Morning everyone,
Just thought I'd update as a few have asked how we're getting on!
In a nutshell, mornings are much better now because I have changed.
Honestly, reading this thread with messages from people with experience, ftom those with similar children, from those who themselves have ADHD, or were like this as kids, or just from those with good insight and perception to what's going on, did me so much good.
I went on a massive learning mission and now feel pretty well informed, though I feel I still have a lot, lot more to understand because I've learnt that the symptoms of ADHD are not black and white or clear cut. So I think it's going to be an ongoing journey together, which we will do hand in hand.
Anyway, back to the mornings......I took on board my DS's guidance and have been doing his suggestion of verbally giving him 1 task to do at a time, he goes and does it, then returns to me and I say well done darling that's great, and then I verbally give him the second task to do, he does it, returns to me, and repeat.
I can't say it's absolutely perfect and flawless. There are still mornings where I tell him a task to do (now go and brush your teeth) and he goes off to do it but then minutes later I hear him leaning out of his bedroom window commenting to his sister about the weather, and no, he hasn't brushed his teeth! He's gone off on a tangent to look at what the weather's like outside. But the difference is that after educating myself and seeing the positive results from my change of approach, I now manage the mornings so differently. So, for example, when he was leaning out of his window after I'd asked him to go and brush his teeth, before I would have called up the stairs from the hallway and said "DS why on earth haven't you brushed your teeth yet? You've been up there for ages and it's getting later and we're going to be late for school if you don't hurry up!" and at this point I wasn't cross or angry but I fully admit I was frustrated and my stress levels were rising and I know he would have picked up on this. I don't do that anymore. This time, I walked up in to his bedroom, said in a very calm voice "DS, remember you came up here to brush your teeth" and smiled at him reassuringly, he said "Oh yes! Sorry, I just noticed that it's a really beautiful morning so I wanted to look out of my window", then he closed the window, immediately went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and whilst he was doing them I rubbed his shoulder and said "Well done DS. Now when you've done that, come back downstairs to me straight away and we'll get on with the next thing, OK?" Which is exactly what he did, and I verbally told him the next thing to do.
And this is how we do it now.
Before, I'd have said "Right, when you've finished your teeth, do your inhaler, don't forget to rinse your mouth out afterwards, get dressed, make your bed, and come down." And he'd come down 20 minutes later in his boxer shorts without having done at least 3 of the above steps.
I now break every single step down to 1 thing only.
With the brushing of his teeth, I was tempted to say "When you've finished your teeth, do your inhaler."
But I didn't, because I don't even do 2 step instructions anymore.
I waited until he returned to me after doing his teeth, then I told him to do his inhaler.
And it's so much easier for me to keep on top of what he's doing in the mornings now, because I only give him 1 instruction at a time, it means I know exactly what he should be doing, so if I see or hear that he's not doing that precise task, I'm on to it immediately and without delay I go to him and very gently/calmly remind him of what I'd asked him to do and he immediately goes and does it and we get back on track again.
But this is just to give an axample of what happens when he does go off track and forgets.
I would say 80% of the time he completes the single task/instruction I've given him within the time frame we've both agreed, and then he returns to me for the next thing.
This is a massive improvement, and it's a massive time saver, because he's getting things done on time. I could sing from the rooftops about this! Before, he'd go upstairs having been asked to do several things and I'd be downstairs seeing to DD (with SEN needs) then he'd reappear 20 mins later having done none of what I'd said to him to do.
It's working really well.
He is much calmer and happier in the mornings since we've been doing this, which is brilliant.
I actually really like this system because it means I am having much more interaction with him throughout the morning, which is lovely, and I feel much happier because I know that he's gone to do 1 thing and will be back in 5 minutes, or if he's not then I go and find him and help him get back on track, which he's doing without delay, so I feel like I'm staying on track with what he's doing, and we're staying on schedule with the time, which feels so much better, instead of that awful stress I felt before when I realised he wasn't doing any of the things he was supposed to be doing from the list I'd given him and the time was getting later.
The written list has gone.
More than 1 verbal instruction at a time has gone.
Every morning once he's done everything I stand with him and say "Right, let's go through your timetable together and see what lessons you've got and check together that you've got everything you need for the day" and he loves doing this together, he keeps saying "Thank you mummy, this is helping me so much". Whereas before I was saying "Remember to go and check your timetable and make sure you've got everything you need for the day", which I thought was being helpful but it wasn't actually working because I'd assume he would go and do it but then I'd find out after school that he'd forgotten something he needed because he forgot to check in the morning despite me telling him to.
Every morning, before we leave, I'm giving him a big hug and telling him he's done really well that morning, that I'm proud of him, and that I think he's amazing.
I'm giving him as much positive reinforcement as I can.
And we've left for school on time every day since we've changed our morning system! Which has made for a much more enjoyable journey to school, because there's no rushing involved.
I've now started using this method for everything where there's a time schedule involved - bedtimes, swimming lessons, meeting up with friends/family at a set time, etc. It's working really well.
He still struggles though. He told me that at school yesterday, he left his science class and walked to a different part of the building to his Maths class. On arrival, a different set of children were in there so he realised he'd got it wrong. He checked his blazer pocket for his timetable, where we'd put it in the morning before school, but he'd used it earlier in the school day and hadn't put it back in his pocket and couldn't remember where he had put it. Then he remembered that I had put a spare timetable in to his rucksack, which I'd laminated for him. But his rucksack was rammed with all sorts of other stuff - lunchbox, school books, pencil case, water bottle, trainers, etc. Through the course of the day of taking things in and out, the spare timetable had got buried down to the bottom underneath all his stuff. So he knelt down on the floor in the corridor, emptied everything out of his rucksack to get to his spare timetable, saw that he wasn't meant to be in maths, he was meant to be in English, panicked because the English classroom was in a different block and he was now going to be late to class (which he knows they get detentionsfor), quickly put all his stuff back in his rucksack and ran all the way to English, apologised to the teacher who said "Sit down and start writing this down from the board, and hurry up because we've already started". DS sat at his desk, opened his rucksack to get his pencil case out so he could start writing.....only to find it wasn't there. He'd left it on the floor of the corridor outside the Maths room where he'd emptied his rucksack.
He said by this point he felt very stressed and didn't know what to do. I talked it through with him and helped come up with strategies to use if that happens again.
I also suggested putting a laminated timetable on a toggle on the outside of his rucksack but he said he'd feel embarrassed in front of the others at school.
On Wednesday I had an appointment with GP to discuss DS (had to wait weeks for an appointment) and GP said referral for investigation in DS's symptoms would require referral to CAMHS which she said has a 2 year waiting list in our area. She said DS is not at crisis point and therefore would not be prioritised to be seen any sooner than that. I didn't know that CAMHS is the starting point for investigationin to ADHD or ASD or processing difficulties, I thought it would be a referral to a child development centre or to a Paediatrician. The GP's parting words were that the NHS is struggling with the amount of referrals to CAMHS and the system can't cope with the volume of children that need to be assessed. I left feeling deflated, I must admit.
I have asked the school for a meeting with the SENCo but she has been off sick for several weeks now, so I am awaiting her return.
I have spoken to his form tutor and she advised me to address my concerns to the SENCo when she is back.
In the meantime, we're working together as a team and I'm consistently telling him that I'm on his side.