To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I’m self employed and went back to work when my baby was 3 weeks old. Similarly to you, if I hadn’t gone back then id have lost a lot of clients and all the hard work I’d put into it so didn’t feel as though I had much choice.

I’m 100% desk based which helped, I’d get my work done when my baby was sleeping (usually on me or my husband in a sling). My husband is also home based with a very nice boss and no one minded him having a newborn attached to him during meetings etc which helped!

Once he was sleeping more routinely, I could plan meetings etc during nap times and do more once he’d gone to bed in the evenings. It’s not ideal and my work was somewhat muted until he started nursery at 1, but it’s definitely possible 💙

Good luck, and congratulations!

It totally depends on what kind of baby you get. They all have different temperaments. If you get a chilled out potato then some work is definitely possible; if you get a colicky clingfilm baby then good luck.

Ignore anyone who tells you it was their superior routine/feeding/parenting skills responsible for their young baby’s happy temperament. It just isn’t the case.

If you have an easy baby and an easy birth then it's potentially possible.

I had a traumatic and very long birth, then a massive PPH and nearly died. Several days in ICU, over a week in hospital. I was still feeling weak and exhausted a month later.

DD didn't get the memo that babies sleep and needed to be held constantly. She could go 36 hours without sleep no problem at all. Refused to be held by anyone else and could scream for hours non-stop. She is ADHD...

I was exhausted and ended up with PND.

To be honest it was a massive achievement if I managed to have a shower and put clothes on for most of the first 6 months.

Depends on the work. If 2h answering emails per day may be possible. If scheduled slots / phone calls then you'll need structured childcare

I think a big factor is whether the baby will sleep independently. Pre baby I was completely unaware that babies don’t tend to like their cribs or moses baskets 😂 but if
you could work with baby in a sling that could work?

Id maybe play it by ear after you’ve had the baby - for some people they’re back on their feet really quick and for others they can take longer depending on the birth etc. I think 12 weeks maybe a more realistic timescale to give yourself time to rest and get settled.

I think the main problem that you will be unable to imagine right now is the absolutely insane levels of sleep deprivation you go through.

I remember starting to fall asleep while walking down the road pushing a buggy. I have never experienced torture like it (and I had actually done night shift work) - your brain turns to jelly, you can barely function.

The worst period for me was from about 3 months in to the end of the first year - with both my children. So - it's not that it's 'hard for a few weeks then you get used to it' - until they are toddlers you are basically fucked for sleep.

It totally depends on the baby realistically. My first would feed, sleep for 4 hours, feed sleep for 4 hours etc but my second wouldn't sleep unless attached to my boob and screamed pretty much constantly for the first 3 months! If your work can be done in small bursts then it could be entirely achievable but if you need to start something and work through without interruption for a couple of hours then that will only really be possible if your partner takes full responsibility when he gets home, and more importantly that you let him! You see a lot of women on here that have to micromanage everything baby related!

Used to work in the States where mat leave was about 3 months. People managed fine. Also worked in large companies where women were back within weeks - but with lots and lots of help, like nannies, etc.

Agree with everyone else, it depends on the baby.

I could have done it with DD2 - I wouldn't have wanted to but I could've.

DD1 was the screaming refluxy type and at 6 weeks things were dire as we hadn't figured out the meds. Even if I'd had a few hours of childcare I still wouldn't have been capable of thinking clearly enough to work reliably.

Agree with someone upthread that it will depend on you as well - it's such an upheaval, especially on your first. I didn't recognise the person I became at all in truth.

Yes, it’s entirely possible. I have done it with all of mine from 2 weeks old, with the last I tried really hard to have a longer leave as I knew it was my last baby and I wanted that time so I took 5 weeks in the end that time.

I’ve done it through necessity as there is no other way to pay the bills and keep us fed, so I’ve done it as a single parent, I’ve done it with newborn and toddler, I’ve done it with terrible sleepers and through velcro baby and reflux and through breastfeeding and colic and a baby in hospital and all the curveballs along the way. We all made it through the other side and I’m glad we did it that way as I don’t think I’d have coped well at all concentrating purely on a baby. The babies had to come along for the ride so they did.

YANBU - it’s a lot but I’m still here to tell the tale 😅 I hated my job and started my own business when my first baby was a few months old. We were already in a really good routine and he went to bed early so most of my work was done at nights, often having to sacrifice sleep to get it done but I wasn’t up during the nights so the baby part of it wasn’t an issue in that respect. As he got older I worked when he napped in the afternoon (2 hours roughly) then again when he went to bed. Since he’s been a toddler I’ve been able to get lots of it done while he’s been there. Toddlers are a nightmare in many respects but in terms of being able to entertain themselves for a bit they’re actually pretty good! I’ve now got some childcare in place to get a run at it on some days too.

Then to throw a spanner in the works we had another one! 😅 In the very early stages of that now but I think I took about a week ‘off’ in total. Partly for financial reasons but also because if my businesses fell off the face of the early (online) then it would take me months of work and probably quite a lot of money on advertising to get it back to where it was. Instead I’ve chosen to limp on, between the feeds and nappy changes. If it was only a newborn I was dealing with I think it would be a lot easier and fairly doable (as long as you get a sleeper and don’t mind working pretty much all day but broken up into tiny chunks when you can get it done). For me it’s proving difficult with my toddler in tow too but I will struggle on and as soon as we hit the 3 month mark I’m hoping it gets a lot easier like last time.

Another big hurdle for me is the fact my ‘work’ isn’t really respected properly by my husband, or another else for that matter. I currently make more than my husband despite him going out to work early in the morning and coming home at 5/6pm. I’m left spinning a million plates at home and he doesn’t fully take over everything when he comes in then can’t understand why I’m getting stressed. It’s like I’m expected to run a business in 15 minutes per day or something while he has the whole day for his and we’re still struggling to pay the bills every month. It’s not actually his fault but is just majorly starting to grate on me 😂😩

Youll be fine! 😬

Impossible to say OP. You have no idea what kind of birth or recovery you will need or what kind of baby you'll get. Will you get PND/PNP or other unexpected stuff, like an extended stay in hospital with baby.

Nobody here can tell you.

At best, prepare to work on no sleep, do a few practice runs

see I genuinely believe the baby is the easiest bit so I 100% think this is doable.
a really great sling will help!

Not quite the same, but when I was on mat leave from my full time job with a newborn baby, I studied for my professional exams. I had no local help as I lived 45 mins from all my family and closest friends.
Anything is possible if you want it enough.

I think like some others have said you will have to wait and see what baby is like. My first DC had reflux and would not lie down. Had to be held upright day and night. Was an absolute nightmare. If it wasn’t for my DM I would have had a complete mental and physical breakdown! My DP went back to work after paternity leave and worked long hours so wasn’t much help though quite hands on when he was at home. If you get help and you are not exclusively BF it is definitely easier. So those are things to think about.

I was self employed when DC3 was born, she was a good sleeper ( unlike her colicky older sister) but still tricky to work whilst caring for her and i was only attempting part time could pick my hours and work in the evenings / weekends. But as soon as i had a daytime deadline or a phone call i needed to make at a certain time i could guarantee she'd be crying. It was very stressful. Frequently felt i wasnt being a good mother and also failing at my business.
And she was my easiest baby! Colicky DC1 literally only slept for 30-60 min blocks before waking for first 3 months- i was a stressed sleep deprived zombie.
I think.you are being naive - sorry

What I would say is, you'll really need to go on your parenting style, and how easy your baby is.
My first born, colicky, screamy, spent hours and hours crying, didn't want to be put down.
Second born, more chilled, didn't cry unless he wanted a bottle, wanted to be carried opposed to held so i could get on with stuff.

I would also say, if possible, for every hour you spend at work, you need that to be an hour someone else picks something up. For example, you worked for 4 hours, you need your partner to pick up bits from the shops ypu might need on the way home, you need someone to do the chores you've missed out on in the house, maybe someone else sorts dinner.

The "womens" load, of home, cooking, childcare, etc is a lot to commend with, especially in the early days, along with also working. Please don't fall into the trap of doing it alone. Doing so has been to the detriment of most of the women I know, and their MH... ensure someone is taking care of you too. ♡

All the best.

I went back to work when DD was 9 weeks old, it was tough being away and missing her 'firsts' and having the fear she would forget me, but she's now nearly 1 and very much a mamas girl 🥰 don't get me wrong doing the night feeds, teething etc was tough and getting back into the routine of work on very little sleep was and still is to this day the pain of my life but I honestly wouldn't change it and to be honest DP has never once woke up for a nightfeed so if your dp is hands on make sure he does some of these for you!

• you do what makes you happy and works for your family, everyone will tell ya different but only you know what will work for you

Depends on the birth and baby.
Ive been lucky that all of mine were a doddle. Easy births. Home within 6 hours. And no issues.

One of mine was a lockdown baby. So dh was home a chunk. I decorated, freshened paint in the entire house when baby was 4 weeks.

One could have easily wfh in my job from day 1 as not set hours and baby was an amazing sleeper. Again dh was very hands on. I didn't though because we were due to move hosier

Dd again was easy but dh worked ridiculous hours to support us. 8am till 6pm then 8pm till midnight 1am, 6 days a week. My job was different then

Eldest was easy but i was so low in myself. I had no motivation. I hated where i lived it was so far from everyone i knew. Ex was a dickhead. No support

Just see how you are and baby is once the time comes

My friend wrote a book on maternity leave, so I had high hopes for what I might be able to acheive. It turned out that I just couldn't cope with even making a sandwich....I was a nervous wreck (my baby was an ok-sleeper, so I couldn't use that as an excuse). (I was a bit better second time round though).

My son’s friend is working at home 3 days a week with a 3 month old baby (mums a teacher and gone back to work full time, gran has baby 2 days he’s in the office). I didn’t think he’d manage but he’s a really easy baby. Sure this will change when he gets a bit older. But a couple of hours a day, yeah you can definitely do this.

Depends on the work, depends on your levels of sleep deprivation, depends on your mental health post partum, depends on how you feed the baby. Could work! Could not!

plan to succeed though. Good idea to!

This.

Then he can look after his child for 40 hours a week so you can work. id advise you to work ousudd the house for that time , to give them both space. You can hire some office spaces by the day / week or just use a friend spade room.

I’m sure he will be able to do a couple of hours a days as well while baby is sleeping. It’s a win win for both of you.

This. Entirety depends on how your birth goes and what kind of baby you get.

Not forgetting you could have a premie with high needs or post natal psychosis...

Basically, Mother Nature doesn't give a shit about your client and she's in charge now 😎

It depends if you breastfeed, what type of baby you have, what type of birth you have.

I ebf, baby cluster fed from 5pm - 2am most days in the beginning, 5-10 min on, 20-30 min off. Then slept til 6am, feeding every 3hrs or so after that.. By about 4 months it was every 4 hrs which was fab and no more clusters!!

Bottle feeding would be easier, they can’t digest the cow milk easily so don’t feed as often. And DH could take on more responsibility in the night.

Personally if I were you, and you have a good job that can pay for it, I would get both a nanny and a cleaner.

Your house will be a shambles, the washing machine will constantly be on (buy a tumble dryer if you don’t have one and giant tubs of vanish) there will be bottles and all sorts of baby paraphernalia everywhere. Just chaos.

I think the plan to try and work and be superwoman is nice in theory. I tried this at 9 months thinking “oh the baby will sleep” - nope, disaster, napped an hour at most and total yap, needed to be walked in the pram to go over to sleep and then lifted into cot. I gave up after 2 wks and booked a nursery place.