Why do we ignore the fact that most affairs don’t involve an OW?

[AkakeSlumnering]

Or an OM for that matter?

Please, we all know most affairs in marriages are between married people.

Most people that are married and having affairs are having affairs with other married men/women.

AIBU to think there’s a focus on OW in affairs even though they make up a minority of affairs in real life?

Your current marriage status doesn't determine whether or not you are the OW or OM. That's determined by whether or not you decide to shag someone else who is married 🤔

In a nutshell.

I think you misunderstand the term. Any woman can be the OW, whether she is married, divorced, the sister or the mother, if she is having sex with a married or indeed partnered man who is not her husband or partner, she is the OW.

They're still the OW/OM but I agree most affairs don't involve some wicked predator woman who set out to steal your man.

I think most APs start off convincing themselves it's all just friends, end up in deeper than they intended and struggle with what to do for the best - all the time they can keep it secret no one gets hurt, whereas if they come clean everyone gets hurt.

Nah he was married too.

I think in light of this thread AP should be clarified before we go any further.

i think the general consensus is AP means affair partner

Yes, that's what I meant.

I had to read this twice to try and understand what the OP is trying to express. Maybe this will help them: Charles and Camilla were both married to other people when they continued/recommenced their affair. Hope this explains that both parties involved in an extra-marital dalliance can each have a spouse

I kind of get your point. Most people who have affairs with married people, male or female, are probably married or in committed relationships themselves. The stereotype of the single woman 'stealing' another woman's wife is the minority.

However, I don't think the expression OW, or OM, has anything to do with your point. Hence the responses you are getting.

But hang on, @Lifeomars - but James Hewitt was unmarried when he had the affair with Diana...so she wasn't the OW, but he was the OM.....

No - to a random Affair Partner who is either:

a) married

b) unmarried

c) engaged

d) a voluptuous seductress who sells MN chickens for a living

Where are you seeing this 'stereotype' being expressed on MN?

Don't start

I think in light of this thread AP should be clarified before we go any further

..................or someone will start a thread which amply demonstrates that they have no idea what AP means...............

I've never noticed people using OW to mean single 'other woman', just 'other woman', single, married, partnered-up, whatever. And similarly OM is any man other than the one a person is in a committed relationship with.

I also have doubts that 'most' people having affairs are having them with other married people. Obviously it happens, but is it more common than any other 'configuration' of affair?

Anyway, there are people who are unhappy in their relationships, have affairs with other married people, then end up leaving their original spouse/partner for the new one. That happens, too.

My bottom line: They're all sleazy and disgusting and should end the relationship before seeking another partner. Anyone can be a seducer/seductress, regardless of their relationship status.

Too late 😉

Aaand we're now at a consensus of 12% who are with the OP and those who are wrong/in the minority/the OW/OMs the rest at 88%

Well as well as being abused 100000 times more than any MM, the focus does always seem to be on what the OW supposedly did to the MM's family. There's rarely any mention of her own family.

I didn't say the stereotype was found on Mumsnet. Mine was a more general observation.

I always blame BOTH unless one person has absolutely no idea and was completely duped...no one gets a pass

A voluptuous seductress who sells MN chickens for a living
Does she also, @TheShellBeach have issues with toilet brushes, ironing and shoes off in the house?

@TheShellBeach That’s why I thought it might be a good to clear it up. 😂

Nah... I agree with OP, the term "The OW" generally conjures up the image of a young single woman rather than a married woman when discussed in popular culture. The single people that I know have had relationships with married people, usually didn't know that they were married at the time, and were just as hurt.

I also have doubts that 'most' people having affairs are having them with other married people. Obviously it happens, but is it more common than any other 'configuration' of affair?

I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me. Affairs are often a form of escapism and married people whose lives feel a bit samey and stale are likely to want that more than a single person who's meeting a lot of new people. And of course many people enjoy the stability and domesticity of home life with an exciting partner on the side where you never have to worry about school runs and meal planning.

......or chickens...