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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 27/09/2023 07:49

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

Slightly at a tangent, How does not taking out the recycling make the house smell? It's cardboard and glass, not food waste.

Toptotoe · 27/09/2023 07:50

Taking a car without consent is a criminal offence as is driving whilst uninsured.
Being kind, I’d say your friend is a bit flakey. . . I would say nothing to her but I’d never invite her to house sit again.

Sheeponacid · 27/09/2023 07:50

There's a lot of outrage on Mumsnet about having friends housesit for free, when in the real world this is totally normal. Feeding a cat is hardly an 8-hour day. We have friends come and stay in our house and look after our pets all the time when we go away, because it's in a nice place and they consider it a holiday. I always get a present to say thank you but no payment is offered or expected.

MadamWhiteleigh · 27/09/2023 07:53

I would say nothing but not ask her again and find someone else

awaynboilyurheid · 27/09/2023 07:53

Your friend seems very naive to say I’d make sure all your costs were covered if she had crashed your car without insurance and you wouldn’t be without a car, does she have any idea how much it would cost her if she had an accident with another driver? Totally ridiculous to say that, like others I wouldn’t let her house sit again.

Lordofmyflies · 27/09/2023 07:54

I would be majorly pissed off that she drove my car without insurance and unless she acknowledged the risk she put you at, I wouldn't be able to trust her to have her back.

The other stuff, I wouldn't worry. She did you a favour and saved you hundreds of pounds on cat sitting. My sitter charges £50 a night, plus extra for medication giving. Thats over £1000 if you used a professional for 3 weeks or at least 500 bath bombs! I don't think you can complain about her having friends over, using bath bombs or not getting the recycling done at all.

whooshingiswhooshing · 27/09/2023 07:55

I think if she looked after your house and cat for free for three weeks, it's normal to expect a few things might have been used. I'd have no issue with that or with her having a few friends over as long as everything was left clean and tidy.

The car is a separate issue though as presumably no one was insured on it. If there'd had been a bump of any kind, there would have been all kinds of trouble. If your friendship and situation otherwise works ok (sounds like it's to everyone's mutual benefit) then no need for a big confrontation (MN can be very dramatic with this stuff), just tell her you were unhappy she used the car and in future you'd like her to run issues like this past you first.

EvilElsa · 27/09/2023 07:58

Good luck her "covering all the costs" of a serious car accident. She sounds thick as two short planks.
I wouldn't use her again for house sitting. It's done now, so no point dragging out an argument, but she's clearly can't be left again.

theDudesmummy · 27/09/2023 07:58

If someone stole my car and drove it illegally without being insured on it I wouldn't be speaking to them again, never mind remaining friends. I would consider reporting it to the police.

Ragwort · 27/09/2023 07:58

Your friend sounds very immature and rude ... we 'house sit' for friends occasionally (no pets to look after but they like someone staying) - it's a huge privilege... their home is lovely much nicer then our's and in a very nice location where it would be £££s to stay in a hotel or AirBnB. I am incredibly conscious about looking after their home and not taking advantage. We weren't sure about recycling arrangements once so took all our rubbish home to deal with.

Fran2023 · 27/09/2023 07:59

Can’t you just say ‘Please don’t use my car again and leave my cosmetics alone.’ ? Isn’t it really that simple? You benefit, the cat benefits and she benefits why ruin a good thing for all of you?

Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 27/09/2023 08:02

She had driving lessons in your car? What?! Nevermind the bloody bath bombs, that's unbelievable. What the hell is she playing at? Block her. Don't even bother explaining. Normal people don't do this.

msbevvy · 27/09/2023 08:05

Half a tank of petrol seems a lot for a few driving lessons.

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 08:05

Its over £1000 if you used a professional for 3 weeks or at least 500 bath bombs!

I love how you’ve calculated how much you would pay a cat sitter in bath bombs 😂🤣

harriethoyle · 27/09/2023 08:06

Definitely taking the piss @Champgal . Have a look at trusted housesitters website. I use it for DDogs when we're on holiday and it's great.

SmileyClare · 27/09/2023 08:09

msbevvy · 27/09/2023 08:05

Half a tank of petrol seems a lot for a few driving lessons.

I think it’s clear she and her bf were simply using the car for the entire time. Probably a day trip thrown in considering most of the petrol was used.

”Driving lessons for a friend” my arse.

Birch101 · 27/09/2023 08:09

I think her response to how you felt highlights the differences in your personalities and I'd personally be wary of trusting again.
Whilst for her it's no big deal to drive someone else car without their consent and knowledge quite clearly many other people disagree (Inc me) her partner should just do lessons in his car.

Not doing the bins is disgusting most people do this when they pay to away on holiday!

You can try again but I'd put measures in place such as a ring door bell to monitor activity, locking away all personal and private documents and items (what many people do for air bnbs) leaving a little toiletry care kit ...or give her some bath bombs as a point for Christmas

I'd try someone else next time

Happytohelp2 · 27/09/2023 08:10

She broke the law quite seriously when she drove the car without your permission - it’s a Theft Act offence. If she had been stopped without insurance and you said she had permission then you would have committed the offence of aid and abetting driving without insurance. If you said she didn’t have permission she would have been arrested and charged. This was a really serious betrayal of your trust. I would be furious.

TodayInahurry · 27/09/2023 08:10

She is a CF. If the car was not insured to her partner what would have happened when they were using it for lessons. The police can take a car off someone not insured to drive it, seen that on Police programs. Suppose she had had an accident and badly damaged it?

very nasty and unreasonable thing to do.

hihelenhi · 27/09/2023 08:11

I regularly cat & house sit for particular old friends of mine. Not paid, in my case, it's beneficial & I'm delighted to have the place to myself. Very chilled arrangement. It would frankly never even cross my mind to take something obviously "special" like bath bombs unless I knew they'd been left for me (and I get wine and stuff left for me). I'd take the bins out, just as I would in my own home. Isn't that just basic respect?

And I would never in a million years take and use someone else's car, it's absolutely illegal. She (and her partner) knows exactly what she's doing. She asks to be there; it's a favour for her not you. She doesn't respect or value you. She sees you as a mug. She is not a friend, she is a user. Please don't let her treat you like this. Horrible, disrespectful behaviour. I wouldn't want this person in my life, tbh.

MsRosley · 27/09/2023 08:12

Champgal · 27/09/2023 06:05

I don’t want to lose the friendship but I did mention to her that if anything happened I’m not insured and that driving it out me in a really risky position. She assured me that if anything happened she would cover all costs and I could tell that she felt it was no big deal and shrugged it off. I also mentioned that the costs weren’t all I would be worried about and that I would have no way to get to work, she assured me that if anything had happened she would have made sure I didn’t go with out a car. I still feel that this is not an acceptable way to go about it but I don’t want to lose a friend over hypotheticals.

This is absolute BS. Absolutely no way would I allow her to house sit again. She has no boundaries around your stuff, to the point of doing things that are clearly illegal.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 27/09/2023 08:12

The car is a big no no. Total piss take.

If the bath bombs were out then she could have taken it a license to use them. The recycling is grim though.

I would let her house sit again but take you car keys with you and reminder her about the recycling.

MeridianB · 27/09/2023 08:14

The bath bombs and bins are irritating but the business with the car is outrageous.

She took your car without permission and drove it without insurance, then shrugged and acted like it was no big deal.

And she reckons she would have covered all your costs if she'd had an accident? So, your car repairs, other person's car repairs, potentially a personal injury claim, your car replacement? On top of her fines and court costs. You know that would never happen.

So on this basis alone she sounds like a selfish twat. I agree with others that she'd never be staying again and is the kind of 'friend' I could do without. Because she has shown you just how little she thinks of you.

Nonplusultra · 27/09/2023 08:14

She sounds clueless - even thinking she could cover the cost of an accident, and replace your car. Unless you’re about to drip feed that she’s a millionaire heiress, she’s either very young or worryingly out of touch with reality.

The rest of it, I’d be prepared to overlook. I fill the fridge, and stock up on wine and chocolate for my cat sitter and leave money for a couple of takeaways. I wouldn’t mind friends coming over (but I know it wouldn’t be a wild night). I leave face masks and bath bombs out for her. I add her to my car insurance while I’m away so she gets off the buses for a while. She doesn’t pay attention to some of the details of housekeeping the way I would, but the benefits of house security and a happy cat are worth it.

Advicerequest · 27/09/2023 08:14

You don't need to mention anything but don't ask her again.