Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Just here to say this is really, really great writing.

Go round there an tell them to stop trespassing

This thread is bloody fabulous 😂.

But seriously, I would report them for fly-tipping - https://www.gov.uk/report-flytipping

Obviously at this point you are going to have to give in. And if you can't beat them, join them!! Cut down the trees, add a new decked area and install a large seating area directly facing them.

Yep, they are trying to maintain their view of the stream (over their low fence) while ensuring privacy for their seating area instead of raising their own fence.

I don’t understand why this is all happening in late September. They even have cushions out there (although it does look covered). They will erect a veritable Hadrian’s Wall on your land before we get actual sitting out weather again if they carry on at this pace.

Do they also have a fire pit?

I think you should hang up lots and lots and lots of twinkling wind chimes, to mark the territory off limits for anyone other than dogs or dolphins who are the only ones who can tolerate the bastard sound they make.
Obviously would have to be a suburbia dolphin, please see the Harrods thread for ordering said dolphin
Afterwards the brownies can have a weekend of woodland fun with camping, open fires and hysterical girls screaming after telling the inevitable ghost stories
Make them long autumnal robes to wear with hoods as part of your team building exercise and you can dance around your fire pit humming (optional headtorches)
The brownies could sum up their enjoyment by stringing their old dolls to the tree to 'thank' the woodland for all its goodness
Then see if they want to come back into your garden

Your diagram has me in stitches!! This post is really funny

"Obviously would have to be a suburbia dolphin, please see the Harrods thread for ordering said dolphin"

I've just choked on my hot chocolate 😂

@Dadfromthesea

From your photos, the new shroud looks to be heavy duty shade netting (we use this on our allotment).
This spells trouble for you as it means Mr&MrsJoneseseses are well and truly invested in their campaign, as this type of netting can be sold in rolls of up to 50 metres in length and it is eye-wateringly expensive!

They’ve played their hand now OP, over to you… 😂

I'm wondering how many tarps and sheets they have at the ready.

Enjoying this thread and i5 seems a shame to suggest something not outrageous enough to keep it going but …..

Have you checked your deeds and if they are truly on your land you do need to put it in writing that they are trespassing so they cannot challenge your rights ( to your own kitchen at this rate! ) at a later date!

secondly old land ownership custom of riparian rights across a stream is that you both own half . . Note this is a custom and only really verified by the deeds .

How old are both houses roughly?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, I think you are going to have to talk to your neighbours about this - the horror!😱Do not back down though and keep undertaking your undercover manoeuvres, see who gives in first! I am willing to provide an alibi for whatever happens next as this thread has been the funniest on here for ages (and the spin-off).

Dadfromthesea I love your writing, you are very engaging😍. Surely this has to go in Classics?

Get a copy of your deeds...

I wouldn't be surprised if the actual boundary is the centre of the stream, however over the years, various residents of the properties backing onto the stream have had cause to fence the back line to stop dogs/children/wandering geese/goats/llamas etc from visiting the neighbours. As fencing down the centre of a stream or at the bottom of a steep bank is difficult, the 'keep things in' fence has been placed and replaced, elsewhere.

Once you have deeds proving this or similar theories - you can continue the fucker in whatever manner you desire - I quite like the idea of printing the plan out and attaching it to a parcel of sheets. But then I also like the idea of reporting them for fly tipping.

Just to check though... its not kids using the DMZ down the centre for building dens, and its actually them putting sheets/tarps up?

Amazing thread!

My suggestion (just so I can give my tuppence worth) is to get some red paint and in big dribbly capital letters (you know, horror move style) write on one of the sheets "STAY OFF MY LAND!!!" and then rehang it facing their seating.

Cancel the check your deeds! 😉

@Dadfromthesea i am afraid you have failed to consider the most obvious solution - build a wall. you can speak to djt for advice, he is the expert.

also booby trap the whole boundary with glitter bombs

surely this thread belongs in the classics!

The Daily Express is reporting on this thread, maybe the Joneses will read it and get the message.

Except they've misgendered you OP!

Oh hell, I’ve only just started reading this and I’m PMSL. I’ve got visitors coming round but my night time reading is sorted now, right here. This is priceless and surely merits going on the ‘classics’ shelf.

Would some penguin bollards work?

Maybe just wait until you know they're going to be sitting out there*, and set up a picnic for the family.

On the bank. On their side of the stream.

They have, after all, provided a handy ladder for getting across.

• Or, if you're feeling a bit more ballsy, wait until they're out there and then set up your picnic.

Our neighbours cut the elder shrubs at the back of our garden in the middle of the night by torchlight too. Our kitchen sink looks down the garden and the first time I saw torches flashing in the garden I panicked and ran out there shouting "who's there???!!!" only for the lights to disappear and a deathly silence to descend. I presume they had shut down their torches and fallen flat to the ground in silence. When I realised later what had gone on I didn't mind a jot them removing any overhanging branches, it's a) their legal right and b) perfectly reasonable, but why it always has to be conducted secretly at night I have no idea. If I'm ever down the bottom of the garden weeding i say hi and they literally scuttle away and hide from me. Very odd behaviour. Maybe they are just introverts. I also share an access passageway with our next door neighbour who will often be returning home and we'll be opening our front doors just feet from each other but she also won't say hi! We have 4 other neighbours in close proximity who are really good friends so I swear it's not me!

@heldinadream

No no a FESTIVAL! @Dadfromthesea you've got enough space for a mumsnetter festival, right?

Well by the end of this, @Dadfromthesea will have enough tarpaulin to make a fair few festival tents...

🤣🤣if you've written a book I need to read it

I think you should invite the local dogging community to come and get jiggy in your trees. Make sure you set up floodlights so that the shroudyfuckers across the stream get a good view and encourage your visitors to be very, very vocal.