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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you enjoy life?

165 replies

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 22:45

I'll start by saying that I really don't.
I'm about five mins away from a breakdown and I can't really find anything to enjoy apart from my children.
I'm massively in debt, think about half a million, this includes my mortgage.
I feel like the world is against me, it's not of course, it can't be arsed I'm sure but I feel like I'm walking through quick sand.
Every day I wake up and lie in bed for five mins wondering why I've woken up.

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

OP posts:
productofspain · 25/09/2023 22:52

I do not enjoy life

rainyday32 · 25/09/2023 22:54

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
Do you have someone you can share these thoughts with?

Debt can be a massive weight and worry. Can you reduce your debt at all?

Life can be tough but I find just really simple things can be what makes life amazing.

Seeing your children develop and achieve new things.
Baking - simple things that don't cost much...
But most of all...walking- finding new areas to walk that are a short drive or near to us...
Walking and just being in nature can really lift your mood...
Oh and a warm cuppa watching children drawing and chatting together...
Decluttering my home and selling things and making a money jar ...

I'm sure this won't help your debt problems but try to do revive that life is good. You can change things.
Start with something really small...

strawberryandcreams · 25/09/2023 22:55

A bit dramatic to use your mortgage as debt. I'm 300k in debt then.
It sounds like you're suffering from depression.
I really do enjoy my life.
I am an anxiety sufferer. I find aspects hard but only being in my brain and overthinking. 90% is great

productofspain · 25/09/2023 22:55

Sorry, that was not very helpful.

If you have a large mortgage then maybe you have a nice house and a good job?

I met a dog today who was very friendly. I listened to dc laughing. They say you should try to be grateful for small things, don’t they?

but I find life joyless as a whole. I have failed at most things. And I am always failing. I long for a rest but I can’t afford to take time off so I just fail a bit more at work and at home. It’s humiliating.

BananaSlug · 25/09/2023 22:55

No not at all.

alwaysscared · 25/09/2023 22:58

No

pavillion1 · 25/09/2023 23:00

No i dont either .

PandaExpress · 25/09/2023 23:02

That's really rough. You shouldn't have to feel this way.
I do enjoy life. I really do.
I have hard days like most. It helps that my husband is my best friend, so we each hold the other one up if we are feeling overwhelmed by life's problems. We hug each other a lot. I find hugs with him and hugs with my children the most uplifting thing. Hugs and being silly/laughing as much as possible. Projects that I want to finish and feel a sense of accomplishment over. Even if it's just a painting or drawing. Or sorting and decorating a room. It's over simplifying it, but find a little hobby that brings you joy.
I would go and speak to your GP too as the feelings you are describing are beyond the norm. Ask for help. Hope you feel better soon.

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 25/09/2023 23:03

Yes, I love all if it: the good, the not so good and the downright bizarre 😚

Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:03

@strawberryandcreams not that dramatic really considering my home is being repossessed and selling it won't clear the mortgage but cheers love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:06

@PandaExpress I have loads in my life. I have lovely children, a lovely partner a goid job. I enjoy playing my piano and I recently finished decorating my sitting room only to come home today and discover there's a leak somewhere upstairs and a lovely black patch on my ceiling.

I don't think I'm depressed m, I just can't see the point in the hamster wheel of work, bills. It's just so soul destroying and pointless to me.

OP posts:
Unicorn2022 · 25/09/2023 23:10

No I don't enjoy life. The few nice bits of life are far outweighed by the relentless slog, heartache, stress and constant problems.

smilesup · 25/09/2023 23:10

On the face of it I am a proper loser in life. No money, a physical and a mental disability, children with SEN, lots of debt. I realised quite young that my life would be a bit of a slog because if the health shite.
a friend is mine aged 19 grabbed me very hard on the shoulders (I remember well as it hurt!) And told me to get over any self pittying to accept my life would be tough but to enjoy the little bits of joy. At the time I wanted to slap his self righteous fucking face. And definitely called him a cunt. However over the years he has been proved right.
i started small. Looking at the birds in the garden, seeing a nice cloud, enjoying a tree (fucking weirdo tree hugging twat I said but loved it), seeing blossom from underneath, happy my annoying child had given me an uninvited hug.
It has been the little things that have made my life bearable and dare I say enjoyable. I've been chronically ill since 1995 but have chosen to enjoy the bits I can, wallow in self-pity every few weeks for about 15 minutes of pure self pittying hell and then giving myself a slap.
I know not everyone can make themselves feel better like this but I managed it through little steps. Learning yoga Nidra and mindfulness, forcing myself to find some good in the bad, cutting out anyone in my life that made me feel bad at all.
OP I hope you find a solution. There is one but you have to keep fighting to find one. I'm so glad I did and so are my children. If I had gone down another road I now realise I would have destroyed their little hearts.

PandaExpress · 25/09/2023 23:11

I don't know. Saying you don't see the point of life, considering it sounds like you've got a lot to be happy about and live for, does sounds a bit like depression to me.

DuckinEl · 25/09/2023 23:14

I think the majority of the time I do enjoy life. I have days where I struggle like anyone. I take anxiety meds and have alot of fears for the future. My DD (12) is now palliative and if I think too much about it it scares me and I don't want to be here without her. It breaks me somedays. But most days are spent with laughter and happiness.

DynamicK · 25/09/2023 23:16

Financial issues can be a huge black cloud hanging over everything.

Hang in there op. You have a good partner and wonderful children and a job.

You'll get through this.

Redlarge · 25/09/2023 23:19

No. My life is work and worry. I dont go out if its not for work or the supermarket. I am constantly worried about money and the impact on my kids. I just exist. Every day is the same. Sometimes i can't bear the thought of waking up and doing it again.

KnowledgeableMomma · 25/09/2023 23:26

I do not enjoy life. I work 2 jobs, am a single parent, take care of my mother, and live below the poverty line. Our house is falling apart and if one of us gets sick or injured, I have no money to fix us (in USA). Every single second is full of worry and discomfort (can't keep the heat on long enough to get warm or AC on long enough to cool off as they are too expensive, can't afford medicine). So, no, you are not alone.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 25/09/2023 23:27

Yes I do, but I doubt my writing about our hobbies, achievements and my love of nurturing the allotment will help you feel any better.

im sorry you are struggling so much. What support are you getting?

Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:28

@ChannelyourinnerElsa I'm not struggling m, I J st can't see the point.
People expect me to be depressed but I'm not. I live an active life, I have hobbies. I just can't see the point of it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:31

@ChannelyourinnerElsa of course you can tell me about the things you love doing. I'd actually love an allotment. I had a lovely garden and enjoy gardening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:33

@Redlarge I feel the same. I'm at my desk again in 8 hours, it's all so pointless. Working hard to pay bills, crazy really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:34

@DuckinEl I am so, so sorry to hear about your daughter xx

OP posts:
EnoughNow2023 · 25/09/2023 23:39

@Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy I hear you.
Sometimes it just all feels absolutely pointless.
On paper I have the best life, great house, great job, amazing husband, beautiful kids.
The reality is my husband has a terminal illness. All that I thought we were working for becomes pretty meaningless though that lense. The house is too big too keep on top of and the job takes so much time and energy I'm in a constant cycle of wake, school run, work, eat, sleep, repeat.
Really what is the point? If I didn't think it would wreck the kids more after their dad's upcoming death I'd sell up and move to the other side of the world to live a much simpler life

GreyBlackBay · 25/09/2023 23:40

I'm not sure enjoy is the right word. I am he really content, there are good things in my life and there are challenges.

You say you don't see the point. Everyone values different things. It can be a career, raising a family, serving your community, spending every spare second on your hobby.

What would your life look like if you did see the point? And how can you get there?