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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you enjoy life?

165 replies

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 22:45

I'll start by saying that I really don't.
I'm about five mins away from a breakdown and I can't really find anything to enjoy apart from my children.
I'm massively in debt, think about half a million, this includes my mortgage.
I feel like the world is against me, it's not of course, it can't be arsed I'm sure but I feel like I'm walking through quick sand.
Every day I wake up and lie in bed for five mins wondering why I've woken up.

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

OP posts:
Loomy · 26/09/2023 21:37

OP you are clearly depressed. You might not think you are but that’s the thing with mental health, you don’t always recognise it like you think you would.
Go and see your GP, get some tablets and see if it helps in a couple months.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 26/09/2023 21:41

@Loomy ok Dr I'll get right on to it. Been there done that, not depressed. What does depression even look like. I won't win the depression debate.

The last few years have been the best of my life.

OP posts:
Loomy · 26/09/2023 21:45

Thanks, I didn’t get my medical degree from a box of coco pops but when you day been there done that, what do you mean? You took anti-depressants recently for the past year?

Wiccan · 26/09/2023 21:55

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 26/09/2023 21:41

@Loomy ok Dr I'll get right on to it. Been there done that, not depressed. What does depression even look like. I won't win the depression debate.

The last few years have been the best of my life.

So what is the point of your thread then ?.

Dayhee · 26/09/2023 22:21

I find it ok. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s the Citalopram though. Just numbs the feelings generally.

JaneyGee · 26/09/2023 23:22

Not really. I do enjoy bits of it. At the weekend, for example, I went to the National Gallery. Just wandering from room to room absorbing all that beauty made me happy. And I have odd little moments of happiness (eating a bar of chocolate, reading Agatha Christie or P. G. Wodehouse, etc).

But the vast majority of life is shit. I worry about my ageing mother and dread losing her. I live on a giant housing estate with far too many people on top of me, and am constantly woken up by the screeching and exploding of boy racer cars. The traffic is unbearable, and it takes me forever to get anywhere. Even driving to Tesco is an ordeal. I hate living in the south east - too many people, too many cars, and too much noise. In fact, it’s so crowded I almost feel imprisoned in my house.

My job is stressful and low status. I long for a creative outlet, but have zero talent (can’t paint, can’t write, can’t do anything). I’m also full of regret at the life I’ve lived. My youth was pretty much destroyed by mental illness. It stopped me doing things, and I fell way behind my peers. As a consequence, I have nothing to say when others boast about travelling the world, or working in Japan, or going to Oxford, or whatever.

I dread the future. I dread climate change, overpopulation, mass migration, new pandemics, etc. And I dread my personal future (watching my mother die, facing old age and illness alone). My adolescence and youth were horrible, so I have no nostalgia or happy memories to keep me warm. Neither do I have any religious faith. Life is just a meaningless, pointless struggle. And your reward for all that struggle is old age, followed by a ghastly, painful death. If I could just disappear, poof, like that, I would. It genuinely baffles me when people have children. Why bring more suffering into the world?

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 26/09/2023 23:55

@JaneyGee I have those little moments of happiness too. Trouble is they're so little they can be easily missed can't they.

Do you have siblings that will be there when your mum needs more support?

I've also thought about just going in a puff of smoke or taking myself off to Switzerland and saying that's it I'm done. I can't say these things though as I get labelled as depressed.

I can't say I've lived in Japan either but I have lived in the middle east, sounds grand to some but it was a nightmare.

What creative things would you like to do? I'm not creative at all but I could sit at my piano for hours and this is something I really enjoy.

Life for the vast majority of people is work, sleep, repeat with very little reward isn't it.

OP posts:
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 26/09/2023 23:57

@Loomy I don't take anti depressants because I don't need them. You must put this notion to bed.

OP posts:
KnitFastDieWarm · 27/09/2023 00:20

I have autism, ADHD, and depression. I’m getting divorced after an emotionally abusive marriage. I’m currently having issues at work. I constantly wonder if i could have been ‘more successful’. I’m fat. I don’t make much money. I worry about losing my job and my home. And yet, I love life. I’ve been suicidal in the past (decades ago now) I am always so very, very glad i stuck around.

My philosophy (broadly grounded in stoicism) is that there is no point to life. So nothing we do matters on a macro level; but everything we do matters on a micro level. So i try not to worry about work or illness or the fate of the world, because ultimately it doesn’t matter. And I do my best to make people smile every day, to appreciate the birds outside my window, to enjoy a good joke or the first sip of coffee in the morning, because these moments are the only things that do matter.

’When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.’ (marcus aurelius)

Rakszasa · 27/09/2023 00:50

I don't think you're depressed, you sound like a nihilist.
I think I am one too, I don't believe there is a point in anything, and nothing matters in general. We are just a dust in this moment of time, and at some point we won't be.
It doesn't mean we don't enjoy bits of it, some days, our kids, moments etc.

picsssodreams · 27/09/2023 00:56

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 26/09/2023 23:57

@Loomy I don't take anti depressants because I don't need them. You must put this notion to bed.

I don't think you're depressed sweetie. Having your house repossessed is a massive life changing event. It's the worst thing that can happen and no drug is going to fix this. You're probably all overwhelmed right now but there's probably some good advice on here if and when you're ready. Sending you love and good wishes ❤️xx

givemeasunnyday · 27/09/2023 01:12

I dread the future. I dread climate change, overpopulation, mass migration, new pandemics, etc. And I dread my personal future (watching my mother die, facing old age and illness alone). My adolescence and youth were horrible, so I have no nostalgia or happy memories to keep me warm. Neither do I have any religious faith. Life is just a meaningless, pointless struggle. And your reward for all that struggle is old age, followed by a ghastly, painful death. If I could just disappear, poof, like that, I would. It genuinely baffles me when people have children. Why bring more suffering into the world?

I find it sad that you feel like that, but honestly, people have been dreading something in the future for a long time - there have always been awful things happening somewhere, and people have always stuggled.

I lost my mother three years ago, my father this year. I have no children, no siblings, no close family so I am facing old age alone at some stage (I'm 64). In the last three years I have lost four of my five cats, two in the last three months (one just last weekend). Oh, and I live in a country where we are expecting "the big one" (earthquake) at some stage in the future. In spite of all that I enjoy life and try to stay positive. There are times, in the dead of night, when I worry how my old age is going to pan out, but mostly I just live for today and make the most of what I have. Finding joy in life is the point of it as far as I am concerned. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I am healthy and can pay my bills, and keep a (rented) roof over my head. Anything else is a bonus.

BambamD · 27/09/2023 01:40

It’s so sad reading all of these comments about people not enjoying life.
I love life and grateful everyday that I’m here to do so.
I’ve had sad times in the past and my major turnaround was divorcing my husband and leaving my job to go self employed. I work really hard but I’m in control, I have freedom and most of all I have my children and my health.

If life is that bad take a leap of faith you never know it could turn everything around.

NW1738 · 27/09/2023 03:31

Sorry to interrupt the pity party again, but can we get detailed figures on the whole financial situation?

“I came home today to a letter that my mortgage is going up again. I bought my first house at 19, this is my third mortgage. Worked my balls off and for what. I'll never pay off this mortgage whilst I'm living here. What was it all for.”

Can you shed light on how you are in negative equity right now? Because it really doesn’t add up to me.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 06:45

My mum remembered feeling utterly hopeless and pointless around age 8, lying in bed at night wanting not to wake up in the morning.

She had profound depression and other mental health struggles, all her life, and eventually took her own life at 60.

Don't discount the idea of depression because it's your "normal"; you don't know how good you might be able to feel, how the clouds might lift, even in this difficult part of your life, with appropriate diagnosis and treatment. I was (naturally) very depressed after my mum died; after a year and a half of it I took some antidepressants and even though life at that time was incredibly difficult, I was completely exhilarated to wake up NOT feeling that weight in my heart, NOT to always be numb or on the edge of tears, to be able to think and do and plan without that undertow of "why bother?" dragging at me all the time. I really would consider exploring the options; I mean if there's no point, there's no harm either is there?

Oh, and as for "what's the point?", there is nothing paltry or pathetic about living for your children. Loving them, being there for them to love you, living to see your grandchildren be born and grow up. There's a huge, huge point in that. For millennia, before modern civilization and the enormous array of choices and possibilities we are now faced with, it was the ONLY point for the vast majority of humanity. It is not trivial.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 07:43

NW1738 · 27/09/2023 03:31

Sorry to interrupt the pity party again, but can we get detailed figures on the whole financial situation?

“I came home today to a letter that my mortgage is going up again. I bought my first house at 19, this is my third mortgage. Worked my balls off and for what. I'll never pay off this mortgage whilst I'm living here. What was it all for.”

Can you shed light on how you are in negative equity right now? Because it really doesn’t add up to me.

Why are you being so unpleasant?

NW1738 · 27/09/2023 08:02

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 07:43

Why are you being so unpleasant?

Because I think if people knew OPs financial situation, which she is bemoaning profusely, I think they’d have different advice for her at best, or perhaps be offended, at worst.

OBVIOUSLY MONEY ISNT EVERYTHING.

But OP also shouts down anyone who says she might be depressed, so at this point, I’m starting to feel offended by the whole thing.

Gnomegnomegnome · 27/09/2023 08:18

I didn’t used to enjoy life, I used to just go through the motions. Same shit different day or whatever the saying is.
Then I got seriously attacked and came really close to ending my life.
Now (after lots of therapy but also mostly just time) I enjoy life. I enjoy the mundane and I enjoy trying new things amongst the bits that have to be done. I moved house, changed jobs, made new friends (a lot of old friends were scared of what had happened and how to talk to me so just didn’t bother) and got new hobbies to make me mentally and physically stronger.

BardRelic · 27/09/2023 08:26

I think it's interesting that the OP hasn't answered the question of whether or not her mindset is healthy.

I get the argument against depression. I don't see the point of drugging people to cope with circumstances when really we should be changing the circumstances, not drugging people to cope with them. But I also think there's something quite unhealthy about being joyless and five mins away from a breakdown. I worked really hard to change my mindset so that although things do get me down - and the situation in the UK at the moment would depress any rational person - I also have a balanced outlook.

I might hide this thread in a bit. One secret to feeling some joy in life is to be around positive people and this thread really isn't that.

Nannyfannybanny · 27/09/2023 08:58

The weird thing is, people who appear to "have it all", actors,singers, the money,looks,so many of them,turn to drink,drugs,are depressed,end up killing themselves. Old saying "If you can't have what you like, like what you have". I have a son with rapid cycle bipolar,he tells me he feels anxious every minute of every day. He has been medicated in the past, said he would put up with the "lows" to feel the "highs" . He suffers with severe depression because of this,has no friends,finds life very hard. He told me about 10 years ago,if he od he doesn't want recus.I told him he would have to make a living will, and leave it nearby. He has now changed his mind. It's amazing what the human spirit is capable of. I met a guy in his early 20s,had a leg amputated below knee after an RTC on his motor bike. He then developed an infection in the bone,was in hospital months,gradual having more and more of his leg removed. He got himself an office job, then opened up his own software business. When I drove home after work in the morning, I used to see him running, and I mean running... not a gentle jog,he used to run for charity.

aPeachonaPineapplecan · 27/09/2023 11:36

Perhaps it is an existential crisis.
There is a wonderful quote by Nisgardatta Maharaj.
“There are always moments when one feels empty and estranged.
 Such moments are most desirable, 
for it means the soul has cast its moorings and is sailing for distant places."

Maddy70 · 27/09/2023 11:39

Yes I do. But I didn't for a long time. Having young children and then teenagers almost broke me

My children are adults now one still lives with me. Life is good , relationships are good. I have a huge circle of friends, I'm very busy , great job.

Hang in there. It gets better

InYourHeadZombieeeaeaeaea · 27/09/2023 11:58

Can people ease up with the depression?

Realising that living 2/3+ days of year for 40+years with
Wake up-get to work-get home-sort home-do bit of fun if time-sleep-repeat is not depression but just depressing reality.
There is no 8 hours work, 8 hours rest-8 hours sleep really.

I know what you mean OP. It's just like... Is this 50 years of my life🙄Great. And then I enjoy some retirement all tired and die. Yes. What is the point of all this.
Tbf I actively ork on having tonretire early and have some fun. Like fuck do I want to work to 68

Twenty One Pilots' Stressed Out perfectly illustrates the life and feeling...

InYourHeadZombieeeaeaeaea · 27/09/2023 12:00

Just to add, I am generally happy and positive person-every cloud and whatnot but it has recently dawned on me how fucked up all this is

TheShinmeister · 27/09/2023 12:04

After the menopause I was anxious about everything. Each morning dreading getting up and the day starting. Now I’m on citalopram and oestrogen cream and I’m like a different person. Hang in there but do ask your gp for help. It’s so worth it

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