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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

349 replies

Pipiscoming2023 · 24/09/2023 20:19

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

OP posts:
Moraxella · 24/09/2023 21:13

I’m trying to study for an exam; I’ve been blessed with a baby who doesn’t sleep at all during the day (and not even well at night) so I am very behind and now feel like I’m failing professionally and maternally.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 24/09/2023 21:14

I carried on doing the books for my husband's business as soon as l camw out of hospital. Just did it while baby slept or lay her in her moses basket . And whwn she became mobile, l did it after she went to bed.

Moonshine160 · 24/09/2023 21:15

I voted YABU but it totally depends on the baby. With DS1, he was in the sleepy newborn stage for the first 12 weeks and would peacefully sleep in his moses basket while I got things done, other then the occasional day when he was constantly cluster feeding! Having a newborn felt so easy then. With DS2 he slept a lot but wanted to be held in my arms literally all the time. Didn’t even like being in a sling. Then cried all evening. Was much more hard work. So yeah, it depends on the baby and also how much support you have from your partner and surrounding family.

thecatsthecats · 24/09/2023 21:15

People keep saying depends on the baby, but it also depends on the work.

I have a couple of client-based friends who are S-E, and have performed just as well, if at a reduced volume, with their newborns.

Yes, you need support too, but some work is more doable than other work.

SarahAndQuack · 24/09/2023 21:17

thecatsthecats · 24/09/2023 21:15

People keep saying depends on the baby, but it also depends on the work.

I have a couple of client-based friends who are S-E, and have performed just as well, if at a reduced volume, with their newborns.

Yes, you need support too, but some work is more doable than other work.

Such a crucial point!

SpatulaSpatula · 24/09/2023 21:17

Agree with what everyone has said about it depending on the baby and on how you feel after giving birth, so really I'd advise to plan on it not being possible. Can you hire someone part-time for the first six months? Someone who can do the basics and a bit more with your advice? You'll be able to handle conversations with a competent person and if you're lucky do some actual work yourself, but you just don't know and you wouldn't want to count on it then let your clients down without warning. Definitely get help in your home too if you can afford it.

Also, spending time with your child is sometimes quite nice! 😂 You might find you really really don't want to waste precious moments with your baby even thinking about work, let alone actually doing it. Apart from in the first 6 weeks. In the first 6 weeks you might just want to run away. Work might seem like a dream. But then you lose all sensation in your nipples and things become more bearable. So if you skip out right at that point, you might never discover you're actually a natural! Who knows. Good luck!

Bunnycat101 · 24/09/2023 21:18

So it does really depend on what the work entails, how much you need to focus and crucially whether you need to be undisturbed for client calls.

With my first born, I managed to write a masters dissertation which was handed in when she was less than 2 months old. It honestly nearly killed me and I was genuinely going a bit crazy by the end when it was intense. So, it is doable but not something I’d recommend.

if you’re looking at a couple of hours from a computer with no calls you could get lucky and have a baby that’s happy to sleep in a sling on you (assuming a cot may be pushing it at that age unless you’re v lucky). That I think is doable but I wouldn’t do it if you need to be professional on a call with a client. The baby will inevitably scream, do a massive poo or generally be a pain during the time you need them to be quiet.

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 24/09/2023 21:18

thecatsthecats · 24/09/2023 21:15

People keep saying depends on the baby, but it also depends on the work.

I have a couple of client-based friends who are S-E, and have performed just as well, if at a reduced volume, with their newborns.

Yes, you need support too, but some work is more doable than other work.

I don't know what kind of work you could realistically do well with a colicky baby screaming for hours on end?

Justaredherring · 24/09/2023 21:19

Can you get a postnatal doula? It’s the only way I got anything done after having both my babies. I’d work out how many hours you need to work, add a couple of hours for sleep, and get a doula for that amount of time per day for a few months, then see how you go

backoffbuster · 24/09/2023 21:19

There is no way I could have done with either of mine. They were such terrible sleepers for at least the first 6 months. I was up multiple times a night, which meant I’d have been no good for actually using my brain the next day, even when they did nap for 2 hours at lunchtime! My husband was very hands on and basically took over once he finished work, and did the early morning pre work shift as well. But being up 2/3/4 times in the night was really hard on my poor old brain and body.

Teenagehorrorbag · 24/09/2023 21:20

Depends on your work. If you book a client in for a massage at 12pm and baby wakes up, you have no hope. If you're doing office-based paperwork type stuff in between naps, then of course it's doable.

Good luck!

Rainyday4321 · 24/09/2023 21:21

The only question really is whether you are willing to pay for childcare.

If you are, then from a few weeks old have someone come in for 3/4 hours a day who either looks after the baby, or cleans/ cooks/ sorts and yes you will be able to do some work. And they need to be flexible because some days they will show up and the baby be napping and you can crack on with work and they can clean, other days they can look after the baby. None of this ‘I am only a nanny’ nonsense.

I know because I did it.

will you be able to be basically 100% responsible for baby + household + work a bit? Not very likely.

Xtraincome · 24/09/2023 21:22

IMO I would invest your spare business money into someone to help about the house/with baby for a few hours. The difference of a Mothers Help will be huge to you! If you know your business and clients well, I would just keep yourself there and forget the administrator.

MumDadBingoBlueyy · 24/09/2023 21:23

Agree with what others have said, it totally depends on the baby! I could’ve easily worked from home withDD1, she slept and was a very content baby. DD2 on the other hand is 3 and still doesn’t know how to sleep, some days still now I barely function at work, and that’s without the hormones etc of being post partum

caban · 24/09/2023 21:23

Can your DH take a couple of months of parental leave, then you can send the baby to a childminder?

Leovaldie · 24/09/2023 21:23

My babies both just fed and slept up until they were about 5 months old so I could definitely have worked from about 2 weeks pp! After about 6 months though they were more demanding and I think would have been hard to work without childcare.

SummerDayz63 · 24/09/2023 21:23

My big concern for you, is the amount of pressure you are potentially putting on yourself. Babies can be quite unpredictable… and this may impact on your ability to get things done.

My advice would be to dedicate child free time to your work. Either when DP is home or if you can get in some help or family members that can help you.

of course baby might be a dream and you can fit in easily everything you want to do!

gogomoto · 24/09/2023 21:24

With household help it's doable - I'd be looking for a mothers help type person to help with baby care and household tasks 2-3 days a week and they can bring your baby to you for feeding etc. or even a full nanny. You'll be pretty tired so help with all the other housework is essential

Totalwasteofpaper · 24/09/2023 21:24

SparklyTwoes · 24/09/2023 20:25

Just don’t try to work in a ‘make a profit’ way.

Spend literally all you earn on cleaners/ admin support/ mothers helps/ ready meals - and see it as a ‘maintenance mode’

This.

In order of importance... Get:
A night nanny (3-5 nights a week)
a cleaner
cook ready meals

TeaandHobnobs · 24/09/2023 21:24

I started doing some work again from when DC2 was 4 months old - but I had a nanny 2/3 days a week (also helping with older DC who was at nursery some days). Even then, I still found myself occasionally working an hour or two in the evenings with a grizzly baby strapped to me in a sling.
I couldn’t have done this after DC1 - traumatic premature birth that I took a long time to recover from, mentally… plus DC1 was a horrendous sleeper and I was barely functioning.

So maybe 10 hours a week is doable? If all is going smoothly, and you get support so you are not trying to do everything yourself.
But set firm boundaries about the times you are available to communicate, and protect yourself.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 24/09/2023 21:25

Could you perhaps put the baby to a childminder say two mornings a week? Give you a few hours a couple of days a week to work? Then get partner to take over once he's home from work?

ChateauMargaux · 24/09/2023 21:26

Also think about night support... if you are getting enough sleep at night, you will be able to function during the day. A night nanny can help ... even if you are breastfeeding. They can bring the baby to you so you don't have to lsiten out for the baby and then settle the baby back to sleep. This is not for everyone and can have a huge impact on breastfeeding so doesn't work well for everyone.. but it can work.

SparkyBlue · 24/09/2023 21:26

Totally depends on your baby and the nature of your work. I'd definitely recommend having a cleaner in to take the pressure off you. A friend of a friend who was also SE had to do similar and it was absolutely fine. Best of luck

Cowlover89 · 24/09/2023 21:28

Depends on your baba

waterproofed · 24/09/2023 21:28

This x 1000. With no help in love you’ll do mad, but it’s really worth keeping your foot in work, even if it works out as cost neutral.

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