Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

@Dadfromthesea the issue is clearly that your neighbours want to have privacy when they sit next to the lovely peaceful stream at the bottom of the garden and they don't want the barrier on their land because then they wouldn't have a view of the stream.

I think you should get a large A1 or A0 picture frame, with no back so that it's just an empty rectangle, and hang it from the same tree branches, securing the lower corners with fishing line, so as to perfectly frame a view of the seating area on their land. Then set up some chairs and a table of your own on your side of the stream, positioned facing the stream so as to be clearly set up as a viewing area for whatever it is they want to do there, with some binoculars on the table. Just leave it like that as a modern art installation.

You win Mumsnet with that diagram, @Dadfromthesea!

The only thing I can think is that they must think the trees are on common land, even though they are clearly behind your fence. I also don't understand why they'd want the cover to cross the stream - why don't they just put up a frame in their own garden over just the seating area? Bonkers CFery.

It seems MN have been out in the night and cut down the other thread and it's bundled up in MNHQ's garage.

Passepartoute
Presumably because she'd have to cross via the ladder bridge and heave it over the fence? I wouldn't fancy it, to be honest.

That’s why you drape it on cats. Cats are very nimble and would have no trouble transporting it across the ladder bridge. Teamwork is not their strong suit though, so things could go awry.

___

Perfect mumsnet - right there!

I'd also, for the sake of clarity, put a sign next to the trees saying: "These trees are on private property and any attempt to attach structures to them will be considered criminal damage. You have been warned."

Now I need to know about the french doors fiasco!

Edit: Non-fiasco

I love it! (I'll contribute as well)

I can't find a link, but it started with a woman who had exclusive rights to her back garden. Her next door neighbour had a window overlooking the garden, and decided to turn it into french doors so that she too could use it. It went on for 9 or 10 threads, and ended up with the OP having to leave her house, because the cowboy builders her neighbour employed mad it unsafe to live in. Don't know if it was ever resolved, or if it was a troll.

Basically someone posted that she lived in a rented, grade 2 listed flat with a private courtyard garden that was all hers. She came home one day to find out her neighbours had installed French doors leading from their flat into her garden. It went on for about 10 threads, it involved a feisty Spanish grandma (Span gran), a nice shopkeeper and the whole of MN was invested.

And then one day MNHQ discovered it to be a troll.

I remember that! It was unbelievable CFery from the NDN – it was the OP's little courtyard garden, privately owned, and this NDN just decided they'd replace their own window with French doors so they could use it too! And got affronted when the OP complained and tried to stop them!

Updated: apparently it was a troll all along! Should've realised that when Spanish gran got involved.

Was it really a troll?? I thought it was established it wasn't! Gutted!

Can't believe I'm still invested! 😂

That’s pretty much the one thread on Mumsnet I still long to know the outcome of

😂oh wow I hope the sheet is back gone

The poster of the French door threads is Wattyyyy and then a few threads in she name changed to WhatIsThisWatt, if anyone wants to search it up.

"Span Gran" 😂. Thanks all, don't want to derail this excellent thread though.

Please update this thread with your book link when you publish. I want to buy it 🤣

Is it wrong of me to hope that Shroud III turns up, @Dadfromthesea?

If it does, I think you need to Nick the ladder too and then practise your innocent face in the mirror so you can deny all knowledge, if they come round to ask if you’ve got it. If it helps, I’m sure you were here, having coffee and biscuits with me at the time the heinous crime was occurring. Just ring and ask for Alibis’RUs.

I’d like to know more about the sail/sheet, please, @Dadfromthesea . Are we talking tarpaulin, or something more sheer like a sun sail? Do you think they could be using it as a green screen backdrop to shoot stream-based amateur porn? Always a concern.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

It’s not being British mate, it’s just wet. Much weirder to damage their property instead of telling them not to use your trees. Now you’re in the wrong as much as they are.

Garden shears SNIP

Sorted.

Found thread following for morning update on sheetgate

Is it just me fighting an earworm of the Mission Impossible theme this morning?

See I knew I liked you. Post after hilarious post, and then to cap it all a slightly obscure James quote! 10/10, top marks. Can we be friends?

Look at the diagram. NF conscience in the top RH corner. Personally, I feel there are people with even more disturbed consciences. But I realise these will be invisible without Hubble resources. Given the level of detail in the diagram, it may well be that they are there, but my computer doesn't have sufficient magnification.....

I'm struggling to visualise this but if the sheet hangs straight down like a canopy and is mainly for privacy, it might be amusing to cut four large windows and a door into it so it looks like a child's drawing of a house.

Each window should be four separate squares - large mind.

I realise this would be a night time project of some involvement ... but the results could be spectacular.