Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Not sure anti-climb paint would be good for the trees. A liberal application of something sticky and biodegradable like dog shit black treacle on the other hand...

You and your family certainly live on the edge! Makes my annoyance with a yapping dog nextdoor seem very tame.

Hashtag artist’s impression.

Wonderful diagram. So the neighbours want a view of the river but not your fence?! Keep taking to down.

Best drawing I've seen in ages!!!

Trail cam! Catch them at it.

thats Fucking atrocious. I think you should encourage your children and their friends to make dens down there. Every single time.

Night time moon 🤣🤣 Distant stars 🤣🤣

I'm getting "people (not hedgehogs) shagging in my hedge" flashbacks from this thread and it's making me happy!

I spat my tea out, that would be epic

Did you miss 'Nigel Farage's conscience'?

Actually I had misunderstood as I thought the stream was on your land. Maybe not steal the ladder, then....

Is the stream in your garden or theirs? Or neither? Have they enclosed the stream? Id be really annoyed if so.

No. The ladder was laid out horizontally from one side of the stream to the other. They actually made a bridge to clamber across. Now it’s been left on one bank.

I’m not sure who owns the stream. Probably Jeff Bezos. He owns most of the things.

So did they climb over your fence to erect this shroud? Sorry for being dense. They sound nuts either way!

As hilarious as this thread is (fab ideas!) it’s making me angry! Who do they think they are? Such fuckers. I would employ local teens who don’t mind camping out at night, to wait for them and then scare the shit out of them as they crawl over the the ladder.
Then throw the ladder away or move it to up against your house? Somewhere they’d need to knock for it .

No, absolutely steal the ladder. Keep the binders ite, as Steve Bell once had ?the DofE say, in a cartoon.

Why would they leave it there after they'd put up the tarp? Surely the first time, they expected the tarp to stay where they'd tied it, so there'd be no need to use the ladder again. Or were they going to do... OTHER THINGS AS WELL?

Could you rig up some kind of motion sensor which starts a floodlight and a recording of someone shouting “THIS IS THE WOKING TREE PROTECTION OFFICER, PUT DOWN THE CABLE TIES AND COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.” Or would the local cats set it off? Also if they fell off the ladder would they die- if so maybe go a bit more light touch.

Christ, is that a piranha in the river?

Actually maybe call Rishi Sunak and say something about small boats/crossings. Nigel Farage may be able to help you out with a loudhailer and a small inflatable dinghy.

https://www.lightinthebox.com/en/p/floating-shark-head-crocodile-decor-for-garden-pool-novelty-outdoor-animals-statue-spoof-toy-for-garden-park-pond-wall-decoration_p9592559.html?currency=GBP&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_86295%7C276_821847&country_code=GB&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=19017768184&adword_mt=&adword_ct=&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=x&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=3920519184_19017768184__&gclid=CjwKCAjw38SoBhB6EiwA8EQVLjKjjBMLWMGrsSLeIkUNzSUjPZcLiSpFVdISUGqM3WIFxTnFAFqG3hoCLKQQAvD_BwE&enrd=1

something like this in the stream ?

Bloody heck. What kind of sheet is it? Are we talking super king or is it really more of a sail? Wondering if you could perhaps use it to hammock between the fences, all the better to overhear the mafioso plans.

This is the best thread I’ve read in ages. Nothing to add, just want to thank you for the laughs.

Cut it down. Every. Single. Time. 🤬

I like what you’ve done there 😁

@dymaxion Both, either side of the ladder. Or break into the Jones's's's's house & leave the crocodile head in their bed, with some fake blood.

It's the neighbourly thing to do.