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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you enjoy life?

165 replies

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 22:45

I'll start by saying that I really don't.
I'm about five mins away from a breakdown and I can't really find anything to enjoy apart from my children.
I'm massively in debt, think about half a million, this includes my mortgage.
I feel like the world is against me, it's not of course, it can't be arsed I'm sure but I feel like I'm walking through quick sand.
Every day I wake up and lie in bed for five mins wondering why I've woken up.

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

OP posts:

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 12:14

@MrsSpoon79 May I ask what your new career will be? I left teaching too

NooNooHead1981 · 27/09/2023 12:52

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 06:45

My mum remembered feeling utterly hopeless and pointless around age 8, lying in bed at night wanting not to wake up in the morning.

She had profound depression and other mental health struggles, all her life, and eventually took her own life at 60.

Don't discount the idea of depression because it's your "normal"; you don't know how good you might be able to feel, how the clouds might lift, even in this difficult part of your life, with appropriate diagnosis and treatment. I was (naturally) very depressed after my mum died; after a year and a half of it I took some antidepressants and even though life at that time was incredibly difficult, I was completely exhilarated to wake up NOT feeling that weight in my heart, NOT to always be numb or on the edge of tears, to be able to think and do and plan without that undertow of "why bother?" dragging at me all the time. I really would consider exploring the options; I mean if there's no point, there's no harm either is there?

Oh, and as for "what's the point?", there is nothing paltry or pathetic about living for your children. Loving them, being there for them to love you, living to see your grandchildren be born and grow up. There's a huge, huge point in that. For millennia, before modern civilization and the enormous array of choices and possibilities we are now faced with, it was the ONLY point for the vast majority of humanity. It is not trivial.

I definitely think that I live for my children. I honestly don't know how I've carried on through all the really hard times over the past 9 years of my brother passing away from cancer aged 34; having an ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery; my head injury and post concussion syndrome, then breakdown, then getting permanently harmed by the drugs and antipsychotic given to me after; and living with the chronic and incurable movement disorder...

I'm sorry to have made my reply so sad and depressing 😞 I'm just trying to highlight the awful times that my children have made me get through, and I can truly say that without them, I'd definitely have been looking at ending things. When you have that much invested in someone you love, no matter how much you are suffering, you really do just push yourself through it for their sake.

CallieQ · 27/09/2023 13:02

We did not ask for this room or this music. We were invited in. Therefore, because the dark surrounds us, let us turn our faces to the light. Let us endure hardship to be grateful for plenty. We have been given pain to be astounded by joy. We have been given life to deny death. We did not ask for this room or this music. But because we are here, let us dance.

Original poster

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 27/09/2023 17:04

@NW1738 if you're offended why do you keep coming back.

What advice can others offer me. I can't afford my mortgage, end of.

There are options open to me but it's in the hands of MABS now and they will get me the best deal they can.

They will likely put me in front of a PIP and try to consolidate my debts.

I never said I was in negative equity, you've come to this conclusion by yourself.

I'm not here asking for advice on my mortgage so why would I post my personal financial information for it to solve nada.

Hope that helps.

OP posts:

Defiantjazz · 27/09/2023 17:27

It sounds like, debts aside, you have as good a life as anyone. Maybe you’re just bored? I find things do generally get less exciting as you get older. It’s a normal experience I think.

givemeasunnyday · 27/09/2023 21:01

Defiantjazz · 27/09/2023 17:27

It sounds like, debts aside, you have as good a life as anyone. Maybe you’re just bored? I find things do generally get less exciting as you get older. It’s a normal experience I think.

Most of us have relatively good lives - obviously some people have far more to deal with than others, but the rest of us are subject to the usual problems people have always had. Yet, for some reason so many people seem to think they are "special", and that their life should be exciting and every day should be a good one. In actual fact their life is just as good, and in many cases a lot better than, their ancestors' were. Tragic events aside life really is what you make it.

ladygindiva · 27/09/2023 21:29

KnitFastDieWarm · 27/09/2023 00:20

I have autism, ADHD, and depression. I’m getting divorced after an emotionally abusive marriage. I’m currently having issues at work. I constantly wonder if i could have been ‘more successful’. I’m fat. I don’t make much money. I worry about losing my job and my home. And yet, I love life. I’ve been suicidal in the past (decades ago now) I am always so very, very glad i stuck around.

My philosophy (broadly grounded in stoicism) is that there is no point to life. So nothing we do matters on a macro level; but everything we do matters on a micro level. So i try not to worry about work or illness or the fate of the world, because ultimately it doesn’t matter. And I do my best to make people smile every day, to appreciate the birds outside my window, to enjoy a good joke or the first sip of coffee in the morning, because these moments are the only things that do matter.

’When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.’ (marcus aurelius)

I could have written this. On paper my life's a bit shit. But I really love it .

Defiantjazz · 28/09/2023 07:18

Yes. The OP is at pains to point out she is not depressed so it’s difficult to see what the problem is exactly.

DonaNobisPacem · 28/09/2023 07:26

@KnitFastDieWarm what a great post.

NW1738 · 28/09/2023 14:45

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 25/09/2023 23:03

@strawberryandcreams not that dramatic really considering my home is being repossessed and selling it won't clear the mortgage but cheers love.

So, value of mortgage > value of house = negative equity in my book.

LegendsBeyond · 28/09/2023 15:06

What a depressing thread. I’m not sure what the OP wants from it.

I’m content with life. Sometimes I experience happiness, sometimes sadness, but that’s normal. I’m grateful for what I have & try to make the most of each day. I focus on keeping my body fit & healthy which really helps my energy levels & feelings of positivity.

Gypsum5 · 28/09/2023 16:11

What is the point.

What do you or don't you enjoy about life?

Is this some sort of study you’re doing, with MN as subjects?

Toetouchingtitties · 28/09/2023 16:35

Tl;dr the majority of the thread.

I get you Op. Being lonely is thoroughly shit and it doesn’t really matter if everyone else enjoys, or not, their life.

I’m lonely a lot of the time too, and sometimes I just wish there was a community I could easily access, where other people could validate how I’m feeling. But, I am also depressed and have other mental health issues and this prevents me from seeking the support I need.

Rather than look for forums for ‘lonely people’, think about other conditions that may cause, contribute to or have loneliness as an outcome and see if you are able to join one those.

Original poster

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 28/09/2023 23:00

@NW1738 my house is not in negative equity. My mortgage is not sustainable on my current wage and the current interest rates which keep going up.

My mortgage is more than double what it was a year ago.

If there's anything you'd like to know give me a shout.

OP posts:

Original poster

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 28/09/2023 23:04

@KnitFastDieWarm I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️

OP posts:

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