Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

1000 replies

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 15:33

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
37
eurochick · 25/09/2023 20:43

They clearly want to shag on the new seating area. Be careful - removing the shroud might mean you need eye bleach.

user76541055773 · 25/09/2023 20:45

Dymaxion · 25/09/2023 20:43

Cars. Draping them over the cats would be weird.

Indeed , but it would be a sight to behold watching feral tarps stalking up the neighbours garden !

Literally spat out my wine laughing 😂

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 25/09/2023 20:45

@eurochick this must be exactly what they are wanting to do! 😂

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 20:47

It is done.

I led the Brownies session tonight, and had them make pine cone bird feeders, so that when I got home I had the ideal alibi for being out in the garden, ‘hanging them up’.

I also now have loads of spare peanut butter and bird seed if anyone’s interested. But that’s irrelevant.

I only went for the cable ties. Sawing through the ladder, rigging up a Ring doorbell system from 70ft away and some of the other more baroque suggestions from you all may have to wait until there’s a Shroud III. Some of those Halloween ideas are deeply disturbing, and whilst I’m not opposed to mentally scarring people for life, I know from experience that it takes planning.

Anyway, I cut the shroud down. Nobody fired at me. I didn’t uncover any swingers or mafia drug deals. It flopped down slightly into the DMZ but steered clear of the water. And when I held it in my arms, I felt like Fred Astaire.

And now it is in my garage and I’m having my tea.

Let’s see what happens tonight. Obviously most mornings I am like all other parents in that I wake up, fling back the curtains and take in the world and all its joys with a cheery song. But tomorrow I’ll be down the garden checking for sheets.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 25/09/2023 20:47

Tiny bit concerned about OP now, what with the mafiosi and all..

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 25/09/2023 20:48

Crosspost! Phew!

Casablanca78 · 25/09/2023 20:50

I understand the set up (great diagram!) but what’s the purpose of the shroud? At first I thought it was to offer them shade/a canopy for their seating area but looks too fat away. Is it actually just to stop you being able to see in their garden?! Doesn’t their fence/your trees already give them privacy? Or is the end of your garden higher and looks down on theirs ( you mention a bank?).

LuciaPillson · 25/09/2023 20:52

Ok, so OP is called Dadfromthesea, but everyone is referring to OP as "her" so now I don't know if OP is a Dad or a her or... or some kind of owl or something. Giant owl with Ikea scissors maybe.

MarshmellowMoon · 25/09/2023 20:52

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

MonkeyChiselTree · 25/09/2023 20:53

I can't believe they thought they'd get away with it twice?? Where did they think the first one had gone?? Blown away with no trace? They are deluded if they think this is ok and your rational actions with bonkers commentary seems fairly well matched! Keep up the good work!

ElizaWinter · 25/09/2023 20:54

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 19:43

Or maybe they're setting up a driving range.

Could be actually!

Delphinium20 · 25/09/2023 20:55

I can't wait for the morrow to learn what's brewing next in the Tarp Offensive. Storming the banks in camo? Tea leaves dumped in the water as protest? Brownie crafts weaponized? Ah..love being a middle-aged woman in the MN war room. Planning troop movements beats folding laundry.

weirdoboelady · 25/09/2023 20:55

Cantfaceoldage · 25/09/2023 19:44

This is brilliant! Boring fact, you both might indirectly own to the centre of the stream (Google riparian rights) so could you create a river fence to further thwart them?
Definitely like the idea of offering said shrouds on local giveaway sites!

Donald Trump, is that you?

Sunbird24 · 25/09/2023 20:56

Joint response to @LuciaPillson and @MarshmellowMoon!

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
Dymaxion · 25/09/2023 20:57

and whilst I’m not opposed to mentally scarring people for life, I know from experience that it takes planning.

Have you thought of a career in politics ?

StBrides · 25/09/2023 21:00

This thread is excellent.

I vote for one of those cardboard cut out, life size, policemen. And paint in the eyes with glow in the dark paint.

SunflowersAndSmellyTrainers · 25/09/2023 21:02

Unashamedly following for an update

MarshmellowMoon · 25/09/2023 21:05

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Stropalotopus83 · 25/09/2023 21:08

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/09/2023 19:06

I've just read this out to DH & he's inadvertently come up with a VERY Mumsnet suggestion: ring doorbell.

Attach doorbell to one of the trees, make sure wifi will reach to the end of garden (use a relay if necessary). Connect it up so you can sit in the house & wait for something to happen - then ask the intruders via the doorbell what the buggery b!ll!cks they're playing at.

His other suggestion was to cut the tarp down, concertina fold it, cut out a line of children holding hands (the Brownies could help with this) & put it back up. That will allow the wind to pass through & mystify the Joneseseseses as to how it could happen while the tarp was attached to the tree.

Oh the concertina cutout idea is GENIUS!

DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 25/09/2023 21:12

Only here for the shoehorning in of James lyrics (and updates, obvs)

CoffeeBeansGalore · 25/09/2023 21:12

All currently available at Costco 😁

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
anomaly2 · 25/09/2023 21:15

I'm struggling to understand why they are hanging shroud on your trees. What and how is this blocking anything?

lunar1 · 25/09/2023 21:16

I can't believe there are no photos

cuddlebear · 25/09/2023 21:18

lunar1 · 25/09/2023 21:16

I can't believe there are no photos

We don’t need photos mate! Have you seen the diagram?

Class

Ewock · 25/09/2023 21:20

I just had to explain to my dh why I was laughing so loudly. Your descriptions are amazing, I can see your neighbours with the Indiana Jones or possibly Mission impossible music playing as the traverse the stream and furtively hang the shroud.
A question though what does the shroud actually do for them? They have their fence. Totally cheeky feckers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.