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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do we ignore the fact that most affairs don’t involve an OW?

221 replies

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:42

Or an OM for that matter?

Please, we all know most affairs in marriages are between married people.

Most people that are married and having affairs are having affairs with other married men/women.

AIBU to think there’s a focus on OW in affairs even though they make up a minority of affairs in real life?

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 19:38

An OW/OM is just that, regardless of their marital status.

What do you suggest we call them if they’re married?

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 25/09/2023 19:38

There's more dignity in backing down at this point...

longwayoff · 25/09/2023 19:39

That's a very strange observation.

SallyWD · 25/09/2023 19:41

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

No one uses OW in that way. We all know the OW or OM can be married.

Womencanlift · 25/09/2023 19:43

An OW is an OW regardless of their current marital status. They are the other woman in that relationship between a mama and wife

Same is the affair partner is a man

What has made you think that the term is only assigned to single people?

commonground · 25/09/2023 19:44

It's 86/14 now.

DownNative · 25/09/2023 19:44

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 19:13

@FuckingHellAdele 16% of people on the poll think I am not BU. So other people have observed this too. Not just me

In the 30 mins since you said that, it's gone DOWN to 14%. I expect it'll go down some more. 🤷‍♂️

Aposterhasnoname · 25/09/2023 19:44

This is the most bizarre thing I ever read. Of course the OW is still the OW regardless of her marital status. Did you think OW stood for something else perhaps?

commonground · 25/09/2023 19:45

87/13.

Countdown....

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 25/09/2023 19:45

OP. I think you have got yourself very muddled. You have plainly believed something for years that is not true. I have never heard anyone use the phrase Other Woman (or man) in the way you describe. It is the fact of them being the “other” that’s important, not whether or not they are themselves single.

Askil · 25/09/2023 19:46

AnonAnonandAriston · 25/09/2023 19:15

What the hell are you on about. You can't have an affair on your own, so of course there has to be an OW or an OM involved!

😂I'd love to have an affair on my own.

@OP it is you that has misunderstood OW all along. the general consensus is not what you have been thinking at all. OW simply means the woman outside the marriage that the husband is having an affair with. No one cares whether they are single/married.

Slaterz · 25/09/2023 19:47

The other is just denoting they're not the spouse? They are an other? Surely?

DryIce · 25/09/2023 19:48

I am genuinely interested as to where you have got this idea? It doesn't seem to be thr concensus on mumsnet - is it books/TV? Social circle?

If anything, I think I would have instinctively assumed the OW was married, so I guess I think of affairs as more likely to be between married people

GalileoHumpkins · 25/09/2023 19:48

Would MOW and SOW simplify things for you?

EthicalNonMahogany · 25/09/2023 19:50

I wonder if OP (who is, natch, a single, seductive original poster) is thinking of the thing about "It's only your husband to blame for breaking your marriages vows".

It's irrelevant to the betrayed spouse. whether OW also has her own ones to break.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 25/09/2023 19:51

Relax ladies, OP just thinks everyone has similar experiences to her or has similar thoughts and that can happen to any of us especially if you use media as your reference, perhaps then you might believe the OW is always a single chick trying to snatch up a hubby...but in reality the OW can be any morally or ar least emotionally bankrupt woman, married single or otherwise

LookingforMaryPoppins · 25/09/2023 19:53

OW or OM is just the other woman or man, it's irrelevant to their marital status.

hereforthetea · 25/09/2023 19:53

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:45

Oh, I meant OW the way most people use it - to describe a single woman who they feel “seduced” someone else’s husband and tempted him into having an affair.

Most affairs don’t involve an OW like the way it’s usually described

I'll back you up OP.

It's mentioned repeatedly on MN. The OW is always single, low self-esteem, usually ugly, fatter than the cheated wife, lonely, desperate for the man to leave his wife, naive, being used...allegedly.

On OW threads, people rarely take into account that the OW could be married herself and is actually very happy just having an affair.

ChampagneLassie · 25/09/2023 19:53

Oops I just clicked the wrong one. Accidentally siding with OP.

Alstroemeria123 · 25/09/2023 19:54

MistressoftheYoniverse · 25/09/2023 19:51

Relax ladies, OP just thinks everyone has similar experiences to her or has similar thoughts and that can happen to any of us especially if you use media as your reference, perhaps then you might believe the OW is always a single chick trying to snatch up a hubby...but in reality the OW can be any morally or ar least emotionally bankrupt woman, married single or otherwise

…just as long as we always blame the woman for the affair, right?

Viviennemary · 25/09/2023 19:58

I kind of see what OP is getting at. The man involved is never referred to as the OM other man.

Yerroblemom1923 · 25/09/2023 20:01

I knew what you meant, OP. I think some people are being deliberately obtuse.

Doris86 · 25/09/2023 20:05

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

Where is this the consensus? Certainly not on Mumsnet. Not one single person has posted to agree with you on this.

anomaly2 · 25/09/2023 20:05

AkakeSlumnering · 25/09/2023 18:51

@CorylusAgain No I haven’t seen those.

I mean generally - the consensus is that the OW is a single seductress who is out to take someone else’s husband. People ignore the fact that most often the woman in an affair usually has a husband of her own.

I don't think this is the general consensus at all. I think most people are fully aware than many affairs are between married people

CorylusAgain · 25/09/2023 20:06

I'm genuinely intrigued @Yerroblemom1923 what OP means. I have never known OW mean single woman which is the point the OP is making