Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

This sounds like an excellent outdoors activity for Brownies. Burn off some energy, bit of woodcraft, and I'm sure the Joneses will enjoy the decibel levels usually achieved by excited children.

I'm actually thinking you should beat them at their own game, OP.

When you've amassed enough sheets, go out later in the middle of the night and wrap/cable tie them all around their garden/house carefully.

It'll be art.

Oh this is so funny.. just keep cutting it down and putting it in your garage.. keep us updated lol

I think that you can improve neighbourly relations and make your children happier about the 15ft trampoline question all at once.

Leave the tarp in situ. In the dead of night install said 15ft trampoline in the no-man’s land between the houses. That way kids and neighbours can hang out together in perfect harmony 😂

Should the neighbours ever raise it you can reply with “yes we’re so lucky- it just appeared overnight along with this tarp to shade it. Must be someone’s random act of kindness…” And then thank them profusely as though they have thoughtfully installed both.

Take the ladder AND the canopy. They can't come and ask for it because then they'd have to admit to trespassing. Unless they're another level of CF. Even so I'd feign ignorance. But keep doing it every single time. And then use the ladder very conspicuously and they will be totally weirded out

Do this!

Also put up movement sensitive floodlights that will come on as soon as they put the ladder up.

Genius....

You should put a notice up with your charges for displaying notices.

It's perfectly clear cut. You can't attach things to someone else's property, no matter where it hangs down.

It's the perfect time of year, so much Halloween stuff available. I've got a glow in the dark motion activated dancing skeleton somewhere......

I believe it's hanging like a screen and the paparazzi cameras are therefore an excellent suggestion.

Seconding the idea of putting Blair Witch stick sculptures all around the Place of the Sacred Tarp. Maybe also hang up a few other things, such as glass eyes, prosthetic limbs, dead squirrels, broken dolls, rat skulls, bloodstained rags, witchcraft amulets, severed fingers and so on. Then set a recording up to play of someone repeatedly sobbing and snuffling (you could hide and repeatedly sob and snuffle yourselves but it sounds like a lot of work). Or a whole bunch of weird owl and loon noises. Or make a giant sculpture of the creature in the movie The Ritual (also a lot of work). Or, recruit a bunch of bored neighbours of a certain age, get them slightly drunk, strip them naked and paint their bodies with pentagrams and have them all stand by your fence, staring at the Joneses(eses) with slack-jawed intensity. Take photos of Mr and Mrs Jones and paste closeups of the faces on balloons which you tie to your fir trees so they can stare themselves out of countenance. Deliver them a pizza with toppings in the shape of ouija board letters. If all else fails infest their firstborn child with a demon that likes to cut the heads off things.

Either you've put a lot of thought into that, Lucia, or you've got prior experience of this scenario.

I've just read this out to DH & he's inadvertently come up with a VERY Mumsnet suggestion: ring doorbell.

Attach doorbell to one of the trees, make sure wifi will reach to the end of garden (use a relay if necessary). Connect it up so you can sit in the house & wait for something to happen - then ask the intruders via the doorbell what the buggery b!ll!cks they're playing at.

His other suggestion was to cut the tarp down, concertina fold it, cut out a line of children holding hands (the Brownies could help with this) & put it back up. That will allow the wind to pass through & mystify the Joneseseseses as to how it could happen while the tarp was attached to the tree.

the Indiana Joneses

The Indiana-Joneses, surely? They sound like the hyphenated sort to me.

I think canopy #2 should be cut down, folded as neatly as possible and placed on their side of the river bank. The ladder should be then dragged onto your side of the riverbank and left in tantalising view, it’s not on your land, you’ve not stolen it, it’s just there. They just have to find a new way across the river to get it.

if you can pour something sticky on it, even better…

You have Brownies available to you, OP. Next time you take the screen down, invite them to camp overnight, with strict instructions to scream blue murder if, by any chance, they should become aware of anyone climbing over the fence.

So funny. Keep cutting them down. Sell on eBay. They might buy them back.

this is too funny. please keep us updated

Lol🤣🤣🤣 oh the image of this is priceless, both them sneaking round in the night to attach it & you removing the offending item🤣 I just want to know where they think it’s going do they think they suspect commando squirrels?

its very cheeky, they should of asked, that said the skill, and stealthy nature of the operation, etc quite impressive.

Put both tarps on FB marketplace, 'used once'

Apart from the nudey pentagram bit all of this could be done by a Brownie troop with a can-do attitude. Get them out there, OP, badges for the best loon noise.

I'm only here for the updates - and to commend OP on her diagram, which has now given me an earworm 🎤

Best solution I've read is to remove this tarp, place it folded on their side of the stream, then pull the ladder over to your side of the stream and leave in full view. That tells them you know what they're doing, without being daft about it.

take down the sheet every time as that is more fun than talking to them. Those CF are entering your garden.

have a sheet bonfire