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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 27/09/2023 06:44

I'd be seriously unhappy about her using my car uninsured. That's a big no no. Hosting a get together at my house?! That's cheeky. I'd explain that I didn't like what she did, and never ask her again. Use a cattery next time.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 27/09/2023 06:45

RedHelenB · 27/09/2023 06:40

Expecting cat sitting for free is disrespectful, OP can't even spare a few bathbombs for a friend who's doing her a massive favour? Cattery would be at least £300 surely?

Show quote history

She wasn't given the bathbombs though, was she? She just took them.

As she sees nothing wrong with what she's done op, dont have her back to cat sit.

I wouldn't be surprised if her and the bf went on day trips, not had driving lessons.

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/09/2023 06:47

The car would be enough for me to end the friendship, the consequences could have been terrible.

The rest wouldn't have bothered me but I would have expected to be asked about having a get together in my house.

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 06:50

LateAF · 27/09/2023 06:22

lots of people I know don’t clean their recycling before they put it in the bin (I.e will put leaking chicken packaging, dripping baked bean tins, yoghurt cartons etc straight in). 3 weeks of doing this would result in some strong smells!

Urgh.None of that gets recycled!

All the food contaminated stuff goes straight to landfill/incinerator

KimberleyClark · 27/09/2023 06:51

I wouldn’t be happy with her using my car, no. Or the recycling. Recycling shouldn’t smell if containers are being properly washed before they go in.

BettyPhuckzer · 27/09/2023 06:55

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 06:50

Urgh.None of that gets recycled!

All the food contaminated stuff goes straight to landfill/incinerator

Show quote history

I thought food contaminated stuff had to be washed out and THEN recycled? Not put into landfill. Am I wrong 😵

BettyPhuckzer · 27/09/2023 06:56

That's great news that you have a free, ready-made cat "sitter", OP

You can use your neighbour in future

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/09/2023 06:57

She isn’t your friend. She took advantage and doesn’t see a problem with what she’s done.

In your shoes, I’d let her drift away - this isn’t a friendship you should kee. Never ask her to help out again. Ever.

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 27/09/2023 06:57

If she had had an accident in your car there would have been significant legal ramifications. You would probably have had to say she stole the car (which she did) otherwise it would have been on your head. That as a learner driver she doesn’t understand that is a really serious incident.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/09/2023 06:59

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:42

I don’t need to pay my friend to look after the cat. I have a neighbour that says she can pop in and feed the cat for free each day and give him his meds but my friends insists on staying as she enjoys having more space and she also says it will be nicer for the cat to have company. I took her up and agreed.

Well she can’t insist again-she’s broken your trust here. I‘d rather have the neighbour popping in.

Take your keys with you in future or leave them in the safe.

did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car.

I can’t imagine a friend of mine having this attitude about the law/my belongings. My friends all have a pretty similar outlook to me otherwise we aren’t friends. I’d be withdrawing from someone like this.

TammyJones · 27/09/2023 06:59

@BettyPhuckzer

That's great news that you have a free, ready-made cat "sitter", OP

You can use your neighbour in future
THIS

Please say you will do this before she crashes your car or worse

DifficultBloodyWoman · 27/09/2023 06:59

She used your car and had a ‘get-together’.

I’d call that a party and she would never house sit for me again!

The recycling and bath bombs might be annoying for some but I’d be willing to overlook them for a friend.

Using my car and having a ‘get together’? No fucking way!

Passepartoute · 27/09/2023 06:59

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:05

I don’t want to lose the friendship but I did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car. I still feel that this is not an acceptable way to go about it but I don’t want to lose a friend over hypotheticals.

Does she not realise that if she had hit someone the cost could have been thousands of pounds?

TriumphantElephant · 27/09/2023 07:00

The car use and nonchalance about insurance is a dealbreaker for me. I can’t believe you are even asking this AIBU.

MuthaHubbard · 27/09/2023 07:01
Space Travel Loop GIF by Xbox

She technically did break the law by taking your vehicle without consent (twoc) and if stopped, would have been charged with that, driving not in accordance with a licence and no insurance

BusyBees1234 · 27/09/2023 07:01

Get a cat sitter to come over 1-2 times a day next time

You've been taken for a ride

Passepartoute · 27/09/2023 07:02

BettyPhuckzer · 27/09/2023 06:55

I thought food contaminated stuff had to be washed out and THEN recycled? Not put into landfill. Am I wrong 😵

Show quote history

No, you aren't.

FlamingoQueen · 27/09/2023 07:02

Driving your car without insurance is unforgivable, in my book. If she’d have been stopped by the police you could have had your car taken away and crushed. Ask the neighbour to look after the cat from now on. She has broken your trust.

angsanana · 27/09/2023 07:02

She's a CF. Just don't ask her again get the neighbour to do it

MuthaHubbard · 27/09/2023 07:02

Apologies no idea where the gif came from!

Passepartoute · 27/09/2023 07:03

RedHelenB · 27/09/2023 06:40

Expecting cat sitting for free is disrespectful, OP can't even spare a few bathbombs for a friend who's doing her a massive favour? Cattery would be at least £300 surely?

Show quote history

She isn't doing OP a favour. OP has a much easier solution via her neighbour.

TriumphantElephant · 27/09/2023 07:05

How old is she? Does she know how much petrol costs? Did you ask her to reimburse you?

OP you sound like a doormat and you won’t say anything more because you don’t want to lose the friendship. She will continue exploiting your kindness/weakness.

Remona · 27/09/2023 07:06

I would be beyond livid about the car. Your “friend” sounds like a moron.

If she just expects to house sit rather than being asked, if it were me I’d have to make it crystal clear right now that she’d broken my trust and it would never happen again. If you don’t, the next time you’re away she’ll just expect to stay and it’ll be awkward all over again. You need to tell her now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2023 07:07

Would your cat really be ok for 3 weeks? That’s a long time not to have humans at home. I have looked after a friend’s cat for a shorter time but stayed 1/2 hour to a hour twice a day for company and cuddles by which time she was relatively human’d out.

CherryMaDeara · 27/09/2023 07:07

I wouldn’t let her stay again.She sounds irresponsible and unreliable.