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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

349 replies

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 13:53

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 16:47

TheCupboardUnderTheStairsAtTheMojoDojoCasaHouse · 26/09/2023 16:36

I really do wonder how people with this attitude manage to use a park - much less a public footpath through the countryside or just leave the house.

Imagine being so worried about essence of faeces that you were unable to even read a book.

Show quote history

Essence of feces 🤣🤣🤣 brilliant.

I have a dog and live in apartments. We very much enjoy the local footpaths (very rural) where I can with good conscious let my dog crap and then remove it. Not somewhere where mine or any one else's child could easily put their hand in said dog's skiddies. If you want to send your kids out into this garden, or knowingly sit where you know a dog has just shat than you're either gross and have zero respect for others or you are just trying to wind people up by being a bit dog arsey.

SueDonnym · 26/09/2023 16:48

He is a working dog -he needs breaks from the work he does.

NameChangePoP · 26/09/2023 16:48

Dumbles · 26/09/2023 16:32

The comments on this thread crack me up.

Where do you all think foxes and cats go to the toilet? What about birds? How about mice & rats? Maybe best not to go in the garden at all if thought of animals going to the toilet is so vile. The wee goes into the soil, it soaks up, the rain falls - it’s part of nature. Op picks up the poo.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to be annoyed that a service dog is using a shared huge garden. Also legally the dog is allowed so it not reasonable to say otherwise.

Op carry on as you are. If she does it again I would write a letter to explain you are deaf etc. say you won’t put up with aggressive and discriminating behaviour. any more instances whatsoever and you will be raising a police complaint. Then she’s had fair warning, maybe try and give it to the boyfriend if you can.

100% this. Couldn't have written it any better.

MN amazes me sometimes....

Annasoror · 26/09/2023 16:49

If you pick up the dog poo, I can't see an issue. I've never been in a place where dog wee smells. I suppose in the summer if there's a dry spell if might and you should try and sluice it, but there's so much rain usually that this really isn't an issue. This thread is madness.

SilasMarnerJekyll · 26/09/2023 16:49

The management company have confirmed that you can use the garden for your dog so carry on, you are doing nothing wrong.

Your neighbour sounds unhinged, start keeping a record with dates of her bullying behaviour towards you. If necessary use your phone to film her episodes. Her mimicry and abuse towards you could be construed as a disability hate crime, so collect evidence and report her to the management company.

WickedSerious · 26/09/2023 16:51

CalistoNoSolo · 26/09/2023 16:36

So your dog only gets three loo breaks every 24hrs? Either you're full of shit or you shouldn't have a dog.

Show quote history

The poor dog is probably full of shit too.

VivaLaVolvo · 26/09/2023 16:53

DuplicateUserName · 26/09/2023 14:24

I was going to say YANBU but then I thought about it.

Why is a trained service dog approaching your neighbours for a 'cuddle'?

If you managed with a small balcony before, can't you just toilet the dog in the street like I assume you used to?

She's a nasty woman for the way she treated you, however I'm not sure it's a police matter. Still, nothing stopping you from contacting 101 and asking for advice I suppose.

The police dogs in the houses of parliament greet me for attention most mornings. They are very well trained.

EvilElsa · 26/09/2023 16:53

I think I'd try to reach a compromise with them so you can both live happily as neighbours. I would probably speak with the husband who seems to have a more calm and balanced view about the situation.
I would take the dog out for a walk three times a day (I do with mine) -morning, lunch and evening. That should really cover the poo issue totally barring any tummy upsets and give him three decent leg stretches/run arounds.
Like you've already done, tell them you are using one area for wee and will stick to that. In all honesty I'd probably keep him on the lead in a shared space anyway, especially if he's already had some decent time out walking and running about outside the house.
It's totally up to you obviously. You have permission to use the space. I just think if you can both come to some agreement then it will be better and more comfortable for you all.

lliij8 · 26/09/2023 16:54

The management company have confirmed that you can use the garden for your dog so carry on, you are doing nothing wrong.

Yeah, but I'm guessing that the management company aren't the ones who want to actually use the garden!

The OP makes clear that she was letting the dog piss and shit all over the garden, and that she has now decided to make it do that in just a small part of the garden.

Better yet, stop letting your dog piss and shit in any part of the shared garden. Think of others!

Wick55 · 26/09/2023 16:55

The first reasonable response I’ve seen so far! For Christ sake I have a dog and almost all of my friends do, never once has any of our gardens ‘smelt of wee’. Absurd, ridiculous.

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 16:56

@Sunshinenrain OP could you section a small area off just outside of your door?

Terrible advice. OP has shared use of the garden along with 8 other properties. She can’t just claim a piece of it for her own use and section it off from others.

DuplicateUserName · 26/09/2023 16:57

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 14:58

Another thing to add as well - he is a fully accredited service dog under Hearing Dogs for the Deaf which is registered under Assistance Dogs UK - there is a register for such dogs but not many organisations are aware of this and people do take advantage of this.

He has a little ID book and wears a jacket, harness, and a badge when he is working :)

According to their own website there is no such register.

Information for assistance dog owners - ADUK

Assistance Dogs UK is coalition of assistance dog charities, providing information to prospective and current assistance dog owners.

https://www.assistancedogs.org.uk/faqs/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20register%20or,they%20require%20ID%20by%20law.

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 16:57

@Wick55 For Christ sake I have a dog and almost all of my friends do, never once has any of our gardens ‘smelt of wee’. Absurd, ridiculous.

Dog owners are largely immune to the smell of their own pets due to their exposure to it. Anyone else who enters your house or garden would be able to smell it.

PearlJamily · 26/09/2023 16:58

So much judgement on here. The post simply asked if OP should report the harassment. She's been made to feel intimidated by someone who has mocked her disability for gods sake- that's the issue- not whether you believe the harassment was over something you feel is justified!!

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 26/09/2023 16:59

OP, it sounds like you have no intention to change, although the absolute majority here are saying that letting your dog pee and poo in the garden is disgusting.

Erm... not true ... more than half think she's NBU

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?
RattlewhenIwalk · 26/09/2023 17:01

There are some right drama queens on here, being scared of dog cuddles, which presumably your dog is allowed to do when not in harness/at work.

That said not everyone is a dog lover so maybe keep rags on him unless you know it's someone who's a dog lover.

Your neighbour is a ignorant cow screaming and shouting at you but unless she continues I don't think the police will be that interested. Letting the dog crap in the communal garden isn't nice even if the other neighbors don't use it and perhaps if you don't the shouty cow will stop it.

Grumpy101 · 26/09/2023 17:02

She's an arsehole, clearly. But you are very unreasonable to let the dog do its business in the garden. It's very inconsiderate of your neighbours.

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 17:02

PearlJamily · 26/09/2023 16:58

So much judgement on here. The post simply asked if OP should report the harassment. She's been made to feel intimidated by someone who has mocked her disability for gods sake- that's the issue- not whether you believe the harassment was over something you feel is justified!!

I think when you give a lot of detail you can expect far reaching views. If she calls the police (not unjustifiably) they would interview the neighbour and ask why this started. Therefore comments on all the circumstances are reasonable IMO. It's pretty hard to completely control a thread and I'm sure OP is aware of this.

LemonPeonies · 26/09/2023 17:04

Do you not walk your dog? I'm glad I and my kids don't share a garden with you! 🤮

SilasMarnerJekyll · 26/09/2023 17:05

lliij8 · 26/09/2023 16:54

The management company have confirmed that you can use the garden for your dog so carry on, you are doing nothing wrong.

Yeah, but I'm guessing that the management company aren't the ones who want to actually use the garden!

The OP makes clear that she was letting the dog piss and shit all over the garden, and that she has now decided to make it do that in just a small part of the garden.

Better yet, stop letting your dog piss and shit in any part of the shared garden. Think of others!

The Op has permission to use the garden for her dog - end of story!

The ridiculous neighbour can ape about, banging on the window, shouting and making a fool of herself but it doesn't change the fact that Op's dog is legitimately entitled to use the garden. Neighbour will just have to put up with it or move to a place with a private garden.

Wick55 · 26/09/2023 17:05

Sorry but I absolutely disagree. You can definitely smell dogs in a house, but I have never smelt dogs in a garden in my life (Obviously unless people are leaving poo all over the place).

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 17:06

Justhereforthebabynames · 26/09/2023 16:43

Of course your dog can use the shared garden. It's not like the OP is leaving the mess there. What's the point in having a garden if you can't even let your own dog run around it?

I suppose because potentially around 30 other people use that garden. If it was solely hers it could be up her eyeballs in crap.

Sunshinenrain · 26/09/2023 17:06

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 16:56

@Sunshinenrain OP could you section a small area off just outside of your door?

Terrible advice. OP has shared use of the garden along with 8 other properties. She can’t just claim a piece of it for her own use and section it off from others.

@Hufflepods
It seems like a good compromise so the dog isn’t going toilet over the rest of the shared area, which the rest of the residents would prefer.

Emz6103 · 26/09/2023 17:07

Its a shared garden so really you're taking your dog and allowing it to shit in her garden. No I don't think you should take it out into the garden to use as a toilet. I had a Labrador and tbh it totally ruined my garden. The urine killed the grass and plants, he peed over everything being male to scent. He pooed for England and yes we cleared it away but the poo was still on the grass and the urine smelled. So not only does she have to put up with her garden being used as a dog loo but he will tear up the grass and leave dead patches from his urine. I be upset too. You should take the dog out in the park where he can pee poo and run around. She was wrong to mock you but I'm sure she was very angry and sometimes we do things we're not proud of when emotions are high. I love dogs but I wouldn't want my neighbours dog pooing in my garden.

SealHouse · 26/09/2023 17:07

Where I live the owner's management company (OMC) of an apartment complex is usually made up of the individual apartment owners and often a property management agent retained by the OMC to maintain common areas, collect management fees, manage the sinking fund etc. There may also be rules around dog ownership written into the leasehold agreements. For example, dog ownership may be allowed provided the animal does not cause a nuisance to other residents. If this lady is an owner she could raise this issue at the next OMC meeting. Alternatively if she is a tenant her landlord may raise it on her behalf.
I would not be happy either and if I were her I would be raising it as an issue at the next meeting of the OMC. In my opinion dogs off-leash in common/shared areas is unacceptable, and toileting a dog in a shared garden is off-the-scale entitlement, service dog or not.

(edited for spelling)

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