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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
Thequeenofthetypis · 27/09/2023 06:10

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:05

I don’t want to lose the friendship but I did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car. I still feel that this is not an acceptable way to go about it but I don’t want to lose a friend over hypotheticals.

Did she even apologise??
I'd be raging 😡

LT1982 · 27/09/2023 06:15

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:05

I don’t want to lose the friendship but I did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car. I still feel that this is not an acceptable way to go about it but I don’t want to lose a friend over hypotheticals.

She didnt hypothetically break the law re driving. She actually did break the law and your trust

Zanatdy · 27/09/2023 06:16

Completely out of order using your car for driving lessons, when uninsured and without permission. Looking after someone’s house doesn’t give them permission to drive their car, especially when you don’t even have a license. I’d let it go given you’ve said something already but I’d think twice about asking her again

madeinmanc · 27/09/2023 06:18

You're both CFers, you're acting like you're doing someone else a favour by graciously allowing them use of your home- get a grip! She also shouldn't have used your car, but your arrogance here really stands out.

By the way, your recycling should all be clean and dry and shouldn't smell at all if you are doing it correctly. Don't you realise if you put dirty items in the recycling bin , it contaminates the load, none of it gets recycled and everyone's effort is wasted?

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/09/2023 06:19

What @LT1982 said.

The fact she is shrugging and doesn't care tells you what you need to know.

  1. You can't leave her to catsit ever again.
  2. You care about what she thinks of you wayyyy more than she cares what you think of her. If you keep the friendship tread lightly and don't trust her keep her as a "fun friend"
SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 06:20

What’s the “awful smell” coming from the recycling bin? It’s just recycled plastic etc in there isn’t it?

AbbeyGailsParty · 27/09/2023 06:21

Look at sites like Trusted house Sitters and https://www.housesittersuk.co.uk/sitters/register for the future.
Using your car is 100% unacceptable, she can’t have had insurance.
Using your stuff and having get-togethers not great but no real harm done..
These are the things you know about though.

House Sitters UK

Pet and House Sitting in United Kingdom. We connect House Owners and House Sitters quickly, easily and affordably.

https://www.housesittersuk.co.uk/sitters/register

GreatGardenstuff · 27/09/2023 06:22

She doesn’t sound mature or responsible enough for the job. Don’t ask her again.

I would definitely make clear that you’re cross about the car being used illegally. The rest I would let go, although you’re quite right to be unhappy about them. They’re in the annoying box, rather than the unacceptable.

LateAF · 27/09/2023 06:22

lots of people I know don’t clean their recycling before they put it in the bin (I.e will put leaking chicken packaging, dripping baked bean tins, yoghurt cartons etc straight in). 3 weeks of doing this would result in some strong smells!

LateAF · 27/09/2023 06:23

LateAF · 27/09/2023 06:22

lots of people I know don’t clean their recycling before they put it in the bin (I.e will put leaking chicken packaging, dripping baked bean tins, yoghurt cartons etc straight in). 3 weeks of doing this would result in some strong smells!

That was in response to @SmileyClare

BettyPhuckzer · 27/09/2023 06:23

She seems quite young/immature

I can understand that you don't want to lose the friendship over this

I think what I'd do is let this incident go, but be very aware that she's not particularly mature/reliable and can make poor decisions

Next time you go away, use another method of getting the medication to your cat

Don't let her stay at your house alone

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 27/09/2023 06:23

I’d be feeling like she invaded my space when she went looking for the car keys too. Never again.

looking4pup · 27/09/2023 06:25

She said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses.

She’s the person who was having lessons. She doesn’t drive. Apparently she decided to use the car for her partner to take her on some lessons.

So she lied to you aswell?

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:27

Yes it was coming from the recycling bin, she had not been rinsing anything before putting it in the bin so I had to deep clean it after it was emptied as it was full of flies

OP posts:
Pizzalover46 · 27/09/2023 06:27

Have you posted about this friend before? Something about not wanting her bf staying over and sleeping in your bed? She is a total CF and I'd be raging. Apart from cat/house sitting what do you get out of this friendship? I'd be oulling away and find alternative arrangements for your cat next time.

looking4pup · 27/09/2023 06:29

Ah sorry I thought that meant she said she gave her friend some driving lessons.

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:30

No haven’t posted about her before, I have two spare rooms so I don’t have to worry about anyone staying in my room, I made clear she could chose either of the spare rooms to stay in which she did.

OP posts:
Pizzalover46 · 27/09/2023 06:32

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:30

No haven’t posted about her before, I have two spare rooms so I don’t have to worry about anyone staying in my room, I made clear she could chose either of the spare rooms to stay in which she did.

Ah OK, it sounded similar to another thread. She's still incredibly cheeky though and I wouldn't rely on her again.

madeinmanc · 27/09/2023 06:34

I might have been a bit harsh in my previous reply, got woken up too early. Anyway, I would overlook the gathering as that is reasonable, but you can't trust someone who uses your car without permission with your house, can you?

Princessfluffy · 27/09/2023 06:36

If someone had been injured when she took your car this could have cost hundreds of thousands of pounds in compensation, potentially even millions. As she is a learner the possibility of an accident was relatively high. Your friend is utterly irresponsible and untrustworthy and has also broken the law.
The other stuff is bad but taking the car is next level.

I couldn't trust her to house sit again as she is a liability.

Princessfluffy · 27/09/2023 06:38

Obviously she will seek to minimise what she has done, that doesn't make in minimal in any way, it just means she doesn't want to take responsibility.

She has shown you who she is OP. Ignore that at your peril.

RedHelenB · 27/09/2023 06:40

MsFrost · 27/09/2023 06:06

I don't think it's fine to use someone's birthday present and not take the recycling out for 3 weeks. That's disrespectful even if you are not being paid.

Show quote history

Expecting cat sitting for free is disrespectful, OP can't even spare a few bathbombs for a friend who's doing her a massive favour? Cattery would be at least £300 surely?

Original poster
Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:42

I don’t need to pay my friend to look after the cat. I have a neighbour that says she can pop in and feed the cat for free each day and give him his meds but my friends insists on staying as she enjoys having more space and she also says it will be nicer for the cat to have company. I took her up and agreed.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 27/09/2023 06:43

She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off.

It's illegal to drive without insurance. I would be furious.

https://www.gov.uk/vehicle-insurance/driving-without-insurance

Vehicle insurance

Rules on what motor insurance you need, what to do if you're in an accident, insurance for driving abroad, penalties for uninsured vehicles and drivers.

https://www.gov.uk/vehicle-insurance/driving-without-insurance

autienotnaughty · 27/09/2023 06:44

Obviously it's helpful for you so I'd probably continue with the arrangement but, put away anything you don't want using and hide keys. The get together wouldn't bother me.