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Original poster

Friend took advantage of house sitting?

437 replies

Champgal · 27/09/2023 05:20

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/09/2023 21:02

The gathering is fine. I’d have no problem with that. The bins are sort of forgivable - is it alternate weeks recycling and bins? So she may have just missed the only recycling. It happens.
the bath bombs are very unreasonable and using the car uninsured is just plain reckless - it’s not only about potential car damage - imagine if she’d seriously injured someone?!

Ukrainebaby23 · 28/09/2023 21:47

Reasonable to eat your cornflakes and watch your TV, even to have a mate round one evening. Use your car at all, use personal toiletries, have a party....CF.

wildwestpioneer · 28/09/2023 22:00

It could have ended up being a tight mess with the car if she'd had an accident or pulled by the police. Firstly she's not insured for it, if you haven't given her permission it would have been driving without a licence insurance and theft of a car. If you'd told the police that you'd given her permission you'd have been charged with letting someone drive your car knowing they didn't have insurance. Not to mention any damage she'd have to pay for etc Let's hope you don't get a nip through the post in the next few weeks.

As for the bath bombs and recycling, I'd be annoyed but wouldn't mention this. I'd definitely say something about the car. Being clueless about I airy is no excuse and she used it without permission

Zerosleep · 28/09/2023 23:18

I feel like she had been really disrespectful. I think it’s really rude to borrow the car and for driving lessons with someone else, who does that! Also very rude to use all your bath bombs and host a small get together. I wouldn’t be asking her again and I would make it clear why.

Frances0911 · 28/09/2023 23:47

I would never go away and leave my car keys on display where someone could see them. Not to mention if your house were broken in to, the car could be stolen.

Also, if there was an accident, your car insurance is invalid, as you hadn't given your permission for the car to be driven by her.

T1Dmama · 29/09/2023 01:11

Nolongera · 27/09/2023 09:36

Insurance is as much her responsibility as his, not knowing is not a reason. They have both committed insurance offences.

It's way beyond no insurance, it's TWOC, part of the theft act IIRC, taking without owners consent.

Personally I would be going to the police, who knows what they got up to which might come back to bite you in the arse further down the line.

Show quote history

This.
If they’d been pulled over they’d both have been prosecuted for driving without insurance, and TWOC, they’d have faced bans, points, fines and your car would’ve been in a compound and you’d likely have had to pay to get it back out.

I would probably not keep mentioning it, she’s clearly too thick to understand the gravity of what they did…. And if they had crashed, it’s all very well her saying she’d repair it etc… but with no insurance who pays the other family for their damaged car?!….

I wouldn’t have her cat sit again EVER! I’d ask your lovely neighbour to do it and give her a lovely gift as a thank you.

Skynorth · 29/09/2023 02:39

What I’m taking from this is that she used your car without permission and neither her nor the person she had in the car with her were insured to drive it. This is more serious than just an empty tank. What if there had been an accident for instance? Your insurance wouldn’t have paid out for any damage. What if they had been stopped by the police? You would have faced the dilemma of either telling them you hadn’t given your consent to use the car, or covering for your friend by saying you had okayed use of the car, knowing they weren’t insured to drive it.
Why didn’t she use her own car, or her friend’s?
Either way, that is not a good friend. You are definitely not being unreasonable, she’s getting off a lot more lightly than she should in my opinion.

Solo · 29/09/2023 07:21

What if she'd hurt someone or worse whilst driving your car? And she took it without consent which I believe is also an offence. She could have lost her licence before even having one.. Did she actually remember to give your cat the medication?
I definitely wouldn't trust her again

Dibbydoos · 29/09/2023 07:45

She's not trustworthy anymore, so keep that in mind when you see her etc. Sometimes, we find out people we've lnown for years are CF's. Welcome to the club.

Don't ask her to house sit again, find a bona fide house sitter. My friends do this regularly via some organisation. They don't get paid and things are reported back to the house sitter organisation (you may need to pay them a nominal fee). Everything's insured too.

Experience is worth £000's to us all. Chalk it up, she's obvs not sorry as she'd prearranged everything. Maybe she is fed up of your friendship, an immature way to show it, but now you know.

WanderleyWagon · 29/09/2023 08:08

The car thing is massively, massively out of order. The recycling/rubbish thing would make me very cross. Both together might make me not have her back to housesit, but I would probably do it via just not asking her again and letting her draw the inference over time.

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/09/2023 08:46

ZiriForEver · 27/09/2023 11:15

The get-together on it's own wouldn't
be that big deal - if she lives there, she can meet people, like she would at home.
However, the bin means she didn't live there like at home, at home she would take the bins out.

The car is clearly the worst. I'm thinking now, whether the lessons are cover up for just letting her BF to use it, but no matter how it happened, taking the car is just too much, starting from trust and ending with insurance.

Yes, I don't believe the "driving lessons" notion at all.

LakieLady · 29/09/2023 08:47

Using your car without your permission is a criminal matter! That alone would have me hopping mad, without all the rest of it.

Imagine if she'd had an accident, and someone was injured? There's no way she'd be able to cover the costs of that, and the cost of repairing/replacing your car alone would be huge. And if she's triggered a speed camera or got parking tickets, you'll have all the hassle of proving that you weren't driving.

This is a bad breach of trust, and I'd never have her house sit again.

The recycling/rubbish is not so bad, especially if she lives in a different area. She may not even have known which day is bin day. Still a pain in the arse though.

Jojofjo44 · 29/09/2023 08:54

The car use is out of line and I would definitely bring that up, there's so many things that could have gone wrong. If having others over whilst you're away isn't something that you agree with, then for me, that should be discussed before your trip. The bath bombs? Using one wouldn't bother me, whole pack? Yeah I'd be pissed.
Sounds to me like you need to discuss ground rules before the next trip.

Pr1mr0se · 29/09/2023 10:22

I'd make other plans for your next time away.

Bigmoanbabyg · 29/09/2023 10:43

Everyone is getting too focused on the car can we please bring it back to the important things i.e. a bathbomb potentially missing and forgetting recycling day!

Notwittyenuff · 29/09/2023 11:28

Agree with this!

Lorrymum · 29/09/2023 13:38

Was the cat okay?

ellyeth · 29/09/2023 23:00

It can be very expensive to get a "babysitter" for your cat so your friend was also doing you a favour.

I think using your car to teach a friend to drive was completely out of order though.

nevynevster · 30/09/2023 06:23

If someone is pet sitting and you are not paying them then I think you have to accept they'll use stuff in your house. She wouldn't know bath bombs were a gift so I think you have to either accept anything can be used or say specifically before you leave, please don't use xxx. I think also very reasonable for her to have friends around.. it was a long trip after all. Recycling also not such a biggie.

Car is different, she was not insured and neither was her DP. You need to tell her that pretty clearly as she should not have taken it.

BexleyTutor · 01/10/2023 22:32

I recently looked after a house and cat for friends whilst they were away. It, too, is a much nicer house than mine! They told me to treat it like my own home. They told me I could eat any of the food they had in the house but I went shopping and brought in my own food. All I ate of theirs was half a loaf of bread that would have gone off whilst they were away and used things like ketchup etc. I took the rubbish out (both the recycling and non). I tidied up before they came home and everything was left as I found it.
I certainly would not have used their cars, I do think that is rather cheeky.
I had respect for all their property.

But... if you paid a professional to house-sit for you, I'm told it would cost around £100 a day! A cattery is expensive, too. So I was aware that I was saving them a lot of money.

I don't think what your friend did is worth losing their friendship over, but if they do not see that using the car was unreasonable, I wouldn't ask them again. It sounds like it will be their loss!! They might just not have the same social standards as most of us here, but it is not worth falling out.

Anothagoatthis · 01/10/2023 22:48

if you look at house sitters dot.co.uk you’ll find that most petsitters are not paid any money. Their “pay” is being allowed to stay in the house rent free.

But I’m sure usually people would prefer to have a friend stay in their house than a random so in some instances a friend staying is helping them out in that way

in OPs case she had a neighbour who would have fed the cat daily for free so the friend wasn’t really saving her any money at all.
In fact it would’ve been cheaper to have not had her and her boyfriend in the house since they wouldn’t have been using up energy.

People really need to stop downplaying the illegal use of car. It’s a massive deal and I’ve never heard of anyone I know doing such a thing. Very bizarre.

I would remain civil after saying my piece but step back from such a friendship because the person is not to be trusted clearly.

RantyAnty · 01/10/2023 23:02

I really don't understand why you'd want to remain friends with her.

She's made is clear she's more about what she can use you for.

You have no idea what they were doing with your car and home while you were gone. I suspect the boyfriend was using it as his personal vehicle. Are you able to tell how many kms they put in it?

I had to laugh at her promising to cover the costs if something had happened to the car. They both sound too thick to understand why what they did was wrong and too skint to pay for any damages since neither has a car and neither bothered to refill your tank with petrol.

Tarquina · 01/10/2023 23:05

Recycling bags should not smell as anything placed in them should be clean!

sueelleker · 02/10/2023 09:18

Tarquina · 01/10/2023 23:05

Recycling bags should not smell as anything placed in them should be clean!

Should be, but it doesn't sound like the friend is the sort to do things properly.

BardRelic · 02/10/2023 11:23

But... if you paid a professional to house-sit for you, I'm told it would cost around £100 a day! A cattery is expensive, too. So I was aware that I was saving them a lot of money.

I've never come across anyone charging remotely like that for house sitting and I doubt they'd get much business if they did. Often there's no charge for the house sitting as living somewhere where all your costs are covered is considered pay enough. I charge if there are pets that need a lot of input - a cat that needs feeding a couple of times a day is fair enough but dogs that need walking 2-3 times a day I charge for. Nothing like £100 per day though. I'd never have any work if I did that.

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