Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Highly recommend purchasing a boatload of giant sunglasses or googly eyes and attaching to the firs, replacing the canvas. PLEASE.

I feel this has earned a place in Classics. With an honourable mention to the author of the diagram 😂

This is the content I'm here for. That is all.

There should be a separate award category for "Best Diagram" and OP's diagram should win it. He should also win the category of "Best-Told CF-Related Story" within the "Lighthearted" subcategory. I miss him already.

Please write a book OP!

I've nominated (I think) earlier this eve. This thread has been golden 🤩

OP, YABU now! How can you leave us (not to mention the shroud) hanging like this?!

That sounds plausible. Our garden is fairly large for an end-terraced house. Lots of shrubbery. We had a problem with 'courting couples'.

They were getting in through a gap in the hedge. My late husband concreted in a post, prior to filling the gap.

The following night, I swear we heard a yell of pain as someone walked into the post.

1. topple the tarp if it's attached to anything on your land
2. pick up the ladder and put it on your side of the bank / in the stream
3. post a letter through their letterbox stating that they are trespassing and that you will take action if they persist
4. contact the local police with the evidence you have so far and request a visit to them to tell them to stop fuck off.
5. keep posting here as your posting style is hilarious!

OP, can you please start writing your novel. I think I’d very much like to read it one day.

Fuck that, your hilarious but they are seriously taking the piss. I think you have no choice but to take this tarp down and retie it on their side.

Just catching up and saw the comments about chain link fences on stream boundaries which has reminded me - I bought a house which had a brook at the end of the garden, although it was a culvert so wasn't really aware of it until I got a survey form from the council asking if the garden flooded. I had noticed a wire fence but not given it any thought as I was more interested in sorting out the house.

It wasn't until the time came to replace the fences after the house had been sorted out that I realised that the wire fence was actually where the brook edge was and my builder had removed it to put a brick wall in for me. Next door garden had wire fence and bushes. So, it is entirely possible that the wire fence is the border of something, possibly to do with the stream or that the land/water belongs to someone else. And not the people at the back either.

Hats off OP I love your posts 😁

I reckon you might be a business analyst with that writing style 😂

I think a vast selection of very small ‘no trespassing’ on tiny posts banged in a long row at your boundary line (is that the smallest wooden fence after the stream? ) would be nicely passive aggressive, and they have to get close enough to read them. Obviously quietly remove the tarp too, just to annoy them.

Or you could add to it - set up a staged camp site underneath it so they think there is someone actually living there and watching them 👀

Would love to read your next novel!!

On a serious note - are they planning to take their fence down and then have a river view from their new seating area??? Not sure if it is a view worth having!

Thank you for your contribution to mumsnet - your thread will no doubt repeatedly come to life when someone mentions it as one of their favourites!

I am saddened by the fact that you would just give up and leave Shroud III up. I wanted to know what further constructions they would put up and how big of a tent you would be able to make with all shrouds sewn together.

I would remove it then put a laminated note on your trees noting this is your garden and they are trespassing, fold it up and leave it on their doorstep. People never cease to amaze me. Especially doing it a second time.

Op I’ve loved reading your updates but I don’t know how you’re so calm. Maybe I’m hot headed and would be round at their door but I admire your coolness and also slightly admire their boldness.

Hopefully it’s a temporary measure and they won’t invade your garden further but I’d be tempted to build a ‘tree house’ to really see into their garden!

What the hell are you on about?

Proofreading is your friend I think, or should be

Omfg grow a set and speak to them what is with all the spineless people in this country

@LizzieSiddal have you ever been tempted to damn the stream and play havoc with the boundary?

OP really needs to take up ‘cold stream swimming’ Naked, around tea time.

Failing that, I would get a ‘dead body’ made from bin liners and set up a homeless camp on the river bank constructed from the sheets and tarp - add in a stray dog and a thank you note through their door.

Knock on their door and feign disbelief-“You would never believe what has happened to my beloved fir trees?” As though someone else has done it and not them.

Genius thread OP, your writing is amazing! @mumsnet Classics please 🙏

You can close your eyes Op, with any luck it will be gone . I too would enjoy your book.