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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

1000 replies

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 15:33

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
37
JDEE72 · 27/09/2023 00:06

@Dadfromthesea

I think you need to add your OWN tarp...

you can rebuild it. You have the technology. You can make it better than it was. Better, stronger, faster.

ODFOx · 27/09/2023 00:18

It should not be complicated to replace a ties tarp with a shower curtain. Just saying

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
LemonyTicket · 27/09/2023 00:22

Sorry to be the odd one out here. I understand all the admiration for you OP, but personally for me -your neighbours are my heroes.

Try and imagine two people sitting there and saying "it would be ideal if we can affix it to that tree" and literally coming up with a plan like navy seals to build an actual fucking bridge across an actual fucking stream in the dead of night to scale your fence and do this. It's so brazen. It's so wonderfully MENTAL.

And when you add to that, the fact that they likely know you cut it down and then did it AGAIN makes them basically heroes without capes to me. I feel like you need to befriend them and have karaoke nights.

They must be utterly incredible people.

Euni2023 · 27/09/2023 00:24

Oh please keep cutting it down and keep us updated .
Really I just want to read more of your posts I think they’re hilarious you have so cheered me up . Thank you !

Passepartoute · 27/09/2023 00:28

Seriously, you can't really want to live indefinitely with a hideous tarpaulin tied to your tree?

Nanaof1 · 27/09/2023 05:19

Dadfromthesea · 26/09/2023 21:27

My day job for the last day and a half has been doing this! But sadly I can’t do it for a living. I have a proper, very dull job. But the people are lovely and the work is good.

There’s no conspiracy about stopping. I haven’t discovered a horrible truth in the deeds (wherever they are), nor have I been having you all on all this time. We just think it’s pretty funny to leave it - an amusing story when we have guests.

Clearly if they take the piss further then I will seek advice from MN and a solicitor, in that order. But for now it’s doing no real harm.

I take the point about the trees. But there are no cable ties now. I cut them off with Shroud II, and their latest installation is tied on with string. Here’s to it all being blown all the way back to Kansas in tomorrow’s storm.

The thing that chaps my hide is this: They have now basically blocked their view of your house, leaving the view of the slope and stream for themselves. But, that takes away the view of the slope and stream from you and yours. How do you go down to the stream to look at tadpoles, skip rocks or just enjoy the sound?

I really dislike people who act like CFers and those neighbors are top tier ones.

PoppyIwas · 27/09/2023 06:12

Keep cutting it down, eventually they’ll either run out of money to replace it and stop or come over to you and ask why you’re doing it.

Then you can explain that they are your trees

Normally, like you, I wouldn’t invite aggravation to my life by having experienced a very unneighbourly thing from my neighbour last week, I’m all for it now!!! My neighbour thought it was okay to ask a tree surgeon to reduce the height of my tree by 12 feet ! Claiming he forgot to tell me….tell me, surely tvat should be “ask”…. His apology was pathetic and insulting, offering me a future gift of wine or chocolates, refused both and said he acted unlawfully and was actually trespassing … so, cut it down, repeatedly, and wait to tell them they need to ask you !! 🤣

Linzinbulgaria · 27/09/2023 07:08

The thing I find most hilarious is how quickly they keep putting new ones up! They must of bulk ordered them beforehand 🤣 even Amazon prime isn't that fast!
Seriously though I would of gone round there by now, why should you suffer/go without due to their sheer cheek? Also what else are they doing to do on your side if theve got away with is so far 🤔
You must have the patience of a Saint!

ClairDeLaLune · 27/09/2023 08:18

You really need to take it down again. They shouldn’t be putting stuff in your garden. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. You need to assert your boundaries literally.

(Well actually the real reason you should take it down is that you owe it to your followers to continue the saga!)

diddl · 27/09/2023 08:32

Indiana & Mindy-Anna!😂

Purplefishywish · 27/09/2023 08:46

Perhaps they are projecting a film onto it?
This is the only sense i can make of it except the tarp is green??

dontletsaskforthemoon · 27/09/2023 08:51

NO! You can't give in! 😂Aww I'm gutted you've let them win! 😮Please keep cutting the 'shroud' down. Given that they are such CFs; you've given them an inch, they'll take a mile!!

CitizenofMoronia · 27/09/2023 09:15

PoppyIwas · 27/09/2023 06:12

Keep cutting it down, eventually they’ll either run out of money to replace it and stop or come over to you and ask why you’re doing it.

Then you can explain that they are your trees

Normally, like you, I wouldn’t invite aggravation to my life by having experienced a very unneighbourly thing from my neighbour last week, I’m all for it now!!! My neighbour thought it was okay to ask a tree surgeon to reduce the height of my tree by 12 feet ! Claiming he forgot to tell me….tell me, surely tvat should be “ask”…. His apology was pathetic and insulting, offering me a future gift of wine or chocolates, refused both and said he acted unlawfully and was actually trespassing … so, cut it down, repeatedly, and wait to tell them they need to ask you !! 🤣

Trespass and criminal damage, sue them

Ariela · 27/09/2023 09:16

Anti climb paint (and a sign so it's legal) on your fence

Twazique · 27/09/2023 09:19

At the very least I would hang the Brownie Bird feeders where they can see them so they are aware the area is well used (and the birds will poo on their tarp).

Wanttobenameless · 27/09/2023 09:35

Thank you for the funniest thread I've ever read on here, highly entertaining.

You sir, win the Internet!

WickedSerious · 27/09/2023 09:40

Watchingthegp · 26/09/2023 18:38

Sex patio! 🤣

Every home should have one.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 27/09/2023 09:44

I would NOT be leaving that screen in place.

What pisstakers!

Hmm1234 · 27/09/2023 09:52

We must have the same neighbours doing sneaky things at night or waiting till you’ve gon on holiday haha

PomegranateRose · 27/09/2023 10:01

Dadfromthesea · 26/09/2023 19:46

Thank you, again, to everyone who has taken time to reply to this thread. Relating the neighbours’ almost-praiseworthy levels of chutzpah to you has been marvellous because it’s proved that reasonableness reigns supreme on here, even if it’s not quite yet managed to permeate their brass necks.

It’d been a good few weeks since I’d contemplated an act of savage vengeance on someone, so it’s heartwarming to know that so many of you have such vivid ideas in that particular thought space. You are reassuringly bloodthirsty.

From the sensible (erect a wind chime made of forks whilst wearing a balaclava) to the utterly absurd (go and talk to them face to face) everyone’s contributions have made me smile a lot. I appreciate it.

You are a lovely gang. Thank you.

It’s strange how the night moves, with autumn closing in. So DW and I have decided to leave The World’s Most Passive Aggressive Art Installation in situ for now. We can barely see this new monstrosity unless we venture into the Amazonian twilight zone that is The Fir Trees. So I’m not gonna take it down yet. If it makes them happy, it can’t be that bad.

Shroud III was an upgrade from bedsheet to plastic. I can’t risk IV being made of even harder substances, like reinforced concrete or Suella Braverman’s heart. So like my grandad said when he retired - ‘My choppin’ days are over.’

Actually he may have said that when his jury retired. I forget.

Anyway, if Indiana and Mindy-Anna (for that is surely her name) want to put a screen up, and feel that a trans-stream, ladder scrambling, Krypton Factor assault course into our garden is the way to go about it, then I applaud them. The threshold for willingly bringing riparian rights into any conversation I’m involved in is exceptionally high, and this doesn’t cross it yet.

I know I’m pressing pause on the Doomsday Clock and that nobody likes a quitter. But I’m a 42 year old dad who spends 98% of his free time schlepping his daughters to clubs (I am at swimming as I type this), so how many friends do you think I have left to lose?

And after all, Neville Chamberlain didn’t become the national hero that he is today by being needlessly assertive, did he?

After 20 years, squatters rights means that either we will get legal possession of their plastic sheet, or they will get legal possession of our entire house and garden. Seems like a reasonable gamble compared to discussing my mild encroachment concerns with the Joneseseses in person.

Obviously if this is just Stage 1 of their plan to slowly take over our garden inch-by-inch, followed by an annexation of the Sudetenland, then at some point we’ll probably have to pop a polite note through their letterbox and run away. But such drastic measures probably won’t happen until I can touch them from my kitchen window.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen tonight. Of course, if they build a wall and a machine gun turret I’ll provide an update. Otherwise, it’s as you were.

It won’t be long before another day. We’re gonna have a good time. And no-one’s gonna take that time away.

Thanks again.

x

"so how many friends do you think I have left to lose?" - OP, I think you've got plenty more waiting in the wings after this thread (myself included)!. Thank you for your brilliant humour about this, this has got to be a MN classic (if it isn't official already and I've just missed it!

I'd go for a pint with you any day of the week. Do let us know if you decide to set up a garden bar within the Shroud III's vicinity - I'm sure plenty of us would love to come and muster up the ranks 😂

RethinkingLife · 27/09/2023 10:29

WickedSerious · 27/09/2023 09:40

Every home should have one.

And a sex pond?

Trenda · 27/09/2023 10:37

From OPs description of himself is anyone else picturing him as Kevin from Motherland ?

AlexandriasWindmill · 27/09/2023 10:39

Ah I'm so glad I found this thread. For a moment, I wondered if you'd moved into our old house - we had trees, bushes, a stream and neighbours who wouldn't acknowledge your existence unless it was blocking your car in with bins. And waving timidly during the Covid Thursday night applause-fest.

I'm currently waging a pa war through the means of removing fake flowers, so I salute your commitment to removing items rather than speaking.

Alondra · 27/09/2023 10:41

OP, if your story is true, which I have doubts, you are as much of a crappy neighbour as they are.

I love your writing style but, bottom line, you are being as passive-aggressive as they are. If you didn't like them to tie a canvas to your trees, while trespassing your property to do it, you should have spoken to them. It's what adults do instead of engaging in a never ending, you put up the canvas, I cut it out and take it to my garage while I write the next chapter on MN.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 27/09/2023 10:42

I love your writing style but, bottom line, you are being as passive-aggressive as they are

And that’s the beauty of the thread.

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