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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying neighbour to the police?

349 replies

L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 13:53

I am considering reporting my neighbour to the police..

I never thought my life was interesting enough to warrant a post on AIBU but things have changed - here we go!

I recently purchased a ground floor flat in a block of 9 flats. We all share a communal garden but only myself and the next door flat have direct access via patio doors.

I have a registered Hearing Dog for the Deaf (I am profoundly deaf). I've had this dog for nearly a year and previously lived in a rented flat with a small balcony. Now that we have a massive garden, my dog is absolutely loving it and enjoys running around and playing in it (fully supervised).

Most of my new neighbours have been fantastic and very understanding of the dog and welcome his cuddles! However, our direct neighbours (who also have direct access to the garden) have been really difficult. It is a male and female living in the flat - the male is ok-ish, but the female is much worse.

It all came to blows the other day where I had my in-laws over for the weekend. I took the dog out in the garden in the morning so he could go to the toilet. I wasn't anywhere near the neighbour's patio doors or windows - more towards the back end of the garden (approx 10m?), and she flung open her window and started shouting at me!!

I then approached the window and asked her what she was saying. She was shouting and saying 'your dog cannot use the garden as a toilet', over and over. She started saying some other things but I couldn't lip-read her well so I asked her to repeat it and she slammed the window and rolled her eyes at me. I took the dog back indoors and, after discussing with my husband and in-laws, I went round to their door and knocked on it. I asked if I could clarify what the problem was with the lady.

The male invited me in and the lady just started ranting at me. She repeated what she was saying earlier and said 'you have LEGS, you can WALK to the road and toilet him there'. I tried to explain that he is a service dog and that we already had confirmation from the building's management company that he can use the garden. She then started to mimic my voice and said 'UnFoRtUnAtLeY He Is a HeArInG dOg" and kept going on and on, raising her voice and becoming angrier and angrier. She kept saying it didn't matter that he was a service dog, he is still a DOG!! and he must go to the toilet in the road??? After about 5 minutes of going around in circles, I said 'I'm going to leave before this escalates' and the male let me out and gave me a quick apology.

I ended up back in my flat absolutely shaking with adrenaline/fear/anxiety. I've decided to only let the dog toilet in a specific part of the garden (gap in bushes directly opposite my door) to reduce his impact on the garden. Once he has done his business, he is free to run around and play. I don't have to do this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and will hopefully reduce the likelihood of being screamed at again...

Since the weekend, she has been banging on windows and waving at myself and my husband to get our attention but we've been ignoring her - I'm starting to get more and more anxious to go out in the garden and it's having an impact on my dog as well.

Would I be unreasonable to report this to the police?

OP posts:
CoffeeandCheesecake · 26/09/2023 18:17

Passepartoute · 26/09/2023 18:12

It's hilarious how many people are utterly horrified by the thought of a dog peeing in one place in a communal garden. Do you imagine that birds, mice, rats, squirrels, foxes etc all considerately take themselves to animal toilets or something?

Exactly 😂

Original poster
L3gohouse · 26/09/2023 18:18

UPDATE:

I just spoke with the management company to discuss the issue. They've confirmed the dog is free to use the garden as it needs to. There is NO clause in the lease or ownership documents in relation to pets.

The "neighbour" in question is under investigation already...

And they've encouraged us to report to the police if it happens again.

But for those of you who completely disregarded my question in my initial post which was asking if I should report my abelist "neighbour" to the police and started blaming me for her actions - I sincerely hope you never experience a disability or limiting condition that means you have to rely on a DOG. A freaking DOG.

But anyway, thank you for all the comments (both positive and negative).

The dog is walked at least twice a day. Shit is picked up straightaway. He pees in a certain area of the garden where grass doesn't grow, and will eventually learn to also poop there once he gets the idea. He doesn't jump up at strangers, he is allowed strokes and cuddles WITH PERMISSION.

Most of all, he is my literal, lifesaving, FULLY ACCREDITED service dog.

I won't be posting or responding anymore from now on...

OP posts:
CoffeeandCheesecake · 26/09/2023 18:20

Glad to see your update OP, and that the management company have taken the situation seriously.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:22

Lifeomars · 26/09/2023 17:31

Her behaviour and attitude towards you is unacceptable.She should not have gone in with all guns blazing and mocking you is vile. However, I would not want a dog using a communal garden as a toilet, unless you are constantly clearing up the solid mess and sluicing down the wee it is going to really stink as well as being a health risk

Cats shit and piss where they want and so do foxes. Is it more of a risk when a dog does it????

Zoreos · 26/09/2023 18:23

Wonderful news OP. I’m glad it was dealt with using the respect and common decency that was owed to you. It’s good to see that there are still some caring, supportive people left in the world. It’s a shame the majority don’t often frequent the mumsnet AIBU section.

MillenialAvocado · 26/09/2023 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This. Completely this. Some of the comments on here are despicable, even for Mumsnet standards.

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:24

CaroleSinger · 26/09/2023 18:13

I'm disabled. I have a dog. I'm just not convinced there's an absolute need for a service dog to toilet in a communal garden when there are other places available outside of the shared garden. It seems to be creating an issue where there wasn't one if you have a grass verge outside your flat you could just as easily use.

Show quote history

Well said and @LaurieFairyCake I've not heard any disablist hatred, I would like to see these quote specifics. All I've heard is people's opinions on communal gardens and dog crap, some of which is obviously negative. I am sure it was not the OP's intention to be treated any differently to anyone else, with or without a disability. No one wants to be pandered to or patronised like that.

MillenialAvocado · 26/09/2023 18:25

Just seen the update, fantastic news OP

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:25

Well done op

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:28

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:24

Well said and @LaurieFairyCake I've not heard any disablist hatred, I would like to see these quote specifics. All I've heard is people's opinions on communal gardens and dog crap, some of which is obviously negative. I am sure it was not the OP's intention to be treated any differently to anyone else, with or without a disability. No one wants to be pandered to or patronised like that.

Show quote history

That wasn't her question she wanted to know whether should report her abusive neighbours girlfriend that's it. The rest is none of your business she has permission.

Dumbles · 26/09/2023 18:29

I am still laughing at the responses here.

Do you guys eat vegetables? You know they grow in soil… which is made up of organisms and compost? Are insects ok? How about a bit of manure?

What happens about eggs? They literally come out of chickens asses.

Get a grip.

BIossomtoes · 26/09/2023 18:30

Excellent update. And very well said @LaurieFairyCake. Some of the posts on this thread are a disgrace.

PickledFox · 26/09/2023 18:31

Yes report it. This is quite possibly a hate crime

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:31

CaroleSinger · 26/09/2023 18:13

I'm disabled. I have a dog. I'm just not convinced there's an absolute need for a service dog to toilet in a communal garden when there are other places available outside of the shared garden. It seems to be creating an issue where there wasn't one if you have a grass verge outside your flat you could just as easily use.

Show quote history

Op works at home for a living and she already has permission.

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:34

Carpediemmakeitcount · 26/09/2023 18:28

That wasn't her question she wanted to know whether should report her abusive neighbours girlfriend that's it. The rest is none of your business she has permission.

Show quote history

Ahh sorry I thought this was an open discussion about the points raised in her OP.

Maybe we should all just limit our answers to yes or no, with our heads lowered in future. Oh and BTW if this was the case then you have strayed waaay off topic.

PhilomenaFunbags · 26/09/2023 18:35

@Ashbb your comments have literally made me laugh out loud! Of course dogs need to wee more than 3 times per day!!

Tell me you've never owned a dog without telling me 😂😂🤣🤣 I have retrievers, they pee much more then 3 times a day! 🙄🙄

@L3gohouse you've done nothing wrong. She was rude and discriminatory. Tell her partner who is the resident to direct anything to the managing factor and if she persists with the banging on windows say you'll be reporting her! As the non resident tenant hopefully he tells her to wind her neck in!

Issummernearlyover · 26/09/2023 18:35

SealHouse · 26/09/2023 17:07

Where I live the owner's management company (OMC) of an apartment complex is usually made up of the individual apartment owners and often a property management agent retained by the OMC to maintain common areas, collect management fees, manage the sinking fund etc. There may also be rules around dog ownership written into the leasehold agreements. For example, dog ownership may be allowed provided the animal does not cause a nuisance to other residents. If this lady is an owner she could raise this issue at the next OMC meeting. Alternatively if she is a tenant her landlord may raise it on her behalf.
I would not be happy either and if I were her I would be raising it as an issue at the next meeting of the OMC. In my opinion dogs off-leash in common/shared areas is unacceptable, and toileting a dog in a shared garden is off-the-scale entitlement, service dog or not.

(edited for spelling)

Edited

She has her own flat. This is her boyfriend's.

Coldbrewnumber2 · 26/09/2023 18:36

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:18

Swear to god, OP, don’t listen to the people here who have zero idea how dogs work.

Panic attack over a dog cuddle 😂😂😂 give me fucking strength.

First up, it’s a communal garden and you have permission to allow your dog to use it. Good luck to anyone trying to stop a dog peeing outside where they’re meant to fucking pee.

so long as you scoop up any poo, and bin it, you’re good. You’re not being unreasonable to use the garden as you’re allowed to do.

Believe it or not, not everyone likes dogs, or want other peoples dogs to approach them for a ‘cuddle’.
There are many people who are afraid of approaching dogs - it is a perfectly valid fear.
Your comment is ignorant.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 26/09/2023 18:38

Crikey I've missed one hell of a crazy afternoon on here!

Do all the people kicking off about dog piss not realise there are a whole host of animals using their lawn as a latrine the second their backs are turned - cats, foxes, hedgehogs, squirrel, badgers (if your lucky), rats (if your not so lucky), birds, mice and that's just off the top of my head...

Oldtigernidster · 26/09/2023 18:39

CleverLilViper · 26/09/2023 14:18

Swear to god, OP, don’t listen to the people here who have zero idea how dogs work.

Panic attack over a dog cuddle 😂😂😂 give me fucking strength.

First up, it’s a communal garden and you have permission to allow your dog to use it. Good luck to anyone trying to stop a dog peeing outside where they’re meant to fucking pee.

so long as you scoop up any poo, and bin it, you’re good. You’re not being unreasonable to use the garden as you’re allowed to do.

This. you sound like a responsible dog owner to me.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 26/09/2023 18:41

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:24

Well said and @LaurieFairyCake I've not heard any disablist hatred, I would like to see these quote specifics. All I've heard is people's opinions on communal gardens and dog crap, some of which is obviously negative. I am sure it was not the OP's intention to be treated any differently to anyone else, with or without a disability. No one wants to be pandered to or patronised like that.

Show quote history

How very convenient your post is in dismissing the ableist and blasé comments.

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:50

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 26/09/2023 18:41

How very convenient your post is in dismissing the ableist and blasé comments.

Show quote history

Let's see them then please.

andthat · 26/09/2023 18:50

@L3gohouse Lose your temper,
lose the argument.

OP for as long as she is behaving as unreasonably as she is I would not give her the time of day.

Dont tie yourself up in knots to be reasonable to someone who doesn’t afford it to you in return.

Carry on as you are and resolutely ignore her…and yes of course, if she continues to rant and rave then report it.

HAF1119 · 26/09/2023 18:51

You're not unreasonable at all, you're doing your best to minimise impact on others. Some people have no tolerance or understanding of of others lives, needs or just a bit of humanity.

I could understand a home owner (not a visitor) who had issue with a non service dog using a shared garden, a service dog with someone who WFH? Of course you need to use it outside of walks. You have no choice but to have the dog, and can't go on frequent longer breaks to walk the dog. Outside of working hours I'd avoid using the garden and would try to walk more where possible if you wanted to show willing, but I doubt they'd even notice you making that effort as she's obviously going to lion if you use the garden ever for the dog. So more likely I'd just ignore here and carry on as normal, report if it escalates

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 26/09/2023 18:53

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 18:50

Let's see them then please.

Show quote history

Look at the posts dismissing the OP's disability. They are there, you can see them for yourself, if you are bothered to look. The only patronising I see going on, is from you.