To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

For the posters pointing out that there will still be a 15 year age gap later down the line, yes of course there will, but that’s a bit of a redundant point. IMO the age gap is probably starker at this point than it will be in the future.

There will come a point when your baby is 21 (the age you met your partner) and you will be 46 (not much older than your partner is now) and he will be 61 (almost old enough to be the baby's grandfather). And you may think "bleugh". Or not. But you may think it. Especially if a middle aged man is sniffing around him or her.

I had a huge crush on a 36 yo when I was 19 yo, which he encouraged. And I thought it was all awesome. Thankfully I steered just past him and I now look back and think "what the fuck was he thinking, what a perv?". I didn't think that at 25.

Brain development continues into our 20s. And a healthy cynicism of middle aged men who date women just out of their teens develops after that. Give it time.

Can you really not stretch your imagination and see why? Is that beyond you? You really have NO idea? Because if so, that’s just as concerning

I'm with my husband 10 years, they're not all vile.

Agreed, I've spent vast swathes of time with "old school" solicitors. Can't imagine any of them using that expression

A very close family member met her DH when she was 19 and he was 32. Fast forward 45 years, her potential has never been fulfilled, she spent ten years caring for him at home and now he lives in a Care home full time. She had serious father issues from childhood. She made a big mistake, mostly being over-loyal, and she admits it herself

but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

I don’t think people are just so quick to judge and I don’t really genuinely understand why

If you don't know why then I'm afraid that proves that you are naive.

My DH is 37 and I'm 40, our godson is 21 and his girlfriend is the same age, the thought of my DH being with someone that age is a little creepy, they seem like children to us! I know my DH couldn't be with a 21 year old no more than I could be.

I suspect you'll see where I'm coming from when you're late 30s/early 40s.

I wouldn't judge the young women but I would wonder what a man in his late 30s would have in common with a 21 year old.

Huh? Where are you reading that?

I’ll probably sound like a stereotype myself, but in your forties oestrogen levels slip a bit, and the rose tinted spectacles slip too. You stop seeing the best in men and see some of their bullshit clearly. Until it happens, it’s hard to credit the full impact of our hormones.

Plenty of men find women of their own age too hard to deal with because we see them clearly. It’s all so much less complicated with a younger woman, particularly one who hasn’t been messed around by men.

And then there’s the mismatch of life stages. By thirty a woman is hitting the peak of her sexual drive while a man’s is dwindling in his fifties. At forty when you’re at the peak of your career, he’s coasting towards retirement. Etc

That isn’t to say it can’t work. There are plenty of same age relationships that don’t last the distance too. If you’re happy, don’t mar it by looking for external approval, especially not on MN!

It’s really unusual to have kids as young as you did especially if you are an educated professional woman as you say. What led you to have children at such a young age?

Do the same? Do the same as what? What are you talking about?

Am I in some parallel universe? Why are people taking about him leaving his wife? Where is there any comments bout a previous wife?

@anomaly2 if you read the thread, you'll see the OP has corrected the misunderstanding she caused.

@anomaly2 just the MN universe

Jesus. All you weird people making up stories in your head. There is nothing to suggest previous dc or a previous wife that was left. This is proof that people are blind in their ridiculous judgement of age gap relationships. It instantly occurred to you and others that he left a wife and dc for a younger model. Go check yourself and your preconceived judgement. And never serve in a jury.

Who says those that don't cannot, you really do have a twisted view on the world don't you, some of us are more intelligent to look at numbers only.

I really do feel pity for you. How lonely it must be to berate a young woman on a Saturday night for kicks 😂

Oh the irony 🤣🤣🤣

I think you need to read the thread yourself 👓

I don’t want to be one of those gobshites who pokes holes in people’s stories, but I can’t quite square someone who graduated university, completed a professional qualification, is now in a very high earning job in Finance (out-earning their 40 year-old husband), and who loves their career, getting pregnant at 23/24.

OP, are you sure you’re 25?

Are you still splitting finances ‘equally’ while you’re on maternity leave?

I didn’t start this thread to be told I’m young, naive etc, I wanted to see the assumptions

honestly not trying to be controversial or anything just interested in where/why there’s this stereotype and where it comes from

OK, but this really does make you look as young and unworldly as you say you're not! You sound like a real high achiever and must be very bright, so how have you reached 25 without understanding why there is scepticism around age-gap relationships?

Everybody thinks they're mature at 25. Everybody thinks they're mature at 14, for heaven's sake. Those of us who've been 25 know this.

What's a little harder to understand is why a 40-year-old would believe you are at similar levels of maturity and, even more insanely, will remain so. Is he refusing to grow up? Turning a blind eye to what the future might hold? Are you his key to 'staying young', as some older men claim their second families are?

See, the questions are more about him. And, granted, how you've reached your mid-twenties without (allegedly) having some grasp of this. Your solicitor was right first time; sorry.

You must be very early in your career. Yet you already out earn your 40 year old dh.

Not all age gap relationships do, but this one screams “daddy issues”.

It is now. Wait another 20 years when he's 60 and you're just 45, and all his health issues start to kick in.

Yup.

All of this.
You are also yet to fully enjoy the motherhood penalty in the world of work.
I work for a progressive diverse "woke" tech firm and yet still haven't escaped it.

Come back in ten years and tell us how amazing your life is... 👍

Also I do think you are getting a raw deal... but not for the same reasons as you do...