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Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
NutellaNut · 27/09/2023 08:17

Definitely you need to say something to her! Don’t be a wuss about it as she is really taking the piss. The car thing is absolutely outrageous. It’s all very well saying they would have covered the costs, but apart from it being illegal to drive uninsured, what would have happened if they’d killed someone or written the car off? The other stuff about hosting a party, using your nice bath bombs and not having the courtesy to empty the bins of their rubbish is bloody rude. She’s a cheeky fucker and you’d be an absolute mug to let her stay again. Find someone else to look after your cat!

mondaytosunday · 27/09/2023 08:20

The car was totally out of order. Bad enough of she drove it but letting a learner driver?
The recycling is poor but the small gathering I think is fine - a massive house party no.
I'd say something and definitely wouldn't ask again.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/09/2023 08:21

Hindsight is wonderful so next time make sure your cat goes to a cattery and don't have this CF stay in your home.

My chin was on the ground when I read she had taken your car (not even bothered to top up the fuel when she was done) where she wasn't insured on it and used it for driving lessons!!! LESSONS!!! She hasn't even passed her test yet!!!!

You say that you don't want to lose this friendship but I think this 'friend' has put the relationship you think you have on the rocks because of her actions.

Ellie1015 · 27/09/2023 08:22

I would be fine about the small gathering.

I would be mildly annoyed about the bath bombs but on it's own I wouldn't say anything.

However using the car as a learner and leaving the bin for 3 weeks would be dealbreakers. I wouldn't have her house sit again. I would only say something the moment i found out or if she asks why at next holiday.

That lack of common sense/care for your car and bins would mean i can't trust her to do it again as she makes stupid/lazy choices.

TriumphantElephant · 27/09/2023 08:25

There is no way on earth this woman would have replaced your car had she written it off. What she did was illegal, and it was irresponsible. It is absolutely a dealbreaker.

TriumphantElephant · 27/09/2023 08:28

goodness, if I house-sat, I would tidy up, empty the bins, change the sheets and clean the house top to bottom. And leave some M and S food in the fridge. I would want to know where the car keys were in case there was an emergency, but that is all. I cannot believe that people like this exist.

StarlightGin · 27/09/2023 08:28

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:27

No I don’t pay her, she just always offers as it’s three weeks of not paying bills in her place and she also enjoys staying in a bigger house with more facilities (bath, bbq, fire pit, pizza oven in garden, gaming stations ect) I always leave her a few bottles of wine but I don’t pay her as she’s actually closer to her work here too

How does she get to not pay bills in her own place when she's staying somewhere else?!

SaffronSpice · 27/09/2023 08:31

DelphiniumBlue · 27/09/2023 07:49

Slightly at a tangent, How does not taking out the recycling make the house smell? It's cardboard and glass, not food waste.

Show quote history

We recycle food waste

PickledFox · 27/09/2023 08:34

Have you asked her if she took out her own insurance? Either way she drove your car without permission and I wouldn’t be happy about that either.

The other things are annoying but not dealbreakers. Car issue is.

sugarapplelane · 27/09/2023 08:36

Just get someone else the next time you go away or put the cat in a chattery or pay the neighbour to pop in.
saves the hassle of the messy house

WhatWillEyeCallMyself · 27/09/2023 08:36

Your friend took the piss. The car bit is appalling. I would not allow the arrangement again because she's not showing you any respect.

StillWantingADog · 27/09/2023 08:37

Small get together - fine
rubbish - not ideal but not the end of the world
using your bath bombs- unacceptable
using your car (presumably uninsured) to give lessons to someone else- pretty awful actually

Bunnycat101 · 27/09/2023 08:38

The car is unacceptable and massively so. The other stuff I would let go but she overstepped so far and took a massive risk with your car and other people around her. My dad wouldn’t even let me use his car when I first started learning and wanted me in a learner car. You don’t just help yourself to someone else’s car even as an experienced driver but absolutely not as a learner.

Rightsraptor · 27/09/2023 08:38

Your friend insisted on staying you say, OP. She has no right to 'insist' on staying in your house. She had no right, morally and sometimes legally (as with your car) to do what she did.

She probably has no idea at all what could have happened if she'd killed or seriously hurt someone when she was driving without a licence and uninsured in your car. Her 'oh, it'd be fine as I'd have covered it' is naive nonsense.

Honestly, I'd rethink this friendship.

MariePaperRoses · 27/09/2023 08:39

Don't want to lose her as a friend? She's a user not a friend.

Why do you have such low standards in relationships?

Does everyone else treat you like a mug and have no respect for you?

MariePaperRoses · 27/09/2023 08:41

madeinmanc · 27/09/2023 06:18

You're both CFers, you're acting like you're doing someone else a favour by graciously allowing them use of your home- get a grip! She also shouldn't have used your car, but your arrogance here really stands out.

By the way, your recycling should all be clean and dry and shouldn't smell at all if you are doing it correctly. Don't you realise if you put dirty items in the recycling bin , it contaminates the load, none of it gets recycled and everyone's effort is wasted?

I don't see the op being arrogant at all!

She is meek and mild to the extent that her friend cannot behave with decent and respect and has behaved appallingly whilst in her home.

PuttingTheGreen · 27/09/2023 08:41

I would be furious if she'd taken my car and she would know about it!
I'd be angry about the rest of the stuff, but taking my car, especially as an uninsured, unlicensed learner driver would end the friendship.

DoDoDoD · 27/09/2023 08:41

I think a small get together with friends is fine if she was careful not to break anything, particularly as she was there for 3 weeks. The car is very reckless and the recycling and bath bombs plain rude. It sounds like you've already talked to her about the car. If you want to hold on to the friendship you need to not ask her again in the future, that's it. If she asks why just say you're not comfortable having people in the house when you're not there - if you don't like the idea of her having other people there and given her attitude to the car etc, it's true!

MargotBamborough · 27/09/2023 08:42

I would say you are unhappy about her using your car without permission - and presumably uninsured - and ask her to replace the bath bombs.

Do you have anyone else you could ask to house sit next time?

NonMiDispiace · 27/09/2023 08:46

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 08:09

I think it’s clear she and her bf were simply using the car for the entire time. Probably a day trip thrown in considering most of the petrol was used.

”Driving lessons for a friend” my arse.

Show quote history

^^This.
She’s been completely taking the piss OP.
I wouldn’t trust her an inch and I’d definitely never let her house sit again.

PenhillDarkMonarch · 27/09/2023 08:46

Most of this is often differing opinions BUT what would sway it for me is that she never told you. If she genuinely thought those things were fine, why wouldn't she mention having a few people round for a get together etc. Keeping quiet about it would indicate to me, she knows/believes what she did was not fair.

However, like others, I think the car thing is off the scale. It's not just a bit of bad judgement - that's a crime committed in your car, without your knowledge or permission. Fucking hell, that's bad. I'd be really mad at that.

Certainly there is no way I'd ask her again and I'd be clear it was primarily about the car theft.

Pippa12 · 27/09/2023 08:48

The small gathering I’d not be bothered about, the bath bombs, bit cheeky but ok. Recycling… frustrating.

The car id be majorly pissed off about, and the minimising of the situation equally as rude! What if she’d of written off somebody else’s car uninsured, is she well off with £+++ in the bank to replace it? This in my opinion shows lack of respect to anybody, never mind you in your own home.

My next holiday, I’d be using the NDN and personally I’d be upfront on why, but if you think this would sabotage your friendship it’d be a ‘last minute’ trip.

Hihey · 27/09/2023 08:50

A friend would not take advantage of their friend's kindness and generosity. Yes she was doing you a favour by giving your cat its medicine, but she basically had a free air bnb for 3 weeks. She's a CF for using your car and hosting parties without your permission. She's also really lazy for not taking out the bins.

You wouldn't be losing a friendship.

squashi · 27/09/2023 08:50

I'd definitely say something about the car, and if I let her stay again I'd remind her to take the recycling out. Perhaps wouldn't be quite so bothered about the get together and the bath bombs, although sounds like it all adds up in the CFery stakes. I'd be reluctant to let her house sit again, but I suppose that has to be balanced against your need.

PuzzledObserver · 27/09/2023 08:51

You offered two reasons why it wasn’t Ok for her to use your car, and she batted them both away. You don’t need her to feed the cat, but she insists on staying.

Clearly this is someone who doesn’t like to be told No. So unless you want to continue to be walked all over, decide on your boundaries and communicate them clearly, and then follow up with consequences if they are ignored.

That could be “Do NOT under any circumstances drive my car when you stay” or it could be “No, you are not staying at my house.” Maybe the first to start with, followed up with the second if she goes against what you’ve said.

The key point here, OP, is that you decide when someone stays in your house, and you decide what limits you place around their behaviour while they are they. You decide, and you communicate clearly. And if she ignores your limits, then the next thing you decide is that she’s not staying again.

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