To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I think you need to be disciplined with the baby - so no rock on got sleep and let them self soothe - this is possible! I had twins, they had no choice.

You can work round them sleeping, but you’ll be sleep deprived yourself.

Would it not be better if your DH arranged his paternity leave in a different way - so you could work round the baby? Half days so it lasts longer for example?

You have the whole rest of your life to work if you want too.

You will get one chance to be with your baby and make life as easy as possible for yourself.

If you needed to work for financial reasons, I'd say grin and bear it. But however much you love your clients, you are going to feel so much more for your baby.

Life goes really quickly.

I had two contact nappers and there’s no way I could have managed it, I didn’t get a single second to myself for the first 6 months (and only had downtime after sleep training, which I know not everyone loves but was a necessity for us).

I think the only way it would have worked for us would have been to have had a nanny for an afternoon every day, but that depends on DC settling for nanny, you going to bottles not ebf etc.

I know from friends it would have theoretically been possible for them but I just seem to produce very grumpy babies! (Flip side - now my 2 are toddlers they are very good at playing independently and I could 100% do a few hours of work while in sole charge of them! It’s so random and I just think you have no idea what kid you’ll get till they turn up)

It is so true that it doesn't just depend on the baby, it depends on you too. No way of predicting how you will react to having a baby - it is a truly bonkers time. There is no real way of explaining it - it's something you have to experience for yourself!

You just can't predict it.

My older SIL is famous/notorious in our family for deciding, a few hours after she gave birth to her second child at home, that she was a bit bored, and fancied going back to work now. She has three children and has always done a fair bit of work while they were babies (she can work from home).

At the other end of the scale, I know someone who had a hugely traumatic birth and needed care herself, for months. I know a few people who had such bad PND they couldn't function. And I know people who had babies who were premature or otherwise high needs, who couldn't do anything much for ages.

I don't think it's stupid to be open to the idea you might get a bit done, but you need some strategy in place that will allow you to pivot to unexpectedly working a bit, rather than an assumption that you'll try to do it.

The naps for me were my essential sanity time where I could sit quietly with a cup of tea and prep the evening meal, or read a couple of chapters of a book, or just watch a bit of TV to have a break. Looking after a newborn is a full-time job in itself. Take those nap breaks away to fill with work and you're spreading yourself very thin. Without a proper break, and with interrupted sleep, your immune system hits the floor pretty quick and you can run yourself into the ground. I remember days where I felt brain-dead from lack of sleep. I couldn't have worked on those days.

any chance of employing an admin assistant that's flexible enough to pick up occasional childcare tasks if it's form your home?

Also if you wfh you could do with a nanny to help out.

This is all extremely helpful and practical advice, thank you! My work I can dip in and out of and doesn’t need very many (if any) meetings, it’s also done all from home.

I’d never heard of mothers help before so that’s something I can look into. Like PP said I think this is more about maintenance/keeping clients happy than making a profit, so should be doable with a bit of extra support - but I won’t be making any solid promises until I know what baby is like!

I did but it wasn't 2 hours a day, probably more like 6 hours a week. I could work on a laptop with a sleeping baby on my lap, having fed to sleep. (Boppee cushion). The main problem is exhaustion as you may need to sleep when the baby sleeps, and you have very little free time those first few weeks (if breastfeeding) so it takes away from time you could be doing something else like seeing friends, going for a walk etc. I'd get extra help with cooking cleaning whatever makes things easier or can your husband take parental leave? He is entitled to 18 weeks off during childhood (unpaid), max 4 weeks a year. Or annual leave.

I had sepsis, a massive PPH and an emergency section and then a baby who cried all the time she wasn’t feeding - I couldn’t manage anything at all. It’s so hard to predict, I wouldn’t bank on being able to work.

I did this with a velcro baby. Managed to balance my laptop on my knee whilst she slept, was working a lot in the first six weeks. I'd been dreading it but actually I found it soothing to have something else going on.
Gets far more difficult as they get older.

I didn’t have much time off with both of my children (now 6&3). 3 months for my daughter and 4 with my second due to covid. It was easily doable with support and I actually hated maternity leave so going back to work for me, was welcome. I was in a similar situation in that I couldn’t leave my business unattended for long, if it’s what you need to do, you’ll find a way to make it work.

Impossible to say till you know what you're dealing with... how you are, how the birth was, how baby is.

My first was a traumatic birth. DD needed a lot of additional care & hospital follow ups, I had PTSD and raging PPA and totally neglected myself because in addition to what she needed she was also a v fussy baby, total Velcro baby and woke screaming every single time. My nerves were shot.

My DS - dream baby. So easygoing, sleeps like a trooper and will sleep through anything. Eats like a champ and easily pacified. Birth was a c-section though and it was a good few weeks before I was moving ok/relatively painfree.

You really can't make concrete plans for the immediate few weeks-early months with a new baby.

And anyone suggesting that American mothers have no problem getting back to work asap needs their head checked - that is not a model or attitude towards maternal or neonatal care to be envied. It's a model implemented because the US puts its economy above the welfare of its citizens.

Look into a mothers help. Or a nanny. I used to do this work and loads of people would want just 2-3 hours a day. If you use Childcare.co.uk you can avoid agents fees.

Different because I was a nanny but I went back to work when my first child was 4 weeks or something like that. Self employed I had no choice

Depends on the baby, how you are feeding the baby and the sort of work you need to do. I could have worked a few hours a day with my second (who was a fab little sleeper) baby, probably could have held down a full time job in fact, if I could flex the hours. I definitely could not have worked AT ALL with my first. For at least the first year. It was really hard until she was 2. She was a terrible sleeper and a massive cluster feeder. I was so tired I could barely remember my own name.

It depends!

What does your work entail? Would you need fixed times or could you pick it up as and when?

With childcare then of course you could get back to work within a few weeks. If you're suggesting doing it without childcare then it really depends on what sort of baby you get. I could have worked a good few hours a day with my eldest, he was an easy baby who fell into a routine quickly and slept well day and night and was also happy being left to roll around a playmat.

My second baby was very high needs and there was no way I would have been able to work, some days I struggled to shower! When my husband came home he'd take the baby and he shared the night feeds but I was in no state emotionally to be able to work.

I did go back to work full time at 4 and 5 months respectively, but paid for childcare to make that possible.

DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Enough to take some parental leave or reducing hours so you can service your clients at this critical time?

Think through when you will sleep - who will be getting up with the baby at that time to feed and change and soothe? Who will be feeding and changing and soothing the baby during the day? How long will you have during naps, realistically?

This would have not been possible with my babies. My first one cried and cried and cried all day long, unless he was napping. He wanted to be constantly held. Nights were gruelling. I was so knackered, I often only just managed to shower at half past eleven in the morning! I was so tired, I don't think I would have managed any work! He did take long naps but I usually slept when he slept,

My second baby was much calmer, but the longest she would nap was 20 minutes at a time. So no chance to get anything done in that time.

If you have an easy baby that settles into a routine quickly maybe it could work.

Also, one think to bear in mind is that at 6 weeks babies are usually the most unsettled. They are not quite newborn anymore when they sleep most of the time, but become more aware of things and become quite needy.

If the reasons aren’t financial why isn’t your husband just taking longer off to care for his child then if you have work commitments you can’t get out of?

I don't think I could have, with either of mine. But for different reasons!

I found motherhood pretty full on and a total shock to the system the first time, and was very anxious for a couple of months. I got better as he got bigger and I felt less like he might die at any moment.

My second baby was a lot easier in some ways, and I worried considerably less, but harder in others as she absolutely never bloody slept. So was I utterly knackered.

I don't think throwing work into the equation would have helped in either situation.

But I can only speak for myself and others have obviously done so, which I can only admire.

I hope you can find a balance that works for you and your family OP.

Yeah I couldn't have done it - my baby is 8 months and has pretty much always been a terrible napper. I couldn't believe it as I thought newborns slept all the time 🤦🏻‍♀️ You might get lucky though!

I run a business and worked an hour or two a day, did some calls and emails, basically from 1 week after my baby was born until I went back after 3 months. Was absolutely fine but definitely better if you either have someone else to look after the baby or flexibility with the time you can work.

Yep it's possible :) I do it

Personally the suggestion of Dh taking spl and you retuning later when possible sounds a bit more feasible if that's something you can explore. Factor in that you may go 2 weeks overdue, and could end up having a section or complications which could easily take a further 6 weeks to recover from.