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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 27/09/2023 05:23

I would definitely be pissed off about the car and bath bombs. The recycling is extremely lazy of her and would annoy me. The small get together is okay imo.

BusterGonad · 27/09/2023 05:24

Just a quick question, do you actually pay her? Supply food etc?

ShippingNews · 27/09/2023 05:25

I wouldn't make a fuss about it. I just wouldn't ask her again.

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:27

No I don’t pay her, she just always offers as it’s three weeks of not paying bills in her place and she also enjoys staying in a bigger house with more facilities (bath, bbq, fire pit, pizza oven in garden, gaming stations ect) I always leave her a few bottles of wine but I don’t pay her as she’s actually closer to her work here too

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 27/09/2023 05:27

As we don't pay our friends who stay when we are away, I accept that some stuff will be used. Also, I tell them to use it as their home, so to have get togethers (within reason) is fine.

The only thing I would be unhappy with is using your car to give lessons - out of order and probably not insured.

Berthatydfil · 27/09/2023 05:27

Is she insured on your car?
Is the learner driver insured?

If they werent then she was driving uninsured - isnt that a criminal offense.

The other stuff is CF ery but it appears you know she has form but taking your car to give someone driving lessons is taking it to another level.

DreamTheMoors · 27/09/2023 05:27

I’d say you’ve learned your lesson with this friend.
Ask someone else and write an “off-limits” list.
My friend took my car once without my permission, and locked the doors with the engine running & the keys in the ignition. I mean, how stupid do you have to be to do that?

AussieManque · 27/09/2023 05:27

Definitely say something. Was she even insured to be driving your car??

Next time leave detailed instructions regarding emptying bins etc and your house rules e.g. no having people over, no using my car, and hide things you don't want to be used like bath bombs.

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:30

She’s the person who was having lessons. She doesn’t drive. Apparently she decided to use the car for her partner to take her on some lessons. I’m certainly not insured and because she doesn’t drive I never discussed with her about using the car at all, the car actually needed a service while I was away but obviously I didn’t mention this as I never expected her to be even using the car considering she has no license

OP posts:
Saggypants · 27/09/2023 05:38

Using your car without permission is totally out of order.

I probably wouldn't leave bath bombs and things out on display if I didn't want guests to use them. If she rummaged through your cupboards to find them that's another story.

Shoxfordian · 27/09/2023 05:40

She’s a CF; don’t ask her again and I’d withdraw from that friendship as well - she doesn’t have any respect for you

TerfTalking · 27/09/2023 05:41

good grief, she’s an absolute piss taker. I wouldn’t have her back.ever. The cattery will give your cat medication.

she used your house as an air bnb with fancy toiletries and a free car!

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/09/2023 05:41

The car I think is a MASSIVE pisstake, they MUST have known they would not be insured on your car, and why not give her lessons in HIS car?! - ditto all the bath bombs and the bins.

I think a few friends round given she's there 3 weeks is not unreasonable, thought it also depends on what they were doing - nice dinner and chat and wine, yes yes. Wild orgy/filming an episode of Come Dine With Me/drunken spewing down the backs of radiators, not so much.

I would say something, the fact she's admitted to the car and seemingly didnt notice the bins or think it was an issue to use all your stuff suggests she is clueless!

MamaToABeautifulBoy · 27/09/2023 05:43

She’s a cheeky fucker. Don’t ask her again. The using your car is off the scale cheeky fuckery. I wouldn’t like the get together either.

A friend of mine once asked a mutual friend of ours to look after her cat. She left her £100 and enough food in the fridge for the week. My friend came back to, and I kid you not, her entire chest freezer emptied of food, the litter tray not emptied for a week and the place was an absolute tip. And this mutual friend wonders why I don’t ask her to sit my dogs when I go on holiday 😆

Some people are just utter chancers with v little in the way of self awareness or class.

LT1982 · 27/09/2023 05:50

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

Not unreasonable at all. I regularly house/pet sit for a friend amd would never dream of using their car/toiletries etc. Well maybe shower gel/shampoo if it was in the shower but not a specific bath bomb. I had one friend around for drinks in the garden with permission and discussed in advance.

Your friend is taking advantage

parameciumparty · 27/09/2023 05:53

I'm a pet carer and give medication to the cats I visit. You need to contact some local pet care companies for next time you're away.

PriOn1 · 27/09/2023 06:00

You were doing her quite a big favour, albeit that it was mutually useful as your cat had someone in the house. She has massively taken the piss. Even without the car, the other things would be enough to probably lead me not to allow her back.

So I wouldn’t make a fuss, but definitely wouldn’t ever ask her back and the friendship would probably be less close than before as well.

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/09/2023 06:01

She's taken advantage. The bathbombs (which anyone would know not to use) and even the party (which is fucking rude) you could potentially try and excuse but the car is outrageous. If she'd crashed it? Can you even imagine????

Pay someone for cat care next time.

If I really liked her I'd compartmentalise it and stay friends but would in all likelihood let the friendship drift.

Either way I would NEVER let her stay again.

momonpurpose · 27/09/2023 06:03

That is insane to treat your friends house that way. I'd let her have it then cut her off

RedHelenB · 27/09/2023 06:04

I don't think the OP was doing the favour, her friend still had rent to pay on her own flat and had the responsibility of looking after the cat. However, she should have asked about the car. The rest, given that she wasn't paid, is fine.

MsFrost · 27/09/2023 06:05

I would have been very annoyed about the car. Most people would know that is out of order and probably uninsured, what would have happened if she had an accident? I would definitely talk to her about that.

The bath bombs and recycling would annoy me too, but not as much.

The get together - I guess it depends if it was having a few friends round or a wild party. The former is absolutely fine.

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:05

I don’t want to lose the friendship but I did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car. I still feel that this is not an acceptable way to go about it but I don’t want to lose a friend over hypotheticals.

OP posts:
MsFrost · 27/09/2023 06:06

RedHelenB · 27/09/2023 06:04

I don't think the OP was doing the favour, her friend still had rent to pay on her own flat and had the responsibility of looking after the cat. However, she should have asked about the car. The rest, given that she wasn't paid, is fine.

I don't think it's fine to use someone's birthday present and not take the recycling out for 3 weeks. That's disrespectful even if you are not being paid.

Thequeenofthetypis · 27/09/2023 06:08

She sounds like a slightly idiotic teenager. In fact someone should have been there to supervise her.
I would certainly never ask her again, whether or not you tell her why depends on how much you value the friendship.
Would she have told you about the car if you didn't notice? I'd be a bit concerned about what else she got up to but didn't leave evidence of....

hylian · 27/09/2023 06:08

If you don't want to lose the friendship, just drop it but don't ask her to come again.

The fact that it's not just one thing implies her attitude towards other people's possessions/ houses etc. is a certain way that doesn't match yours.

I think these types of things will keep happening if you keep inviting her to stay.