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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 27/09/2023 07:08

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:42

I don’t need to pay my friend to look after the cat. I have a neighbour that says she can pop in and feed the cat for free each day and give him his meds but my friends insists on staying as she enjoys having more space and she also says it will be nicer for the cat to have company. I took her up and agreed.

Your friend is taking advantage of you. I doubt she gives a shit about the cat having company. She obviously envies you and likes the chance to live it up in your house. Taking your car without your permission and without insurance is utter proof of this, along with her casual reaction. Pinching all your birthday bath bombs might sound trivial in comparison, but it’s more proof of her not caring about you or respecting you.

Don’t ask her again. I’d re-think the friendship too. It doesn’t sound as if she likes you - more what you have.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/09/2023 07:11

She drove your car uninsured - totally illegal, and, for me, she would be an ex friend for doing that.

If she had crashed, was she going to replace your car? I'm guessing not, as it doesn't sound like she's well off enough to do so.

Hiddenvoice · 27/09/2023 07:12

You’re not being unreasonable op, these things would bother me too. I guess it comes down to what you two agreed before you left. If you told her to make herself at home and treat it like her place then she probably didn’t think about helping herself to bathbombs and having people over. As long as she kept the place tidy and nothing was broken then I guess it’s the main thing.

She was wrong to take your car. It is illegal to drive without insurance. If anything happened then the car would have been impounded and she would already have points on a non existent licence and have to pay a hefty fine. Perhaps even go to court. I would raise this with her again and ask for the petrol money as you didn’t not approve her using you car, she was only staying in the house.

If you choose to have her stay again then I’d be quite firm with rules of what she can and can’t do. I would also get a little safe and place things you don’t want touched in there. If she doesn’t like the rules then she doesn’t stay. Yes she’s doing you a big favour for free but she’s also taking some liberties

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/09/2023 07:14

AussieManque · 27/09/2023 05:27

Definitely say something. Was she even insured to be driving your car??

Next time leave detailed instructions regarding emptying bins etc and your house rules e.g. no having people over, no using my car, and hide things you don't want to be used like bath bombs.

No adult should need telling not to drive someone else's car uninsured. It's a criminal offence.

If someone does need to be told that, then I wouldn't view them as being responsible enough for me to entrust my house and cat to them.

icelollycraving · 27/09/2023 07:16

I’d be very irritated. The bath stuff should have been out of sight if you weren’t happy for her to use it. The get together I think is ok if nothing was broken etc as she was there for a while. The car is really shocking and her attitude around it shows her idiocy. I’d be really pissed off over that. She and you weren’t insured, it’s all very well for her to say she’d sort it but as presumably she is in a one bed flat through means not choice, that wouldn’t happen would it?!
Cats do need some company. Are you sure she gave the medication as she seems a bit lax. When my mum looks after my cat in our house, I fill the fridge, leave treats and send her flowers. A few bottles of wine seems a bit tight if she’d not fucked about.

DixonD · 27/09/2023 07:18

If she was caught driving your car without insurance the police would instantly seize it. It was a massive risk.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/09/2023 07:18

Promising to "cover all costs" if she crashed was obviously a lie, thinking about it. If she'd just dented the bumper, the costs are low, but insurance is also there to cover the costs of lifelong care and compensation for loss of earnings if you crash into someone and disable them for life. She was never going to cover that was she? She just didn't give a fuck.

Uninsured driving is really fucking low.

Frickinghell · 27/09/2023 07:19

What a CF. I wouldn’t ask her to house sit again. Take the cat to the cattery
Imagine if she had got into an accident in your car. The trouble she and you would be in. I bet she wasn’t insured as provisional on your car. Plus, does your house insurance cover a guest staying and having a party?

Primproperpenny · 27/09/2023 07:20

I’d tell her you’ve just got a speeding ticket through for whilst you were away. You don’t want points and a fine on your record so you’re going to have to say it was her (plus you can prove you were out of the country). Make her sweat!

Daffodilsandtuplips · 27/09/2023 07:24

You need to drive ( no pun intended) it home to her that you are seriously pissed off about her using your car, she committed a criminal offence. She’s unlicensed, has no insurance, you wouldn’t have even have had third party cover in the circumstances you described. If she had hit another vehicle, causing injury to the driver and passengers would she be able to cover the costs of replacing both cars and personal compensation to anyone injured? I very much doubt it.
She’s a CF without doubt.

Sunshinenrain · 27/09/2023 07:25

This would be unforgivable for me and I’d end the friendship.

You are being kind enough to let her and her partner stay in your home (which would cost a hell of a lot more than paying someone to feed your cat).

And she has taken the absolute piss by inviting other people around and using your car without asking.

She knew she was being a CF which is why she didn’t tell you about it.

I could not trust her in my home again.

DisquietintheRanks · 27/09/2023 07:26

Yabu except foe the driving lessons (I presume you had agreed she could use your car ?)

Half a tank of petrol and some bath bombs is cheap for 3 weeks free cat care.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 27/09/2023 07:28

The car thing is unforgivable. Even if you don’t want a confrontation, you need to make different arrangements for next time. It’s awful.

BarrelOfOtters · 27/09/2023 07:28

The rest of it seems on the edge of ok….she obviously feels she’s doing you the favour…where I think you think it’s the other way round.

to be fair to pay someone to give the cat medication or to live I. Would b3 a fair amount of money.

but the car thing is ridiculously bad….that just shows she’s thoughtless and reckless.

DisquietintheRanks · 27/09/2023 07:29

@Sunshinenrain why is it kind tolet a friend stay and look after your cat for free? It's a 3 bed semi, not Downton Abbey.

Pet sitters are generally paid.

SerendipityJane · 27/09/2023 07:29

I'd be waiting for the NIPs to start appearing.

Cosyblankets · 27/09/2023 07:30

I can't believe someone would think it was ok to have lessons without insurance in someone else's car.

BarrelOfOtters · 27/09/2023 07:30

DisquietintheRanks · 27/09/2023 07:26

Yabu except foe the driving lessons (I presume you had agreed she could use your car ?)

Half a tank of petrol and some bath bombs is cheap for 3 weeks free cat care.

OP says she hadn’t mentioned car to cat sitting friend as that friend can’t drive so why would she?

sodthesodoff · 27/09/2023 07:31

So your 'friend' breaks the law as well as being a massive cheeky fuck. But you don't want to upset her?

Well okay then. Not sure I'd want someone so disrespectful around me but at least now you know she can't be trusted.

For me, in any sort of relationship, once the trust is gone it's doomed

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 07:36

She essentially stole your car and drove it uninsured.
You need to make her aware how serious that is. She’s an idiot.
How ignorant to blithely say she’d “pay if anything happened” If she seriously injured someone she’s going to prison.

Seems insignificant in comparison but: Food contaminated containers are not all washed at the plant. Many do end up in landfill.

She has no respect for you or your home.

How old is she? she sounds like an irresponsible child.

Remona · 27/09/2023 07:37

She didn’t volunteer information about taking the car out. It was only when you noticed the keys had been moved and then subsequently half a tank of petrol had been used.

Aside from the fact that it was illegal and beyond cheeky, half a tank of petrol wasn’t used just driving slowly in an empty local car park as lots of learners do. They’ve been driving round all the time you’ve been away. Driving lessons my backside. Her and her BF are a couple of massive CFs.

She didn’t mention that, so what else do they get up to and don’t bother to tell you about? Lots I bet. I bet you’d get a shock at the liberties they take.

No way would I be tolerating this. I’d be making it clear right now that she’s taken the piss massively and you won’t ever let her stay again.

HowAmYa · 27/09/2023 07:43

I'd put money on 'driving lessons' being her and her bf using the car for free and just passing it off as lessons to soften the blow.

Shes taken you for a mug. I'd simply tell her that you left her house and her car in a worse state then when you left and unfortunately you can't trust her to house sit again. She should have asked permission for the bath bombs, party hosting and using the car.

Anyone who downplays ILLEGALLY using your car wouldn't be a friend for long! The fuckin risk of hitting someone else if she was truly having driving lessons is ridiculous.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 27/09/2023 07:45

DisquietintheRanks · 27/09/2023 07:29

@Sunshinenrain why is it kind tolet a friend stay and look after your cat for free? It's a 3 bed semi, not Downton Abbey.

Pet sitters are generally paid.

From personal experience as a pet sitter for friends and acquaintances, it can be a lovely break from housemates, a nice change of scenery, fun to use a pool or garden, have a big kitchen etc. And in this case, have access to car!

Of course, not all pet sitting is like that but it does seem like the OP and her (ex) friend both saw it as mutually beneficial in this instance.

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 07:48

If this is all true it’s pretty staggering.

Apart from entirely trashing the house she literally ticked everything on the list of “What NOT to do when house sitting”

I’m not sure either of you realise the gravity of her taking your car.

Its absurd that you ask at the end of your post: Am I just being fussy? Really? Hmm

Vinrouge4 · 27/09/2023 07:49

I wouldn’t say anything but I would definitely not ask her again. It is too risky and she doesn’t seem to understand boundaries. Tough luck if she doesn’t like it. You have to put yourself first.