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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you enjoy life?

165 replies

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 22:45

I'll start by saying that I really don't.
I'm about five mins away from a breakdown and I can't really find anything to enjoy apart from my children.
I'm massively in debt, think about half a million, this includes my mortgage.
I feel like the world is against me, it's not of course, it can't be arsed I'm sure but I feel like I'm walking through quick sand.
Every day I wake up and lie in bed for five mins wondering why I've woken up.

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

OP posts:
LeavesOnTrees · 25/09/2023 23:42

It's fine to think there's no point to it all. Accepting that can be a positive thing.

It sounds like you're going through a very hard time with your money worries and repossession. Have you got accommodation for after sorted ?

I find enjoying the little things helps and just making some room to do things for myself every now and then is important.

hopefulsandwich · 25/09/2023 23:42

I actually don’t think I know anyone who would say they “enjoy” life. I think most people would say, “it’s okay”, or “it has ups and downs”.

Maybe you’re at a point in life where you need to re-evaluate and figure out what gives you meaning or purpose. If work takes up the majority of your time and you hate it and it feels meaningless, then it’s probably not too much of a leap to say everything feels meaningless.

productofspain · 25/09/2023 23:50

@DuckinEl i am so sorry about your daughter
Flowers

Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:55

@LeavesOnTrees I'm not that worried to be honest because you've guessed it, it would be pointless. I don't have accommodation sorted as it could still be stopped hopefully. A crowd called MABS are negotiating with my mortgage company so I'll see what happens. If the housing crisis wasn't here the repossession wouldn't be a bad thing if I'm honest. My mortgage is currently 2700, my electricity bill is just over five hundred a month. Life is just relentless isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:59

@hopefulsandwich I have meaning and purpose but still u feel the same. I've felt like this since I was a child. I remember saying it to my mother and she said you find bits of happiness along the way and I have.

I've raised my children, they are the best thing I've ever done. Its the rest of it, the rat race. I like my job, it keeps me going through this life but .......

OP posts:
hopefulsandwich · 26/09/2023 00:08

Sounds like you need a hug and a break from all the pressure you’re experiencing, however temporary. Can you open up to your partner about how you’re struggling? Or a friend?

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 26/09/2023 00:23

No

RojoCarlottaValdez · 26/09/2023 00:51

I felt like that until I got off the awful hamster wheel of working for someone else. I was 46. I wish I had done it at 26.

By the standards of people here, I don't have much in material possessions, but my life is my own, my work is self-directed and every day is different. I honestly think most people in this country don't enjoy life: they are quietly miserable, just try to accumulate possessions to keep up with other people and get a "career" thinking it will make them happy. Most careers are not careers at all, just jobs. Good luck OP

ClareBlue · 26/09/2023 01:29

Buy a goat and life will be great

SittingHereInLimbo · 26/09/2023 02:04

@DuckinEl I am so sorry to hear about your DD. I can't imagine going on after something like that.

I don't enjoy life.

My DCs are adults and live very far away. I have been single for many years, and have few friends and crippling social anxiety, so even leaving the house is difficult, and there's very little chance of making new friends.

I hate being alone but have no one to be with. There are many things I'd like to do but I can't do them alone.

I'm close to retirement age after spending years in a job I didn't particularly enjoy and that didn't pay well, because the chances of success at what I wanted to do since I was a child are vanishingly small and even if you're successful you can't necessarily make a living from it.

So I don't know how I'll survive financially.

More importantly, I can't see how to find meaning in life.

FrontBackSides · 26/09/2023 02:14

I love life. Although I'm an old bird now, I'm still healthy and mobile with a lovely husband and kids.
As long as I've got all my faculties and a set of working limbs, I'll be happy.

Nowanextraone · 26/09/2023 03:20

Oh OP, I totally understand. I find most of life a real hard slog - working to make ends meet and not alot of reward for it. The cost of living crisis is making so many people so unhappy.
No wonder you feel so awful with your home being repossessed. You must be worried sick. I'm so sorry all this is happening to you.

I try and get pleasure from small things - taking my dog for a walk in the countryside, just me and her. Listening to my children reading, watching a funny clip on YouTube or being totally engrossed in a good book.

Things will get easier OP. X

Lastchancechica · 26/09/2023 06:16

You are working so hard every day and even with everything you have put in, it wasn’t enough and your house might be repossessed.

I am assuming you have already looked at every possible option so need a band hold whilst you weather this storm.

It will pass eventually, because everything does op. Don’t be afraid to get support. Counselling and speak to your GP. Charities that might be able to help, I am always amazed at the number of charities out there that can help in almost any life situation.

You will be okay op, this happened to my friend’s parents when we were young. A lot of heart break but they moved to a nice house, and felt lighter in the end without the debt.

MrsSpoon79 · 26/09/2023 07:17

Sadly I don't always enjoy life. I wish I could enjoy it more.

I have two children with SEN. With that comes a sadness and daily struggle in health and education systems that are stretched to their absolute limits. Organising their care and support is a part time job. In fact, I even paused on my career as a teacher in order to give my kids more support which saddened me as I found working gave me purpose.

However I spent 15 years gaslighting myself that I loved teaching. I did in many ways but it has burnt me out. What a tough job it was. I was often ill, depleted, sad, stressed, struggling....

My in laws have had a detrimental impact on my life and mental health. I only text them the odd reply these days and certainly don't visit them anymore. Leave it to my husband. They have been so unkind over the years.

Husband is a workaholic and can't sit down to relax, always doing something. But I love him and when things are good between us, they are very good. I look forward to our later years together when things calm down and we can enjoy more time together.

However we live in a nice home and have some helpful family nearby (we haven't always had this). I live in a peaceful village which I love, can support my husband to continue achieving in his career, support my children to the best of my abilities and have found a new pathway on which to build a new career (connected to education) which will be altogether calmer, much more flexible and on my terms.

There are moments of joy and happiness that get me through the slog and difficult times. Seeing one of my children starting to learn touch typing after years of being unable to write with a pen and paper brought me joy. I love my dog and the other pets we have had over the years, I love nature and wildlife. These things bring me joy.

NW1738 · 26/09/2023 07:22

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:03

@strawberryandcreams not that dramatic really considering my home is being repossessed and selling it won't clear the mortgage but cheers love.

It’s sounds like you made a bad financial decision. I can see how that would depress anyone.

WhatACluster · 26/09/2023 07:29

Can’t say I particularly enjoy it no!

I find the day to day life stuff is incredibly hard work and draining.

Wish I could but I don’t my situation will change anytime soon

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:32

I love my life, but I used to feel like you.

DH and I did a massive overhaul several years ago and it made so much difference.

HamstersAreMyLife · 26/09/2023 07:33

I have occasionally moments of joy but otherwise no, I don't enjoy my life

DonaNobisPacem · 26/09/2023 07:34

@DuckinEl I’m very sorry to read about your daughter.

I enjoy life very much. However I’m not sure I feel it has any point outside of itself. Just being alive is enough.

OP, I think money worries make everything harder. I hope things go better for you soon.

ACertainKindOfLight · 26/09/2023 07:42

There isn't any meaning, life just rolls on regardless and couldn't care less if your happy or not.
We think we have some sort of power and control over life, but it's only when adversity hits we realise bottom line it's just something to survive.
I think this unrealistic obsession with happiness only makes things worse.
Acceptence of "This is my life, what is the best thing l can do right now?"
Happiness like all other emotions is fleeting , enjoy it whilst it's there, but it's not a permanent state.

SallyWD · 26/09/2023 07:42

I'm so sad to read of these people not enjoying life and experiencing difficulties.
I do enjoy life very much. I suppose this is partly because life is good at the moment. We can pay the bills and we all have good health. I am very aware that this can all change in a heartbeat. But also because I've always got great pleasure from the smallest of things. Trying out a new body lotion, sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, going for a walk in the park. I think I'm lucky that small things make me so happy.
I have had really difficult times in my life which I think also makes me appreciate boring normality so much.

CateringPanic · 26/09/2023 07:50

@smilesup this is the way.

Me and DH are on a mission to find joy so that we aren’t living for the weekend.

  • A take away coffee on the way to work
  • A walk into town
  • Friday night on a Thursday (personal favourite)
  • Making time to exercise

it’s so easy to get bogged down in the grind - you have to find small things in the week that spark joy and focus on them.

I agree a mortgage doesn’t necessarily count as debt in the conventional sense - how much unsecured debt have you got?

Fallingthroughclouds · 26/09/2023 07:55

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:03

@strawberryandcreams not that dramatic really considering my home is being repossessed and selling it won't clear the mortgage but cheers love.

This is awful. What's your next move?

givemeasunnyday · 26/09/2023 07:55

I enjoy life. I am content with simple things, and life is even better now that I have given up work. I only have credit card debt - but I don't own my own home, and never will, so I am going to enjoy the money my parents left me (without going overboard, I live a modest life), and try not to worry about the future. I worked for over 40 years to just pay bills, and have nothing much to show for it, but I am happy. No children, one ex-husband.

klhfd · 26/09/2023 08:00

I do, I'm not enjoying my job very much at the moment and that is difficult because it's such a big part of my day, but I enjoy everything (most) else. Key for me is to always be planning something to look forward to, whether it's something small like what we are having for dinner, or something bigger like a holiday. I appreciate that's very difficult to do when money is tight though, perhaps the reason I can tolerate work atm because it pays well.