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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

349 replies

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 13:53

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 26/09/2023 17:57

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ForensicFlossy · 26/09/2023 17:59

superninny101 · 26/09/2023 16:30

I have a dog but, even if your neighbour handled it very badly, appallingly in fact, honestly I would not be happy with a dog in a communal garden off lead, and even less happy with the toileting. I wouldn't want your dogs 'cuddles' either.

It sounds like the management have completely mismanaged this by not communicating with the other tenants or being clear with you about what your dog can and cannot do in the grounds.

You know you can take it to toilet in the street or elsewhere, and keep it on a long lead in the garden right? That would be being a good neighbour.

I couldn't have put it any better than this (also a dog owner)

Thindog · 26/09/2023 17:59

Your neighbour has become aggressive because she doesn't want her shared garden to be fouled with dog shit and wee. It's a garden, not a dog toilet. You have antagonised her by your unreasonable behaviour. I doubt the police will do anything.

Andylippy1 · 26/09/2023 18:01

Totally Laurie I am astounded by the lack of education and knowledge of what I have read on this thread. Some people need to think seriously about educating themselves and to work on a more positive attitude towards people with disabilities!

BellaAndDave · 26/09/2023 18:01

@Dumbles apparently people do, maybe to save their grass.

RunningFromInsanity · 26/09/2023 18:02

Bizarre that people think trained service dogs must never ever interact with other people. Of course he can have cuddles with neighbour if appropriate!
Aslong as the owner/handler says it’s ok, and of course if the receiver of the cuddles is ok with it too.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 26/09/2023 18:03

The management company are not entitled to give you a reasonable adjustment using other people’s property and rights!! They led you on to believe this because they almost certainly don’t know what they’re talking about - they don’t get paid enough to be on top of this stuff. They all do the bare minimum to pass the buck and get paid. They erred on the side of safety - respecting your disability - in the hope nobody would object. But as I’m sure you’re extremely aware, your rights aren’t inviolable.

Unfortunately for you, the onus is on YOU to ascertain whether you’re allowed to let your dog out in the communal property. Your ownership documents, in particular the sections covering communal parts, is where you need to look. There is no obligation on the management company to do this, or to tell you the truth. If they don’t the only consequence for them is that they’ll be fired and eventually go out of business. You, however, could be subject to court proceedings.

And just being sensible: would you feel okay if I let my snake out to roam through the grass and climb trees in your communal garden? Because that’s what it’s bred to do? Or my rabbit out to hop about and undoubtedly pee and poo? Even if I thought I was picking up every pellet? Be reasonable, now.

WetWetBottomOnTheNightBus · 26/09/2023 18:03

The woman doing the shouting and mocking your deafness doesn't even live there? Wow.
If you are walking your dog and only allowing him to occasionally toilet in the garden as sanctioned then surely this is actually none of her business seeing as she isn't actually a resident?
Anybody mocking a persons disability is committing an offence I believe?
If you feel intimidated and mocked by shouty non resident then you do have a right to report her.
Maybe some replies have been based on your initial post and maybe not subsequent updates where you now say you don't let your dog jump on people and don't let him out if other people are in the garden.
Hope you find a solution.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/09/2023 18:03

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She says in the OP that she only decided to restrict the area the dog can toilet to avoid being screamed at again.

Dumbles · 26/09/2023 18:04

BellaAndDave · 26/09/2023 18:01

@Dumbles apparently people do, maybe to save their grass.

Save their grass from what?? 😂😂

It’s like a thread of the stepford wives here.

Sorry to dispel the myths but if a dog wees on the grass - nothing happens! Unless you are eating the grass I don’t think you need to worry.

JudgeRudy · 26/09/2023 18:05

I think your neighbour is correct to say you really shouldn't have a dog pissing and shitting freely in a communal space. To think otherwise is incredibly entitled. What difference does it make that it's a service dog? She's correct. You have legs. Walk it elsewhere or let it go supervised in a designated area right by your door and clear up immediately.
She isn't bullying you. You went to her house. She said her peace. She didn't threaten you.
The only thing she's (possibly) guilty of is mimicking you however that's hardly a police matter. It could even be that she was annunciating her words for emphasis in the same way you might to 'get into your thick head'. It didn't sound like you was taking her complaints on board and just kept repeating that it was a service dog, as if that makes it's shit and piss OK.
You are entitled.

CoffeeandCheesecake · 26/09/2023 18:06

Thindog · 26/09/2023 17:59

Your neighbour has become aggressive because she doesn't want her shared garden to be fouled with dog shit and wee. It's a garden, not a dog toilet. You have antagonised her by your unreasonable behaviour. I doubt the police will do anything.

Read the thread properly! The aggressive person is not even her neighbour, she's a partner of a neighbour that sometimes stays, but has her own home elsewhere. The garden is not hers.

Also, mimicking someone's disability cannot be justified. Nice bit of victim blaming there.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 26/09/2023 18:08

BIossomtoes · 26/09/2023 17:40

At least half the posts are 100% in support of OP. Added to which the woman who objects doesn’t even lived there. If the management company is happy that’s the end of the matter.

Show quote history

Can you read? The OP has received an absolute pile on in this thread telling her that she's being very unreasonable from the vast majority of posters.

DinnaeFashYersel · 26/09/2023 18:10

Neighbours taunting you for your deafness is appalling.

But letting your dog go to the toilet in a communal garden is completely rank and I would be furious if I was your neighbour.

SophieTheGuineaPig · 26/09/2023 18:12

Urine and dog excrement stink regardless of your dog’s status as a service dog. I understand somehow this does not bother you, but frankly, as rudely your neighbour expressed her feelings, I’m with her on it - you should walk him to do his needs away from a communal garden.

Passepartoute · 26/09/2023 18:12

It's hilarious how many people are utterly horrified by the thought of a dog peeing in one place in a communal garden. Do you imagine that birds, mice, rats, squirrels, foxes etc all considerately take themselves to animal toilets or something?

Lou197 · 26/09/2023 18:12

OP I am sorry you went through this, if you have permission from the management company - you have permission, end of. I am sure you are respoinsible with regards to the dog and I hope you soon settle into your new home and feel comfortable. I do not believe you should feel threatened because of a disability, perhaps call 101 for advice.

JudgeRudy · 26/09/2023 18:12

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 16:09

I work from home, and the dog alerts me to a huge variety of sounds, including fire alarms. I can't just pop out for a walk every time he needs the loo as I have a job to do. I only have the dog because I'm completely vulnerable at home on my own - I wouldn't have him if I didn't need him.

Therefore, the reasonable adjustment that the management company have agreed to, is to let him use the garden!

Show quote history

Don't 'pop out' then...let him shit/piss indoors or get the equivalent of a litter tray. Or have a small area near your door (1 x2m max) that's effectively his toilet.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 26/09/2023 18:13

Why is the dog using the shared garden as a toilet? Your neighbours delivery might be wrong but maybe she has had enough. Id hate dog wee and poo smells. Take your dog for a walk. Seems like you want to enjoy the shared garden as your, but its not, its shared .You should've bought a place with a private garden.

CaroleSinger · 26/09/2023 18:13

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I'm disabled. I have a dog. I'm just not convinced there's an absolute need for a service dog to toilet in a communal garden when there are other places available outside of the shared garden. It seems to be creating an issue where there wasn't one if you have a grass verge outside your flat you could just as easily use.

Passepartoute · 26/09/2023 18:14

JudgeRudy · 26/09/2023 18:05

I think your neighbour is correct to say you really shouldn't have a dog pissing and shitting freely in a communal space. To think otherwise is incredibly entitled. What difference does it make that it's a service dog? She's correct. You have legs. Walk it elsewhere or let it go supervised in a designated area right by your door and clear up immediately.
She isn't bullying you. You went to her house. She said her peace. She didn't threaten you.
The only thing she's (possibly) guilty of is mimicking you however that's hardly a police matter. It could even be that she was annunciating her words for emphasis in the same way you might to 'get into your thick head'. It didn't sound like you was taking her complaints on board and just kept repeating that it was a service dog, as if that makes it's shit and piss OK.
You are entitled.

It's not her house. She doesn't live there.

CoffeeandCheesecake · 26/09/2023 18:15

JudgeRudy · 26/09/2023 18:05

I think your neighbour is correct to say you really shouldn't have a dog pissing and shitting freely in a communal space. To think otherwise is incredibly entitled. What difference does it make that it's a service dog? She's correct. You have legs. Walk it elsewhere or let it go supervised in a designated area right by your door and clear up immediately.
She isn't bullying you. You went to her house. She said her peace. She didn't threaten you.
The only thing she's (possibly) guilty of is mimicking you however that's hardly a police matter. It could even be that she was annunciating her words for emphasis in the same way you might to 'get into your thick head'. It didn't sound like you was taking her complaints on board and just kept repeating that it was a service dog, as if that makes it's shit and piss OK.
You are entitled.

I would say OP's neighbours partner is a lot more entitled than the OP. What on earth gives someone the right to start dictating how someone else uses their shared garden, when they're not even a resident!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:16

Hufflepods · 26/09/2023 17:20

@Sunshinenrain It seems like a good compromise so the dog isn’t going toilet over the rest of the shared area, which the rest of the residents would prefer.

But OP doesn’t own it for her private use, the other residents own the garden too she’s doesn’t get to just make a claim over it because she doesn’t want to consider other people when she uses it.

The op has permission and it really doesn't matter what someone else thinks especially if they don't own or live there. If it was me or my partner we would have told her to fuck off and mind her own business. The op isn't in the wrong you can't pander to bullies.

Zoreos · 26/09/2023 18:16

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anon12345anon · 26/09/2023 18:16

Genuinely confused..... absolutely a service dog should be able to use a communal garden - but the thing that confuses me, do people not realise foxes, badgers, etc use communal gardens??

Very odd ..... OP I'm a 1000000% with you.... the rest of the people who think you are bu need to get a life 👍