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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do we ignore the fact that most affairs don’t involve an OW?

221 replies

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:42

Or an OM for that matter?

Please, we all know most affairs in marriages are between married people.

Most people that are married and having affairs are having affairs with other married men/women.

AIBU to think there’s a focus on OW in affairs even though they make up a minority of affairs in real life?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 25/09/2023 18:54

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

I've never heard this. OW is literally the other person. Yes, often married or in a relationship

SapphireOpal · 25/09/2023 18:55

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

But that's not what OW means.

A married woman can seduce a man.

I don't think anyone thinks it's mostly single people that are affair partners - if anything I'd assume both parties were married tbh.

HeddaGarbled · 25/09/2023 18:56

the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband

I don’t think that’s true. Maybe in older books or films?

CorylusAgain · 25/09/2023 18:58

I think you've got confused by the discussion that often takes place around blaming the ow rather than blaming the 'd'p or 'd'h.
It's nothing to do with whether or not she's single.

Festivemoose · 25/09/2023 18:59

I heave never, ever heard anyone use OW in the way that you are describing.

If someone is having an affair with a woman who is also married, what do you call her if not the OW?

Findyourneutralspace · 25/09/2023 18:59

Married women can still be seductive you know. And are sometimes open to being seduced by married men!

ClusterFukt · 25/09/2023 19:01

You’re not making much sense OP.

VivX · 25/09/2023 19:01

paulinewalnuts · 25/09/2023 18:53

Wtf is this nonsense.

Succinct 😂

OuiRagamuffin · 25/09/2023 19:02

Agree that o is just for other but to defend op, I think some married women fear a single woman just wants to "fix" her singleness by getting a man any man. So often single women are single because they can't tolerate bs so of you were a single woman who cared what other people thought it coukd be frustrating.
Most married women are sane enough to look at their husband and realise that there is no queue forming behind him. Not all though. I've experienced some strange vibes from a married woman when I first showed up in town, single, 2 dc, done with men!

Jk987 · 25/09/2023 19:02

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

Husbands choose to have sex with another woman. They play a fairly active part in it! They are not powerless and under the command of a woman in suspenders!

tennine · 25/09/2023 19:02

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

I don't use other woman to describe a single women, I use it to describe the OTHER woman.

ChristmasKraken · 25/09/2023 19:03

Out of curiosity, where are you getting your stats about most affairs being between married people? Not doubting it, just curious.

indigovapour · 25/09/2023 19:03

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

"Consensus" usually means something most people agree on.

Talipesmum · 25/09/2023 19:05

I think this is something you’ve just assumed, without good reason.

ohotoframe · 25/09/2023 19:05

UsingChangeofName · 25/09/2023 18:50

I meant OW the way most people use it

eh?
Whenever I have heard it used, I have assumed the person using the term means the woman that their husband (or the bloke they are talking about) had an affair with. It has nothing to do with marital status, and everything to do with having a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship with someone else. So, she isn't his wife, she is the other woman.

This

Russooooo · 25/09/2023 19:05

I think maybe the consensus is just with yourself 😅

You seem to have misunderstood the term, and assumed we all misunderstood it too. I’ve never thought of the OW as a ‘single seductress’, just a woman (single or not) in an affair with a married man, and vice versa.

GalileoHumpkins · 25/09/2023 19:06

I think the general consensus is that your post wasn't very smart. Sorry OP.

cuddlebear · 25/09/2023 19:06

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

No. The consensus is not this. HTH

ohotoframe · 25/09/2023 19:07

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

Thus isn't true. OW just means the affair partner. Nothing at all to do with being 'single'. I'm in my 60's and have never thought the term OW/OM only related to a single person.

VeridicalVagabond · 25/09/2023 19:08

I mean given that literally no one has agreed with you I'd say that the general consensus is not that the other woman is a single seductress hell bent on tempting away unsuspecting married men, because the general population don't live in a Jilly Cooper novel.

EverydayEssentials · 25/09/2023 19:08

This thread clearly demonstrates there is no such consensus

Riverlee · 25/09/2023 19:09

i don’t know anyone seduce by a young seductress. All the people I know have had affairs with married women/men.

AnneValentine · 25/09/2023 19:10

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

I don’t think people do actually make that distinction.

MindfullyAmazedHorse · 25/09/2023 19:11

If you wouldn’t call a married person an OW or OM, how would you refer to them?

FuckingHellAdele · 25/09/2023 19:11

How's this thread working out for you @AkakeSlumnering ?

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