Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Don't give up the fight, @Dadfromthesea !

We're all counting on you!

this is unacceptable. I am enraged. you can't give up@Dadfromthesea . think of your fans on mumsnet! think of our proud nation! think of humanity! do you value nothing?

you have to let this thing come to its natural end.... keep cutting tarps down... keep escalating with water canons, screaming spiders, pouncing banshees! in millenia to come, this will become a legend, you will be a mythical hero - like Jason, or xena the warrior princess. we need to find out where this all ends. at what point do these people give up? are they even people?

I for one am ready to lay down my ... well not life obv... but significant phone time and quite average martial arts skills for the sake of this mission

you can do this! don't let us down!

What a drop out!

Get back out there with your scissors!

Yep

Litterally NO ONE who was a property owner would roll over and accept this, either its been a troll post from the start or PO has checked his deeds and the old wire fence IS the boundary line.

OH no you cant give up now. Cable ties will cut in and damage your trees. Please cut it down and post No Trespassing signs. Protect those trees (Beside it was such an entertaining thread!)

Oh come on you can’t leave it and not say anything to them.

Regardless of your entertaining prose evoking Chamberlain and throwing in the wicked Farage and Braverman maybe you’re having us on 😁.

I think he is waiting for Storm Agnes to wreak her revenge on his behalf tomorrow. Wonder if the sail will take away a tree or two in the process 😱

I’d say you have hit the nail on the head!

I suspect that the lifting of the thread by a lazy tabloid newspaper journo might be the reason why the OP and his Mrs are suddenly rolling over and accepting Shroudgate.

Actually, serious health and safety issue. Tying a large tarp to fir trees, which have very shallow roots, would result in the trees being uprooted easily in heavy winds. This would result in said trees falling across the stream, wind direction permitting, destroying the new patio area and fancy new furniture. CF may reconsider the siting of the patio.
Seriously this is a health and safety problem so before the forecast storms please remove the tarps.

And when I held it in my arms, I felt like Fred Astaire.

I love this reference, @Dadfromthesea ! 😍🌼

OP what’s your day job? Because you must be a journo or something with those writing skills

The wire fence is after the trees though isn't it?

Do the neighbours own the stream?

Even if there garden ends before the trees there is still a strip of no-mans land to contend with?

Why don’t you just pull the ladder on to your side… as a ‘safety precaution’? Then cut the tarp down.

Does Mumsnet HQ have an Annual Awards Night? OP deserves an award.

My day job for the last day and a half has been doing this! But sadly I can’t do it for a living. I have a proper, very dull job. But the people are lovely and the work is good.

There’s no conspiracy about stopping. I haven’t discovered a horrible truth in the deeds (wherever they are), nor have I been having you all on all this time. We just think it’s pretty funny to leave it - an amusing story when we have guests.

Clearly if they take the piss further then I will seek advice from MN and a solicitor, in that order. But for now it’s doing no real harm.

I take the point about the trees. But there are no cable ties now. I cut them off with Shroud II, and their latest installation is tied on with string. Here’s to it all being blown all the way back to Kansas in tomorrow’s storm.

I absolutely laughed my sides off reading your updates and gutted its come to an end. I think this could be a Netflix series!!

We have a similar issue with trees. We live in a terraced house, with a yard, and small bit of garden beyond. There is a gravel track through our garden which is open to our neighbours- the deeds say we all have a right of access over this bit of our land, and our land stops at a wall backing on to another property.
Between the track and the wall is a flower bed in which are a couple of trees and a telegraph pole.

The neighbour in the bungalow on the other side of the wall, so no right of access as they don't live on our street, employed a tree surgeon and took a good few feet off our trees. I think they may have been causing a bit too much shade for the neighbours, but they have never spoken to us about it. I think they maybe think no-one owns the trees. We don't raise it in case they hit us with a bill for the work.

Just use the leftover peanut butter to coat the trees and cut the strings your trees will thank you

Why don't you cut an owl hole through the trees? Then when mr and mrs joneseseseseses are partaking in a cup of dragons blood tea YOU can peer through the hole with your own cup of righteous indignance tea. Pinky out of course.

Extra points for doing the whole 'going down the stairs'

When they inevitably cover it with a tarp- just cut a hole in that too

A judicious fraying of the 'String' with a knife might assist storm Agnes in her work

Next doors tied two washing lines to fence posts - what should have done cut them down .. honestly once they removed the fence panel to my side of the garden due to their extension ..they didn’t ask both times let it go … don’t mind they put it back

other side Gad his roof repaired and came onto ours a bit and came knocking with the bill was something to do with the drainage .We agreed to pay a quarter I think it’s about communication ?
rather than cutting it down etc why not just knock and say please do not use the trees - it’s very simple ?

instead all this drama .. there is no need and that’s my opinion user name has nothing to do with it - please grow up and stop acting like children .

This could be bringing out the end of the garden project, perhaps a new wildlife garden around the stream. Also we have a deranged neighbour snd it's changed how we use our house and garden

So long, farewell then, OP. But please promise me you'll buy a mini trebuchet & fire things across the DMZ at the Joneseses when they're luxuriating on their bargain end-of-season garden furniture. For all of us.

"And this is from Mumsnet!" twang-woosh-splat