To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I know some one who wrote bestselling novels while her baby slept, but you do need to be uber motivated and disciplined, I'd also get a cleaner or a mother's help.

Depends on lots of factors . The main one is how much support you’ll truly get from your partner. If, say, he’s home at 5 pm and willing to properly take one until 7 pm, no problem. Few men actually do this, no matter what they promise.

You will get people piling in to tell you you’re unrealistic, and personally, 14 months in to parenthood I wouldn’t fancy this at all. But a friend of mine basically worked throughout (including while her kid was in NICU). Her partner was incredibly supportive and ever-present and she did have the luxury of picking up work as and when it suited her and the baby. So if you have a lot of flexibility and a lot of support it can be done. Frankly her experience has made me enormously grateful for a job I could just not give a shit about for nine months.

It just depends on what kind of baby you have. My two were such easy babies, slept a lot, fed a lot, I could easily have done it

But I know other people who say that they absolutely couldn’t have done. You can only really see once the baby is here

FWIW I am sure that any baby should be able to nap in their pram / Moses basket / cot from the start (swaddling, white noise etc) and you could do a few hours a day. Or in the evening when dad is on duty.

What a shame that’s your experience. My husband, and all my friends husbands have always been supportive and hands on. Night wakings shared etc.

Just don’t try to work in a ‘make a profit’ way.

Spend literally all you earn on cleaners/ admin support/ mothers helps/ ready meals - and see it as a ‘maintenance mode’

Depends on the baby and the type of work.

Not a chance I could’ve.

Why have you both decided to take December off when that leaves you in a bit of a pickle in January? It seems to make more sense for your DH to work in December and take some leave in January to enable you to work when you are most needed in the business.

I think it depends on the baby unfortunately! DH used to wear our DS in a sling for a few hours each morning whilst working (from home) so I could rest, which worked until DS was about 7 weeks or so and didn't sleep as much as when they are really tiny. That being said, I couldn't have worked personally as my brain was too scrambled from hormones and sleep deprivation. I went back at almost 8m pp and felt ready then (though appreciate that is a luxury self-employed people might not have).

I worked from home freelance copywriting when mine were newborns. Just a few hours a week though (5-10) and both mine were really easy babies and toddlers.

No way could I have worked set hours or anything approaching FT.

It all depends on your birth, baby, how good you are with sleep deprivation and support system. If you’re recovering from major surgery, have an ebf baby who feeds constantly and little support it would be difficult. In fact it will just be difficult unless you have a nanny.

If, IF your baby is a good sleeper, you could potentially work from 6pm-10pm once your partner is home from work. If your baby is a crap sleeper though, you’ll be asleep then yourself. Or useless for work.

During the day, no chance at all I would have said. I had trouble enough managing the baby and housework, and I was great at sleeping when the baby sleeps/going straight back to sleep after a night feed, etc.

I'd say - maybe. It depends on so much. Baby's health and personality, your health, if you need to hold meetings and presentations or if you can do everything via email. Can you slow down the pace of your work, extend deadlines across the board for 6 weeks or more, so you can work in smaller chunks of time?

I'd say prepare for the worst possible scenarios and build contingencies for everything you can think of.

I have a friend who works from home with two kids under 2 but I honestly don't know how. Her employer doesn't know the kids are always present so I suspect she is not getting as much work done as she should!

I wouldn't have been able to work when my DD was newborn because she lost a lot of weight, had colic and was just a dreadful sleeper. Others can if their baby is more healthy/relaxed. In the US isn't 6 weeks the standard mat leave?! But then their baby would be in childcare. That horrifies me honestly, they're so very little 😔

I think newborn/under 6mos is the easiest stage to fit work in though if you are very disciplined with your time. Once they're mobile it's very difficult. Only you know how you would cope with the pressures and how desperate the situation is. I wouldn't promise anything because you just never know how things will pan out. Good luck to you though, I hope you can fit it all in!

When they're tiny it's possible, I did some KIT days at home with dd1 in a sling when she was about 2mo. Not 37hours pw though, maybe 12 hours over a week? But once they get to about 4months they don't sleep so much in the day. So you'd need some nursery or something fairly early on.

My babies were brilliant sleepers and feeders so I could have done…but unfortunately my mental health was awful in the first year with both, having been absolutely fine beforehand. Never saw that coming but as it turns out I just get shocking PND/A.

I think it's very dependant on the baby.
Both of mine, there is no way I could have done any work without childcare unless i could do it on my phone before they were well over a year old as they were both terrible nappers, and would only nap on me or next to me in my bed. One had reflux and just would never be put down, the other was easier in that respect but still wouldn't sleep in a cot for naps. Would wake after 15 mins once put down, whereas much better if we coslept. I used the time when they napped to try and catch up on sleep as nights were awful too.

Not saying that your baby will be like this, but I think once you have your baby and see what they are like it will be easier to tell. I have friends who had babies that napped really well and slept well at night so they didn't feel the need to catch up on sleep when baby napped.

The main things it depends on are your baby (mainly if they ever sleep at all) and how well you are after birth (which depends on what kind of birth you end up having.
I would say be optimistic but don't make any crucial decisions until after.
I literally didn't brush my teeth for about the first 2 months. If you have a rough time the shock is a lot.

I was self employed and thought I'd be able to work around the baby.

My baby is now nearly three and I still wouldn't be able to work without actual childcare for her. For the first 4 months of her life she would only sleep when held (for nights as well as naps) so I not only couldn't have worked when she slept, me and my husband were both nearly dead from tiredness. She still would only nap when held until 11 months. I genuinely don't think you can assume you can work around your baby until you know your baby! My friends who work part time all work when their child is with grandparents.

I agree with this.

Babies are unpredictable. You won't be able to timetable appointments or meetings in advance around naps for a while yet. So if your client contact is by appointment you will find it tricky to maintain professionalism and look after the baby, If it is less formal or time bound you may manage some but likely not all or to same standard.

I think it depends to an extent what the work is as well. Can you pick up and put down as you need to, eg writing. Or do you have to be available at specific times or for specific periods of time. The first scenario is possible depending on the baby, and what else you need to dio during the day, the second less so.

With my first one, up to about 4 months I could have got quite a bit of work done, after that not so much as awake windows got longer and baby needed more entertainment and management. By six months with weaning, crawling and eventually walking, the only time I could have worked was nap time or when someone else was caring for baby. My second dropped her naps completely at 18 months unless someone was physically holding her for the duration of the nap. So not much chance there.

Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc?

I would say you could do at most a couple of hours a day, rather than at least. And only from home.

And yes, get a cleaner and some mother's help (basically like a cross between a babysitter and a housekeeper) for several hours a week, say two afternoons a week, unless your dh has extended paternity leave.

You might be making a financial loss temporarily but if it's the only way to keep those clients, I'd do it too.

I personally have a second job that's project-based. I've opted out of the project that falls right in my leave period, but I know the project before will still be winding up when I've just given birth and I'll have a bit of work to do, including a telephone meeting or two, when I'm less than 1m pp. I had the same last time. It worked out OK. My dh has several months of paternity leave.

You probably just wont know the answer to this until your baby's here and you know if they reliably nap for a couple of hours or will only do 20 min stints or if they have reflux or indeed any other common newborn problem. I couldnt have worked with either of mine when they were newborn but I knew babies of the same age that were in solid routines from a few months old so potentially with a supportive working- from- home partner it might be possible.

I think the nature of your job is crucial to this. Can you WFH? Is it something you can dip in and out of or do you have to have meetings and concentrate solely on the work for a period of time? If you wfh and can take breaks from the work whenever the baby cries or need you then yes you'll probably be fine. If you need to have hour long online meetings when just you and your baby are home, then probably not without some sort of childcare in place.