To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I think if it was 1 or 2 hours a day and you could do them anytime from home/without being seen you probably could. Be prepared for the impact of sleep deprivation though. I remember when my baby was 6 weeks old trying to do simple tasks was hard because I wasn't well rested, i would forget keys and lock myself out, my clothes still didn't fit properly, it's almost impossible to get a hair cut etc. So if you need client meetings I think it would be really tough (even on zoom),and be prepared to make mistakes or feel overwhelmed. I'd suggest also getting some childcare available, maybe a family member could support, a cleaner or a mother's help - not as skilled as a proper nanny but to help you with cleaning, washing and cuddling baby if they wake up when you're trying to get the hours in. Also could your partner wfh a couple of days a week and then take some of the juggle with you.... I'd also prepare your clients and see if you can work with them to prioritise the essentials etc.

I’m also self employed. The times when I have prioritised work over precious family time I’ve always regretted it.

I’m currently nursing my 6 week old baby. I have found things quite straightforward (I’ve a good baby and am aware that things could change) and I’ve been able to do a few hours work some evenings when mg husband is home. I will admit my brain isn’t just as sharp, but I enjoy it. My husband wants a couple of hours with our wee one and that is how I choose to use this time. I know some will prioritise sleep, but I’m begging a reasonable amount, albeit broken. I think it’s totally doable ! Good luck!!

Depends on how much proper help you get and the baby. My son didn’t sleep. It was mental torture. My ex husband didn’t help at all and was totally unsupportive. My daughter was a much easier baby but to be fair she went from being great to not so good! If it’s only a couple of hours I think it all depends on your partner. If he is willing to come in every week, take FULL responsibility for the baby and leave you to it. Be prepared for him not doing this

I did with all of mine as much was online and the face to face could be scheduled. I breastfed and co sleep and kept baby in a sling - it got me the maximum sleep and they stayed more chilled for longer in the sling. Each time I just promised to be flexible according to the baby and stage and as they got older dp did more of an evening and I just used the time I had when I had it.

ehst I did do was when I needed it I cancelled things and put me or sleep first. No good trying to do it to meet the same standard you used before.

This sounds like a perfect situation to use Shared Parental Leave between yourself and husband, you off in Dec, he takes the maternity element in Jan or as much as you need and then you revert back when you can. I have a colleague whose wife is self employed and this is exactly what they did to help through the business busiest time, you may loose a little financially but means you can technically go back for a period of time full time so could mitigate that

I went back after ten weeks and it depends on the support available and upcoming holidays etc.

we had a lot of support and at this stage it was easier as the baby didn’t have separation anxiety and grandparents would come to our house to look after her.

Ive worked full time since and she went full time at nursery when Covid lockdown came into play and they couldn’t help any more.

some weeks it rolls and some weeks are manic and torturous.

my work hours during maternity leave were between 5-7.30am. She would feed and be awake and very relaxed during this time watching the world go by whilst I answered emails and worked on projects.After this time it was all Mummy time.

It will all depend on your own circumstance and your baby but yes it can be done.

I think it depends very much on your baby and how hands on your dh is and what help you can get

By 6weeks I couldn’t see straight after only getting 2 hours sleep each night and seemed to sit breastfeeding for most of the day. However because I kept them up and they went to bed the same time as me I was the first person in my NCT group to get a full nights sleep at 9weeks.
By week 8 on 2 broken hours of sleep the world was literally tilting.

I also couldn’t work for years after having dd as I was in so much pain. I slipped a disc in my back but was diagnosed with needing a new hip and was given physiotherapy for 7 years before going private and being diagnosed within 15 minutes.

Also after ds my brain went blank. I couldn’t remember how to do even the every day things like making a cup of coffee, I forgot how to drive in the middle of a 3 point turn.
I sat in the car wondering how I was supposed to know what to do as cars were coming along the road and not slowing down as they were expecting me to move.

I think it is quite possible to work a few hours per day if you have support and pay for help but just be aware that with all the will in the world sometimes things happen and your life changes

Two of the biggest lies I was told was you can work/sleep relax when baby sleeps. Mine didn’t sleep for long enough to get myself ready to do any of those things.
Also that baby’s feed every 4 hours so you have hours between feeds to do anything. They omitted to tell you it took 3.5 hours to do a feed and by the time you have changed them and rocked them to sleep in your arms, as soon as you put them down the whole process starts again

What if you had a C Section? This may hamper your recovery and subsequent work

Just remember that newborns are unlikely to take 2 hour naps! For the first few months naps may be a matter of minutes, maybe 30 max so actually getting work done could be hard.

I have experienced this to a degree and I am self employed but I couldn't just put it into simple words here...be happy to share my number to talk as I don't think its straight forward answer.Comment if you want me to share my number

By that stage c section recovery or nit won’t make a difference, unless serious complications. I’ve had 4 c sections and back to doing everything 2 weeks after , bar picking up very heavy loads

Depends on the newborn. Mine barely slept in the day at all! It was a shock.

Absolutely yes, you can do it. I took three full days off, then eased back in and did a few hours a day for about two to three months.

I’m self employed and have had 4 children, with all 4 I’ve only had a couple of weeks off completely. I worked during nap times and evenings (once baby went to bed and I had an evening!)
After no. 1 my mum had him 2 days a week and I was doing around 40 hours a week, after no. 2 my mum still had them both for 2 days and I lowered it to around 35 hours.
After no. 3 I averaged 25 hours a week but had moved so didn’t have my mum for the first 18 months and managed without childcare. Now I have 4 and the youngest is in preschool 2 days a week and older 3 all at school. I average 30 hours work a week.
I did have very good sleepers but obviously have had covid to contend with too. It is possible, it’s hard work because no break; when baby is sleeping you are working, but I love the flexibility I have never missed anything my children have done, school assemblies, plays, sports days etc etc.
go for it, good luck!

People do what they have to do. If your baby is high needs you might need to find a baby sitter to help out.

This is a completely genuine question, but how do pps who say they could not get out of the house/eat/brush their teeth(!) think parents coped before extended maternity leave? When my oldest was born in 1993, I was back at work when he was six weeks old, and that was fairly standard then. Those who could afford to live on Smp stretched leave to three months, but that was the maximum and fairly unusual.
There's plenty of responses saying it depends on the baby but I think it depends upon the OP's attitude to the baby more. If she is one of the wishy-washy baby-led mums so dominant on MN, I think working would be pretty much impossible as she will spend all day every day being 'nap trapped' by the baby and unable to do anything.
If she is prepared to try to get the baby into one of those routines so sneered at on here, she might stand a chance.

There is no need to be such a judgemental arse. There are lots of types of babies and parents and most manage fine. I was a wushu washy as they came and was back working long before you. Different strokes and all.

But of course people didn't always cope, did they? We don't talk about it, but there have always been women who ended up drugged to the eyeballs, or who self-medicated, or who killed themselves, or who ended up walking out on their children. I have a friend whose mother was hospitalised for much of her childhood, while her grandmother brought her up - she was really disturbed to realise that what had basically happened was that her mother had cracked under the strain of having undiagnosed PND and three children close together in age.

I'm not naysaying routines at all. But surely, as a society we ought to be working towards what's best for people?

Even with a routine which I'm all for, trying to juggle both work and a newborn/baby with no childcare isn't ideal.

I wish we could also move away from the fact that childcare is such an awful option that it is more encouraged for mothers (always mothers, of course) to juggle working and a baby at the same time which I'm just not sure is best for the baby over childcare.

Of course, childcare from 6 weeks can be difficult in some areas but if it is available, I'd absolutely take it.

I was very wishing washy and did not do a strict routine - which actually I helped me with the working from home more - but I also do not understand the barely able to shower crew.

How long do you take to shower. I used to put the carry part of the travel system or later one of those bouncy rocker things on the bathroom floor and get everything done needed to do as quickly as possible if she was crying, and a bit more leisurely if she was calm and happy, and very leisurely if she was asleep.

If she was crying I used to play peekaboo with the shower curtain, sing to her etc - aim to get out before any full on screaming started.

I'd say go for it
But!
if your partner's employed make sure you look into using shared parental leave for that period as you could be missing out
many companies pay enhanced mat and shared leave pay and he could in theory take that block off whilst you need to work on full or close to full pay
women in lots of careers go back at 6 weeks is it ideal arguably no
is it the end of the world certainly not! And working with a newborn is likely easier than with a toddler in all fairness

good luck whatever you choose to do if it's right for you and you family do it with zero guilt or concern

baby will 100% adapt to whatever you need them to!

But they had a village back then most people lived much closer to family and most mums in the 80s were sahms not working mums!
also the expectations of motherhood was different
people left babies to cry much much more than now - infact it was out right encouraged
they worried less about lots of things that concern mums now
Things like putting cereal in bottles to fill them up and get more sleep
sleep training
many had older siblings picking up some of the load in the home what happens less now due to smaller families

apparently the average mum now with a full time job (out of the home) still spends more time actively with their kids than a stay home mum from 1980 ! That's crazy and shows how burnout can happen.

But they had a village back then most people lived much closer to family and most mums in the 80s were sahms not working mums!
also the expectations of motherhood was different
people left babies to cry much much more than now - infact it was out right encouraged
they worried less about lots of things that concern mums now
Things like putting cereal in bottles to fill them up and get more sleep
sleep training
many had older siblings picking up some of the load in the home what happens less now due to smaller families

apparently the average mum now with a full time job (out of the home) still spends more time actively with their kids than a stay home mum from 1980 ! That's crazy and shows how burnout can happen.

This was the 1990s not the 1980s and most women were certainly not stay-at-home mums in my experience anyway. I think you might be getting muddled up with the 1920s though