Not really. I do enjoy bits of it. At the weekend, for example, I went to the National Gallery. Just wandering from room to room absorbing all that beauty made me happy. And I have odd little moments of happiness (eating a bar of chocolate, reading Agatha Christie or P. G. Wodehouse, etc).
But the vast majority of life is shit. I worry about my ageing mother and dread losing her. I live on a giant housing estate with far too many people on top of me, and am constantly woken up by the screeching and exploding of boy racer cars. The traffic is unbearable, and it takes me forever to get anywhere. Even driving to Tesco is an ordeal. I hate living in the south east - too many people, too many cars, and too much noise. In fact, it’s so crowded I almost feel imprisoned in my house.
My job is stressful and low status. I long for a creative outlet, but have zero talent (can’t paint, can’t write, can’t do anything). I’m also full of regret at the life I’ve lived. My youth was pretty much destroyed by mental illness. It stopped me doing things, and I fell way behind my peers. As a consequence, I have nothing to say when others boast about travelling the world, or working in Japan, or going to Oxford, or whatever.
I dread the future. I dread climate change, overpopulation, mass migration, new pandemics, etc. And I dread my personal future (watching my mother die, facing old age and illness alone). My adolescence and youth were horrible, so I have no nostalgia or happy memories to keep me warm. Neither do I have any religious faith. Life is just a meaningless, pointless struggle. And your reward for all that struggle is old age, followed by a ghastly, painful death. If I could just disappear, poof, like that, I would. It genuinely baffles me when people have children. Why bring more suffering into the world?