To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I’ve done it. It’s less so the baby and more how tired you are. Surprisingly the earlier weeks are easy. They really do sleep all the time and your kind of running on fresh adrenalin for the night wakes. It’s when you get to about 2-3 months they start having a lot more awake time, or getting fussy to sleep, and your no longer running on adrenaline and your reserves are lagging. 6 months again even more brutal and I think my lowest point was 7/8 months when I was crying and going insane and that’s when we breast weaned to bottle and sleep trained. Which in fairness solved most problems within a week. But even a year after that I am still more tired from that period of shit sleep. Apparently it takes 6 years to recover 😱

Yeah but American moms have childcare! And based on my experience most moms actually get 3 months, not 6 weeks and then Dad gets a month paternity which more commonly these days they take at the end of mom’s maternity leave so babies are more like 4 months when both parents go back to work. And then yeah daycare!! What OP is proposing is not comparable AT ALL. Every American mom I know would find what she’s proposing insane, because it is. They go back to work and baby goes to daycare (or a nanny).

The only way I think it even has a chance of working is going full on Gina Ford, praying baby is willing to go along with that, and then OP will know when feeds and sleeps are to the minute so she can carve out regular windows for work. Plus as a result of said military routine baby would hopefully be sleeping enough at night so that she doesn’t feel like she’s loosing her sanity and isn’t risking make a load of mistakes due to sheer exhaustion.

I absolutely think you can do this - I job hunted and spent two hours a day writing applications/proposals etc and doing interviews as soon as two days after my first baby was born.

The key thing, however, is sleep. Most mums get zero or a few snatched half hours of sleep each night in the beginning - if you're doing this you no way will be able to work for months and months.

I bottle fed and me and my DH slept in shifts in separate rooms (the off duty parent in their own room with earplugs, the other in room with baby). Tbh in the first three months we were both awake pretty much the entire time during the shift we were with the baby overnight - she woke up every hour for a feed/rock etc.

On this schedule though I got eight hours of sleep a night consistently and actually enjoyed working while my baby napped during the day (or was on me in a sling). I do think both bottle feeding and separate rooms for sleeping was key here though (and obviously DH doing half the night) - I couldn't have worked without it.

Are these options for you OP??

With or without childcare? If you are talking about trying to manage working from home with a newborn then no, definitely not but if the newborn is in childcare from 6 weeks then it is definitely possible.

Have a look around at childcare options now, some nurseries in my area take them from 6 weeks old. My DC started nursery at 12 weeks.

It’s funny how it’s only ever women who are expected to work and earn money while at literally the same time looking after a baby. I’m yet to see a man offer to keep the baby at home with him while he works.

and I will add this is with 24/7 support. My partner also worked from home in the same business. No way I could make it work with him away 9-5. You will need to get nanny or hired help.

Up until 2016, I believe, it was common for women in the US to return to work after 6 weeks, maternity leave there is longer now. It is possible, just not very common in the UK or Europe.

I would make a plan. I would not assume that you could work while the baby sleeps but instead have structured childcare in place. My sister did this.. she had a mother's help who was a qualified nanny who had her own children and was looking for school time hours. My sister saw clients at her house while her nanny looked after the baby. When my sister was not working, the nanny did household tasks like family cooking and laundry. She also had a weekly cleaner.

I was self emoloyed when ds was born but wasn’t able to work in the first three months. Or at least not able to work and be the mother I needed to be. After 12 weeks I started working at weekends when dh was home. Then ds started childcare at 6 mo when he started on food because despite taking a bottle in the early weeks he then refused anything but breast feeding.

Do you need to be able to work at set times / appointments? That would be very tricky.

But an hour at a time a few times a day while baby sleeps, yes.

One of my NCT friends did this, she was self-employed WFH in a job where she could easily drop in and out, and also control the flow of work (e.g. refuse new orders if necessary). She also had help from her ILs to watch her son's here and there at busy periods, and her son is a relatively calm kid who would happily entertain himself even when quiet young (she would put him on his mat with some toys in the same room as her).

Overall it went quite well and her feedback was positive, so if your circumstances are similar it could work.
Note though that you can't tell now whether you baby is going to be as easygoing...

You won't know until the time comes.

If your baby sleeps well you could do a couple of hours admin- don't underestimate the tiredness, need for time to yourself etc I went back to work from when my dd was 4 months old - she is 15 now and I still get upset about it . People used to say "you can never get the time back" I thought they were being negative but they were just being real. Cherish the time you have with baby it won't all be a delight some days ( and nights!) will be long and hard but you won't regret it. Financially things have a way of working out - take care and enjoy ❤️

I wouldnt envy you sorry but it all depends on the baby

Depends on how well the baby can be put down for naps and how well organised other aspects of life is as babies come with alot of auxiliary work, never mind the usual other work just having a home.

I thought I'd be able to do freelance work during mat leave and I had to ask my mum to come visit and help with my baby while I did a commission, and it still took ages as I was distracted alot as my baby happened to he having a fractious few days on a new allergy formula. No way could I have done the work without my mum being there to hold him, feed him, change him etc.

Lol I couldn’t.

What sort of a job is it?

It's just such an impossible question

Week one DD 1. Not a chance. Continued that way until I don't know, age three.

Week one dd2. I could have worked ten hours a day. No bother.

Week two, a bit more tricky
Week three to six, see DD1
Week seven to twelve, yup full time no bother.
Four month regression, not a chance.

Dd3 could have worked from day one and still be working now age three.

Dd4. Send help. Age two. Can't remember when I ever put her down. Ever. Ever.

I guess if you are determined to make it work, then you will, but you just can't predict that everything will go to plan. If there are any problems with yours or the baby's health, if you want to breastfeed (could be unpredictable), and how you are going to feel. You love your clients - wait till you meet your baby!

Depends on the baby. With my first, no problem. If my second had been my first, no way.

I planned to give myself 6 weeks off with DC2 and do nothing but ended up doing bits after a few days in the evening while he slept on DH and was back doing a lot more around 5 weeks. I was used to working around our 4 year old so it wasn’t loads more as he’s always been a good feeder and sleeper. If you can do it at a time which suits you and in chunks you’ll probably be fine. I don’t have time dependent meetings very often, that would make things much harder.

DH had 3 weeks leave and wfh all the time anyway and is very present. They’d have cuddles in the evening and I’d duck in and feed him as needed. I’m naturally quite nocturnal which helps, always been more productive in the evenings.

He’s 6 months now and needs more entertaining but DD has started school so the juggle is different.

It's definitely possible, newborns sleep a lot and feed a lot. It gets harder when they get to about 5 months, they nap less, move more etc, then it won't be long before they are crawling and you constantly have to watch them. If you have a supportive partner then great.

I think it depends on your baby and support, you don’t mention any nanny. Hire a newborn nanny and I’m sure it’ll be do able, but from my experience I wouldn’t have been able to work. I was barely able to keep myself functioning and look after baby and I had household help for 2hr/day from birth

It depends on the baby. With DC2 who had reflux and colic and was generally a very upset baby, I wasn't able to even shower until DH took over.

The obvious solution is to hire a minder/nanny to mind the baby while you work? Even if it costs you more, think long term that it will help you to retain your clients.

This is a really good way of thinking. It’s a time to maintain clients so you still have a business at the end of leave, so what ever you need to do do it.

DM went back to work well before six weeks…commuting and the rest! But had a full time live in nanny. The past was a another country. With the right childcare and a dose of luck then yes, possibly.

I could have done anything with DS1. He had read all the handbooks before birth and decided he was going to be a gold star baby.
With DS3, I essentially gave up regular eating/sleeping/washing/toileting for many months. I'm just coming out of the fog ow he's 1 and usually sleeps through at least once a week so that's nice.
You'll need to ask your baby what it's plans are, not us.