To ask if you enjoy life?

[Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy]

I'll start by saying that I really don't.
I'm about five mins away from a breakdown and I can't really find anything to enjoy apart from my children.
I'm massively in debt, think about half a million, this includes my mortgage.
I feel like the world is against me, it's not of course, it can't be arsed I'm sure but I feel like I'm walking through quick sand.
Every day I wake up and lie in bed for five mins wondering why I've woken up.

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

I do. I enjoy Life, my 2 daughters, pets and job. I worry when they leave home I won't enjoy life as much unless someone comes into my life.
I enjoy little things about life but sometimes don't enjoy the mundanity of it, the endless cycle of washing, cooking and cleaning.
I'm also in early days of grieving which makes my life hard and not enjoyable at times.

I don't think there's any point to my life. I am one of billions of humans that have existed during the lifespan of this earth, and I am not special in any way. A few years after my death, I won't be talked about or remembered.

My life isn't anything special. I'm not popular, I don't even own a home and I have to deal with a relative's addiction.

However! I am happy. I enjoy the simple fact being alive. I hold on tight to my small circle of loved ones, and try to spend as much time as possible doing nice things with them. Or simply chatting shit on the phone.

I read a lot of history. I'm really, honestly grateful to have running water, a boiler and a fridge full of food.

Every day, I enjoy what my senses serve me. I love my morning coffee walk, looking at the trees changing and saying hello to people. I get dressed up each morning, because why not. I try to cook something delicious every day. I like doing the washing up and joking around with my partner.

I am self-employed doing something I like, so maybe that helps. And maybe I have a really good chemical balance in my brain? I do eat, sleep and exercise well, and rarely drink. My addict relative, mentioned above, is deeply unhappy and has no gratitude for anything. I guess her perception of the world is very different to mine.

In the main, usually I do. I have some healthy problems at the moment, some serious. I've been made homeless several times through no fault of mine. My ex H tried to kill me, scarpered leaving me with mortgages I couldn't pay. We lived in a couple of rooms,shared bathroom and toilet,then a caravan,( a cold metal box,not a park home) for 5 years. I often had 4 jobs just to keep a roof over our heads. When I was nursing,saw young people dying, I was humbled and greatful for my lot. My DLM used to say "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I must be a female Goliath!!

@PandaExpress I loved your response. I'm similar. Lucky that my DH is also my best friend. Humour also goes a long way!
Honestly sometimes you just have to be silly and laugh. I'm like that with my DC. See the lighter things in life x

Honestly? I don't enjoy life either. I get by the best I can.

For me, I've never known why I feel this way but always have. No debts (beyond mortgage which I don't really see as a debt as we have equity), supportive partner, wonderful children, "good job" and close wider family.

I feel socially awkward a lot of the time. Never had any hobbies as such. I feel like I don't have the 'happy' gene. I have the 'ok' one.

If I could choose to re-live my life, I'd rather not. But I don't want anyone else's life either.

Yes, I do. I like spending time with DS. I like spending time with my friends. I like travelling, nature and reading.

I feel like I have quite a stress free life which probably helps. I don't love my job but I don't hate it and don't mind doing it. My only child is 15 so I'm not tied to doing school runs and dashing around everywhere and he doesn't really give me any drama. I'm not wealthy, in fact I'm a low earner but I don't feel poor and I don't want a flashy lifestyle. I'm single so only have to think about myself and DS. I live in a small flat that doesn't require much maintenance and can be cleaned quickly. I don't have the stress of caring for relatives or anything. I have never suffered with my mental or physical health. Luck of the draw I suppose.

I think life being pointless (which is my view) doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it though, they’re two separate things. Sorry to hear your house is being repossessed and hope you have better days ahead.

Do you know what, I think life isn’t always enjoyable. I’m starting to think it’s not meant to be either. Let’s be realistic for a moment, there are so many stages throughout one persons lifetime, how can every stage be enjoyable? It can’t, that’s not realistic, and I’ve only just realised that recently. Life isn’t meant to be a constant of joy, happiness and fulfilment, one after the other. I think social media has taken us away from reality and made us bribe life is like a fantasy, it makes us think everyone else is always happy and having adventures, so if I’m not that means my life is shit. People don’t post about shit on social media. We’ve fooled ourselves and fooled each other into what life SHOULD be, when it’s an unrealistic achievement. Even the rich are not happy all the time.

You should speak to your doctor, just because you don’t think you’re depressed doesn’t mean you are not. Life is hard for you right now and seeking help can’t hurt.

Mortgage is a debt, but also not seen that way ( although now I’m thinking about it…why not?) but it isn’t, so don’t get worked up on mortgage debt. Seems like the problem is your house is being repossessed, that sounds like the problem. What can you do, if anything, to avoid this?

Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful with that comment?

Overall - yes I enjoy life although it has its difficult moments. There are many things that bring joy and while the monotony and boredom of day to day can grind you down - when times get tough - the routine helps me to centre myself. That mortgage does sound horrendous and like a millstone - could you downsize/move area? How do you think you’d feel if your mortgage was more manageable?

I feel the same as you.

I had a break down about 2 weeks ago and currently under the care of the Mental Health Crisis team. Every day is a struggle and I feel constant anxiety and fear. Also related to a house that is falling apart (like you I had a leak last week: toilet leaked into the ceiling below...). I see no way out...

Also I am middle aged and I just think if this is going to be my life from now on (a constant state of despair and poverty) then frankly what is the point?

I don't enjoy my job and I have very few friends and no relationship.

I could hear myself talking to the person who assessed me about my life at the crisis team and thinking ''what a loser...".

I have had so many thing to deal with in life: unhappy childhood, bullying, illness, sexual assault, long term health condition...it never stops.

At some point, you just literally lose the will to live.

No I hate life. I hate that DH and I both work full time but there’s not enough money to enjoy life. It’s just work, bills and the endless chore of housework. If it wasn’t for DS and my dog, I wouldn’t be here and that’s with anti depressants.

I do; because I've lost three of my sons and I owe it to them to carry on and try and enjoy what time I have left here.

Don't get me wrong I have bad days, everyone does but on those days if you get out of bed and at least try it's really a good day.

I enjoy my life in the main now, but previously I had a heroin addiction, abusive partners etc and undiagnosed ADHD. I literally had to flee the uk to get away from a complete psychopath, but now I have a lovely, caring husband, a very chill job that I can do anywhere, a nice home,good friends, a wonderful family etc. Things can get better but you do have to make decisions to do so. My only real issue now is menopause weight gain and arthritis. I hope things get better for you.

The Room of Ancient Keys
Elena Mikhalkova

Grandma once gave me a tip:
During difficult times,
you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future,
not even what might happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Take off the dust.
Write a letter.
Make some soup.
Do you see?
You are moving forward step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Get some rest.
Compliment yourself.
Take another step.
Then another one.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow
bigger and bigger.
And time will come
when you can think about the future
without crying.
Good morning.
hmich

Not really, it feels like a prison. Forced to wake up every day before I'm ready, forced to immediately get presentable, commute for an hour, go and do a job which is basically made-up and doesn't really serve much purpose aside from making someone big bucks, stuck there for financial reasons, get home and do the housework, watch tv because I'm too tired to do anything else, basically just counting down the next 30 odd years until retirement and wishing away my life.

Yeah the weekend is nice, but it's 2 days and then back to the usual crap. Days off/holidays are limited due to a basic amount of annual leave. Couple all that with the shit in the news, climate change and the cost of living crisis and I really do wonder why the human race bothers to be here.

Normalise her situation.

I think most people would feel down if their house was being repossessed. Presumably the first home they owned if they are in negative equity.

No, I do not enjoy the pointlessness of it all.

I try to enjoy the little things in life, as clichéd as it sounds but the past 9 years have nearly broken my spirit to keep going.

I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome in 2015, and a dreadful mental breakdown followed by a horrible adverse reaction to the side effects of an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety.

I wasn't ever told about the risk of side effects, and now consequently live with a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined. I try most days to be strong, appreciate the small things, and not be too self absorbed or pitying but I occasionally get a bad day and will wallow a lot. I'm pretty anxious now when taking any medication as I worry it could exacerbate my symptoms, and I've had horrible reactions to seemingly innocuous substances like an antifungal cream (Canesten), which I guess made my PTSD slightly worse.

My DH is sympathetic up to a point but be gets cross when I don't take things like paracetamol for a bad cold (like I could do now), and says that I wasted my parents' money on the pharmacogenetics test which can tell me what medication I can metabolise safely with supposedly no side effects.

Oh, I am sure it looks like I'm moaning about nothing, and I do appreciate all the things I have been blessed with, including my three beautiful children and my family/home.

I just look at the next 30 odd years, and in particular the menopause, and wonder how the hell I'm going to get through it all.😥🥺

Bless you, I totally understand what you have written about being in a constant state of despair and dealing with a lot of different things.

I think it's human nature to be dismissive of things people don't understand, and I've found a lot of people I know in real life have no idea what it is like to live with a weird neurological condition like the one I have. I tend to get a lot of support from online, especially in the Facebook support groups and communities, and I try to get inspiration from celebrities like Michael J Fox who have over 30 years of living with chronic pain and illness.

Sometimes we just need someone who can be there to listen and support us, and help us to see that there are reasons to carry on 💖

No. No friends, no partner (not particularly interested in finding one anymore), over 40 and moved in with elderly parents. Can’t move out as in my culture it’s expected that unmarried women stay at home.

Love that poem @Kirstyshine

Op, your mortgage is massive so you surely could downsize

Generally, I do, yes. I put a lot of importance on finding small things to make everyday life enjoyable. Getting outside whenever possible, especially to eat or even just have a coffee. Exercising in ways I enjoy. Making little changes around the house to make it nicer. Spending time with my cat. A quick exchange of messages with my brother usually makes me smile. I also defend my boundaries around how I spend my time without guilt or drama.

I wrote further up thread that I am very happy. I just remembered how deeply unhappy I was in my twenties. So I wanted to share something that helped me enormously. Maybe it looks like generic self-help bumpf to other people, I don't know. I don't generally go in for that stuff. But reading and re-reading this when I was at my lowest actually started to change my attitude and perception.

https://www.marcandangel.com/2014/08/17/25-things-to-remember-when-life-gets-rough/