a trust fund and the inheritance of the family country pile which has meant they don't need to work like the rest of us).

Graciebobcat · 28/09/2023 12:32

No I wouldn't. And I picked a lovely childminder when DDs were that age, I didn't like the look of local nurseries at all for babies.

MrsZargon · 28/09/2023 12:45

Absolutely not!!!!!! Most people have to work, therefore nursery is necessary. If you do not need to work but would still choose to put a child in nursery every day why on Earth would you have a child in the first place!! If there are mitigating factors like your health or commitments to other children or disabled or elderly family that is fine, but if you are spending your day doing hobbies/relaxing/pottering about whilst someone else is looking after your child then I would question whether you should be a parent at all as that is not going to make for a good parent-child relationship. Kids need to know that they are special so how are they going to feel if they are sent off to nursery so you can get your nails done or whatever!! Most parents would love to spend more time with their kids, or ones like me that are lucky enough to have the option to SAH realise how precious the time is (even if it is relentless and exhausting at times and I am much poorer money wise for it).
Also to add I’m talking about 1yr olds as per your post, I think it is a completely normal step at age 2/3 to start a part time preschool in preparation for going to school and at that point it’s fine to send them if you are at home.

Cookiecrumblepie · 28/09/2023 12:55

No. I would cherish the time with my child. Would be a privilege to have the option.

ClemFandango1 · 28/09/2023 12:58

Yes. The childminder gives her activities I can't provide, the company of other kids, and decent food.
Not all of us enjoy the baby years, or we find them hugely anxiety provoking.

ZickZack · 28/09/2023 12:58

No, I couldn't put my 1 year old in 5 days a week if I were at home. A few mornings I could understand...us mums need breaks too and some 1 year olds are harder than others.

I was with ds1 at home full time until he turned 2yrs 3 months. Then he started nursery 2 mornings a week. He's 3 now and just started going 3 mornings a week.
My youngest is 8 months and he'll likely start next September at 20 months for 2 mornings a week. We have no family and it's the only break I get during the days when DH is working.

Fiddlesticks25 · 28/09/2023 13:02

Yes definitely, a few mornings a week at least. Mine slept terribly at night and would only nap on me. Also I'm an introvert and value alone time. I needed a break. (As it was I got to go back to work for my "break")

Simplehi · 28/09/2023 13:07

Personally I work full time so my kids have been in childcare from 8 months, but if I was a SAHM I wouldn't be putting my 1 year old into nursery, I'd be taking them to play groups etc myself. From 2 I'd probably do 1 or 2 sessions a week but definitely not full time when I didn't have to.

Oliotya · 28/09/2023 13:12

Why is it different if the parent is at work though? If nursery is fine for working parents, why does it matter if mum is watching TV or at the gym all day? The baby's experience is the same regardless of how their parents are spending the day

RoseMartha · 28/09/2023 13:13

Not at one no.

literalviolence · 28/09/2023 13:15

OP do you have any, and I mean absolutely any, family support at all? Do you leave your child with your parents or in-laws ever? If so, then you are being a bit disingenuous to say you'd not leave your child. For some, I think the complete lack of family support means it's necessary for their wellbeing/ getting hair cut/ doing any exercise.

Ffion21 · 28/09/2023 13:16

OP you say ‘no judgement’ but you’re not just judging her you’ve come on so you can collectively have a huge group judging her.

If a friend and you’re invested with no judgement then ask her the reasons as everyone’s situation is different. Maybe she’s struggling and actually chatting to someone would help. Struggling is also OK and would not make her a bad parent.

If of course you are stunned why she’d have a child and she’s fobbing said child off, and you want everyone else to also be shocked, that’s judging her. It’s also unkind.

You aren’t asking for advice and you’re also supposedly not judging and strangely can’t ask your friend, so what’s the purpose for this post?

I sure hope my ‘friends’ don’t take to MN asking everyone’s opinions on my parenting choices behind my back.

Fifireee · 28/09/2023 13:17

No.

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 13:29

Oliotya · 28/09/2023 13:12

Why is it different if the parent is at work though? If nursery is fine for working parents, why does it matter if mum is watching TV or at the gym all day? The baby's experience is the same regardless of how their parents are spending the day

Yes I do agree it’s not ideal in either scenario.

I guess one is more likely to be a result of choices and the other not. Although I know many families where both parents have chosen to continue to pursue their career, use FT childcare and IMO it’s at the expense of the child.

ColleenDonaghy · 28/09/2023 13:35

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 13:29

Yes I do agree it’s not ideal in either scenario.

I guess one is more likely to be a result of choices and the other not. Although I know many families where both parents have chosen to continue to pursue their career, use FT childcare and IMO it’s at the expense of the child.

Show quote history

God I hate this.

Spend all your teenage years studying, your early 20s studying, get a job and study for professional exams and just as you're starting to see the benefits in your 30s and decide to have a baby then all of a sudden it's the judgement for working.

OzziePopPop · 28/09/2023 13:42

Yes,I did. He was bored, I was harassed and (becoming) disabled and the socialisation was great for hi , particularly as he’s ended up with an autism diagnosis. He went two days a week and had a fantastic time, absolutely loved everything about it. Try it and see, one or two days is fine? Or three mornings/afternoons?

SpideyWoman1 · 28/09/2023 13:47

ColleenDonaghy · 28/09/2023 13:35

God I hate this.

Spend all your teenage years studying, your early 20s studying, get a job and study for professional exams and just as you're starting to see the benefits in your 30s and decide to have a baby then all of a sudden it's the judgement for working.

Show quote history

Interesting you perceive it that way. I spent 6 years gaining my qualifications, have had kids and still work in the field. But decided not to remain FT.

Some have to, some chose to. Irrespective I don’t think FT nursery is ideal for babies/toddlers. I understand there’s evidence to back that up but don’t propose to elaborate more. I’m allowed an opinion after all and that is mine.

Mrsgreen100 · 28/09/2023 13:47

No
unless you are financially screwed without working,
its beyond me that people have children, and farm them out to childcare as if it’s normal.
it’s bonkers , small children are meant to be with their mothers . Humans are not born independent of their mother .
what is wrong with the western world

Baba197 · 28/09/2023 13:48

I personally couldn’t. I didn’t go back to work until my son started school, I care for my mum as well as being a single mum and financially it was very tough but I had several miscarriages/ivf and wanted to be with my son. Each to their own tho and some people need that time to themselves for whatever reason but it wouldn’t have been right for me

Ricnmorg · 28/09/2023 13:52

I did not but a very close friend did for her two children and my sister in law also did. They needed to to enable them to be well and the best mummies (their own opinion). I found it strange BUT each to their own. They love their kids and looked after their own health so pretty smart and brave...

LookAtThatCritter · 28/09/2023 13:55

My 1 year old absolutely loves nursery - he’s been going from around 9 months. He gets to play with new toys, the other kids and do activities that we wouldn’t do at home.