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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do we ignore the fact that most affairs don’t involve an OW?

221 replies

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:42

Or an OM for that matter?

Please, we all know most affairs in marriages are between married people.

Most people that are married and having affairs are having affairs with other married men/women.

AIBU to think there’s a focus on OW in affairs even though they make up a minority of affairs in real life?

OP posts:
CorylusAgain · 25/09/2023 21:09

IcedPurple · 25/09/2023 21:03

I didn't say the stereotype was found on Mumsnet. Mine was a more general observation.

Show quote history

SO the OP is arguing on MN against a stereotype that doesn't exist on the forum. She stated her view was the consensus when it clearly isn't.

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:09

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:06

A voluptuous seductress who sells MN chickens for a living
Does she also, @TheShellBeach have issues with toilet brushes, ironing and shoes off in the house?

Indeed she does!

However did you know?

She also never answers her doorbell, even if her parents send her an email and text to arrange to come over, and she is highly likely to report them to 101 just for coming in her front gate.

ActDottie · 25/09/2023 21:10

liveforsummer · 25/09/2023 18:43

The OW is still the OW regardless of marital status surely

This

CatamaranViper · 25/09/2023 21:10

Ger1atricMillennial · 25/09/2023 21:07

Nah... I agree with OP, the term "The OW" generally conjures up the image of a young single woman rather than a married woman when discussed in popular culture. The single people that I know have had relationships with married people, usually didn't know that they were married at the time, and were just as hurt.

It might mean that to you but it definitely doesn't conjure up that image for most people (if this thread is anything to go by) and I don't believe that the unknowing OW is just as hurt of the spouse being cheated on.

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:10

Oh. My. God.
Front doors. I've got mine bricked up. My OM comes down the chimney.

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:11

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:09

Indeed she does!

However did you know?

She also never answers her doorbell, even if her parents send her an email and text to arrange to come over, and she is highly likely to report them to 101 just for coming in her front gate.

Show quote history

...................and let us not dismiss her complete distaste for workmen who have the temerity to ask her if they can use her lavatory.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/09/2023 21:11

If what you're saying is that affair partners shouldn't always be stereotyped as a lonely, younger single woman then that's fair enough... but they're not.

Some's marital status is completely irrelevant to their role in an affair and I've never seen anyone insist that an OW has to be single.

User1789 · 25/09/2023 21:13

hereforthetea · 25/09/2023 19:53

I'll back you up OP.

It's mentioned repeatedly on MN. The OW is always single, low self-esteem, usually ugly, fatter than the cheated wife, lonely, desperate for the man to leave his wife, naive, being used...allegedly.

On OW threads, people rarely take into account that the OW could be married herself and is actually very happy just having an affair.

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I agree OP, but I think YABU to expect any nuance in discussions about affairs or OW on MN, let alone AIBU. Or on the relationship boards tbh.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 25/09/2023 21:14

Ok, so this is why I love Mumsnet! I haven't been back for ages but you are all making me cackle😂

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:16

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:10

Oh. My. God.
Front doors. I've got mine bricked up. My OM comes down the chimney.

Good grief.

Are you admitting to having an OM, an AP, if you prefer the term?

You'll be claiming that you have a shower twice a day next, and that you only use your hand and bath towels once before throwing them into the machine for a 90 degree wash.

Alstroemeria123 · 25/09/2023 21:16

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:10

Oh. My. God.
Front doors. I've got mine bricked up. My OM comes down the chimney.

Your OM is Santa?

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:18

Alstroemeria123 · 25/09/2023 21:16

Your OM is Santa?

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Shhh. Don't tell Mrs Claus....

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:19

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:18

Shhh. Don't tell Mrs Claus....

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It was Mrs. Claus who sold me the MN chicken which fed 47 people.
I won't hear a word against her.

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:19

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:16

Good grief.

Are you admitting to having an OM, an AP, if you prefer the term?

You'll be claiming that you have a shower twice a day next, and that you only use your hand and bath towels once before throwing them into the machine for a 90 degree wash.

Show quote history

Guilty as charged.
Also: I iron everything.

blacksax · 25/09/2023 21:21

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

The OW (or OM) is the person your partner is shagging. Their marital status and who seduced who is irrelevant.

jazzyfips · 25/09/2023 21:22

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

I don’t think it’s described like that at all. OW is just the other party in the affair regardless of their relationship status.

jazzyfips · 25/09/2023 21:26

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 19:13

@FuckingHellAdele 16% of people on the poll think I am not BU. So other people have observed this too. Not just me

It’s 11 now and consensus means agreement so 89% disagree with you.

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:27

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:19

Guilty as charged.
Also: I iron everything.

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Do you also lock your milk, biscuits, tea and sugar away when hapless workmen come to your house, so that they don't get the idea you're a pushover when it comes to refreshments?

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:28

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:27

Do you also lock your milk, biscuits, tea and sugar away when hapless workmen come to your house, so that they don't get the idea you're a pushover when it comes to refreshments?

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It's like you're in my (pristine) house!

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:28

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

...................aaaaaand we're back where we were at the beginning...........

MistressoftheYoniverse · 25/09/2023 21:29

Iron?? I spray stuff with water and put then in the dryer duh??😅

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:30

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:28

It's like you're in my (pristine) house!

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I bet you refuse to take in parcels for elderly and otherwise infirm neighbours, too.

CaptainSeven · 25/09/2023 21:33

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

Where did you find this consensus?

I was totally baffled based on your subject thinking how could anyone have an affair without involving someone else.

Then I realised in your OP you were making the distinction between single affair partners and attached affair partners.

I don't believe in that distinction and I don't believe there is a consensus about it either.

shockthemonkey · 25/09/2023 21:35

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

Most people use OW to mean other woman.

They do not say « oh she’s married too, I can’t call her OW ».

Maireas · 25/09/2023 21:35

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 21:30

I bet you refuse to take in parcels for elderly and otherwise infirm neighbours, too.

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Bastards