Page 8 | Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

LuluBlakey1 · 27/09/2023 19:20

I was at home but all our 3 have gone to nursery part-time- initially judt a couple of half days but building up to 3 days and I have started to work part-time. They are now all at school and I'm full-time.

It was important for them and me.

Kisskiss · 27/09/2023 19:36

I put mine in full time from 19m. At first I felt bad but then I realised he was learning loads more than he was at home.
it’s amazing the new things he knew after just one week

CinnamonJellyBeans · 27/09/2023 20:02

It's good for children to socialise with others and have new experiences, so if you can afford it, I say yes.

OP, you are judging your friend and you are possibly over-estimating your own entertainment value to a one year old. You might find her company enthralling, but what if she could do with some new stimuli?

Clariee45 · 27/09/2023 20:08

I don’t you would do this is you had a child that was sleeping through most nights , generally had a 2 hour nap every afternoon and no other commitments or issues to deal with. Also if you have plenty of friendly and accessible opportunities for activities and socialising with your child plus partner/grandparents/family on hand to give you a break and let you go out/to the gym. You wouldn’t see the point of spending all that money.

MissLC · 27/09/2023 20:40

If I hadn't had to go back to work from maternity leave then I 100% wouldn't have put my daughter in nursery. I found the thought really distressing.
However, I did have to go back to work and therefore had to send my daughter to nursery and in hindsight, although it hasn't always been easy and happy, I'm pleased that I did. I'm enjoying adult company during the day, having a bit of spare money and I really value the days that I spend with my daughter. I have one day of during the week which is mother daughter day and then family weekends. I actually think I'm a better mum because I work and have 'me' time at work and nursery has really helped with my daughters development already in ways I wouldn't have thought of.

tenbob · 27/09/2023 20:44

I put DS2 into a Montessori nursery for a couple of mornings a week from when he was 15 months old

He was very sociable and when I took him to playgroups and baby groups, he would always try and play with other children, who were never particularly interested when they had a parent to play with. Some parents would be visibly annoyed with him trying to join in their games..!

So he did 9am-noon at a nursery and made some little friends, which he loved. He stayed at the same nursery as he got older, building up to 5 mornings after 2 years old

They also did all the messy craft shit that I don’t have patience for, and gave me a few hours to sort out the house, do some exercise and have a bit of down time

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 20:51

Definitely definitely not, not if you don't work. There is no benefit to nursery to a one year old, unless they are from a chaotic/deprived family background where there is not enough stimulation at home for them. The one caveat I would add to that is if the parent had some health needs, physical or mental, and giving themselves a break once or twice a week would enable them to be a better parent on the other days. I have to say, if a parent is in full health mentally and physically, I would raise an eyebrow at putting a child into nursery a few days a week just so that the parent can go to the gym, shopping, salon, out for lunch with friends etc. A baby isn't an accessory that you can pick up and put down according to where you want them to fit into your life.

I absolutely WOULD put a child into nursery a few days a week from aged 2.5 years minimum or definitely by aged 3 if I was a parent that wasn't working as then at that age I think it DOES provide some benefit for the child.

Original poster

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 20:54

@CurlyhairedAssassin Yes, I think similar

OP posts:

ColleenDonaghy · 27/09/2023 20:57

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 20:54

@CurlyhairedAssassin Yes, I think similar

And that's great for you, but this is just one of many parenting decisions where views will differ and this family has decided that a different set up will work best for them.

Would you judge parents for sending a baby to nursery because they have to work?
Would you judge parents for sending a baby to nursery and choosing to work?

Either nursery is an acceptable place for a baby to spend time or it isn't. The location of the mother has zero bearing on the baby's enjoyment of nursery or their safety and comfort while there.

LoveBluey · 27/09/2023 20:59

Yes if money were no object I totally would but definitely only part time. It would give me time to myself to do some exercise, hobbies, socialise and keep on top of life admin and housework.
As it is I work full time in a ridiculously stressful job and am forced to put my kids in full time childcare feeling endless guilt and missing them horribly. And to top it all I barely have time for five minutes to shower in peace let alone all the other things I'd like to do for myself.

AlfredaTheGrape · 27/09/2023 21:10

No. I didn't and I wouldn't if I had my time again.

However I don't judge other parents whose needs are different and who choose to do so.

CharAStar · 27/09/2023 21:13

Maybe just for a day...not the week...no way!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 21:32

Lentilweaver · 27/09/2023 14:06

If you have young DC, I do not understand how you have time to look at other people's childrearing and wonder about how they are doing, and if they have "problems." I am deeply uninterested in other people's DC.

It's quite a strong statement to say that you are "deeply uninterested in other people's DC." Does that mean that you don't listen to your friends or family talking about their own children? Or interact with them when they visit or you visit them? Let's hope that the staff who look after your children at nursery and school are not also "deeply uninterested in other people's DC."

NowWhattt · 27/09/2023 21:35

No I would not but that’s me.

I’m not in a position to judge others based on the opinion of someone else.

People do what suits them for whatever reason and that’s no one else’s business .

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 21:45

ColleenDonaghy · 27/09/2023 20:57

And that's great for you, but this is just one of many parenting decisions where views will differ and this family has decided that a different set up will work best for them.

Would you judge parents for sending a baby to nursery because they have to work?
Would you judge parents for sending a baby to nursery and choosing to work?

Either nursery is an acceptable place for a baby to spend time or it isn't. The location of the mother has zero bearing on the baby's enjoyment of nursery or their safety and comfort while there.

Show quote history

I disagree - this absolutely isn't the usual debate about whether nursery is a good or bad thing per se. The post is SPECIFICALLY about whether, if you don't need it for childcare, you would put your child into FT nursery.

If both parents need to work then you have no option but to arrange childcare and often nursery is the only option. What is the alternative? Your mortgage or rent doesn't get paid, or you can't afford repairs to your house? You can't afford to buy your child new clothes or shoes? Can't keep the heating on as much as the child needs? Or take them on a trip out somewhere? Or if you do you have to say no to buying them an ice cream every single time? Can't afford to throw a party for them?

There is also no point, as others h ave mentioned, one parent staying at home if they absolutely hate it and become depressed, even if they can afford it. It should always come down to what's in the child's best interests. And that doesn't always have to mean having a parent FT at home. It's not as cut and dried as that.

I did specifically say that the caveats were physical or mental health issues in the SAHP.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 22:01

Give0fecks · 27/09/2023 14:53

Totally depends on the child. My first was a bloody nightmare, just screamed. I couldn’t do anything, she wouldn’t sit in the pram, nor the car seat, I couldn’t put her down. It was absolutely horrific and I felt like a prisoner in my own life. She went 2 days a week and even at that age adored being with other children. My youngest is now 1 and the easiest baby ever. I just bring him along, I can go to cafes, dog walks, shopping, and he is a joy to be around.

if you haven’t had that type of child there’s no way you would understand, so don’t be so judgey when you have no idea.

That's interesting. My second was like that, a total shock to the system after the (relative) ease of my first. I think I'm still a bit traumatised and he's 17 now 😆. He didn't go to nursery till he was nearly 2 and a half. Before that I honestly think that not many other people would have had the patience to put up with him and I would have worried about other people snapping and harming him in frustration. DH is as patient as they come and loved DS2 dearly but even he punched a hole in the understairs cupboard door in frustration when he was in sole charge of DS2 for a day. He really was very very difficult. 😫"Prisoner in my own life" - yes, that was exactly how it was. Nightmare.

There was a baby like him at the toddler group we used to go to but she was taken there by her childminder. Dear God, I felt for that childminder. She was so experienced but looked worn out by that child. I was as worn out as she was, probably more so but at least for me there was that emotional parental bond and love for DS2 to make it all more "bearable". So it put me off sending DS2 to nursery before I had to when I increased my working hours.

Uggtrending · 28/09/2023 05:08

@Give0fecks I absolutely agree. My aunt had a child who cried... my DS was a dream for me when we were out as long as he was fed he would sleep and he never really cried. I took him to the hairdressers and he slept for hours!

Babies do gain things at 1 they will learn to bond with other babies and be less clingy as they are around different faces. I wouldn't really bat an eye lid if another mum said she sent her baby to nursery most people have to go back to work so I dont think its anything to judge.

Commonhousewitch · 28/09/2023 05:33

My DP was a SAHP for our son and we still used a nursery 3 days a week (from 6 months) - from memory we were going to use it 2 days a week and went up to 3 as 2 days was too unsettling.
If I had been the SAHP i wouldn't have made the same decision - but saying that i was back at work full time so its easy to say

sunnydayhereandnow · 28/09/2023 05:42

If money was no issue, yes I would. I worked and DS was in nursery full time from 8 months, but I wouldn't have deprived him of the experiences if I wasn't working. Nursery gave him so much that I couldn't offer at home - a huge array of toys and large play equipment, safe outdoor play when we lived in a city flat with no garden, building relationships with kids and other adults, learning the local language at a young enough age that he won't have an accent (we speak English at home), hugely varied content (movement classes, songs and crafts for all the holidays, water play outside, puppet shoes, they even did road safety lining up all the toy cars and learning how to cross the "road"), opportunities to build confidence (the bigger kids took on certain roles each week; at the end of the year they learned a very simple dance to do for the parents). Maybe up to 12 months it's easy to offer enough at home, but beyond that it's very hard to match what a nursery can offer, especially with the social opportunities and the consistency of meeting other kids (as opposed to seeing them only once a week at some kind of playgroup or class). It also meant we built relationships with other parents in the neighbourhood and I'm still in touch with some of them.

Plus, it also means that when my kid is at home, I am refreshed as I've had plenty of grownup time, and I get to focus on him, because I don't have to do all the other household tasks at the same time.

TheDogFosterer · 28/09/2023 06:04

No. Nursery wouldn't provide care that is as good for our children as what we could provide. I also don't think children get much from nursery type settings until they're aged 2.5 ish so I'd only use them if it was absolutely necessary at that age.

Baffled1989 · 28/09/2023 06:06

Sure sounds like you’re being judgey

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 28/09/2023 06:09

If The parent needs a break then yes absolutely. If it’s just for the child’s benefit I would wait until about 2.5. This is from someone who worked in nurseries for years.

PerspiringElizabeth · 28/09/2023 06:12

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

1 year old not walking?? That’s unusual, most walk for most of the year they’re aged 1 (ie start to walk around 12-15 months id say??)

Anyway. DC2 went one day a week aged 16 months onwards then 2 days once he was 2-school age. DC3 is hopefully not starting until 2.5 and then 2 or 3 days a week. No I wouldn’t put my 1 year old in full time nursery if I worked but different strokes for different folks.

GP78 · 28/09/2023 06:16

I didn't because I couldn't afford it but both my babies were nightmares so I'd have dropped them off at daycare for a day or two in a heartbeat if I could have 🤷‍♀️

Lentilweaver · 28/09/2023 07:21

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/09/2023 21:32

It's quite a strong statement to say that you are "deeply uninterested in other people's DC." Does that mean that you don't listen to your friends or family talking about their own children? Or interact with them when they visit or you visit them? Let's hope that the staff who look after your children at nursery and school are not also "deeply uninterested in other people's DC."

Show quote history

Let me clarify. I listen to my friends and family talking about their own children, but I am not very interested in judging whether their personal decisions are good or bad, unless they are abusive. My DC are grown adults now. And frankly, what I have realised is that everyone has their own way of parenting, and no way is particularly better than anyone else's ( abuse or neglect aside). I have zero interest in "raising an eyebrow" as you p ut it, at what other people do.

The staff who looked after my children were paid to do it. It's their job. It is not my job to judge other peopel's parenting decisions.